But Pigpen was Carole’s original name wasn’t it?
pigpen was the name of my best ever cat.
long haired and as a kitten he really looked like pigpen - all scribble.
i’m all filling up here.
or maybe that’s the gin.
mick you have something to live up to here!
Carole,
sorry, I did not mean to open old wounds.
There was an old Persil advert for Champion Dirt Collectors and my mum wanted to nominate me for an award.
M
ah no mick you didn’t upset me.
but i did love that cat!
he made me laugh so much.
when he was small enough he’s crawl up my husband’s trouser leg and fall asleep.
hubby would wake up and kick out his leg - out would fly pigpen!
totally oblivious to the torrent of 4 letter abuse!
Where have all the Foggies gone? Come back to save what’s left of my insanity! Please!
§
Are you all sitty comftybold two-square on your botty? Then I’ll begin.
Now, this begins once a polly tito, and the islando peoply who desired to live an idylly mostold life full of dreamery coloury cheese and unicornifolds. Deep joy.
It was the timely of the full moonshine, scintyladen in it’s heavenly bode, and I was sitting on my botty, thee-square, because it was a Tuesday, and I folloped the idearymost that what we will need a calender squarys page counterup.
So I have deep complicadent of the furrowy brow and come uplody with this systemetrically methodold of county the days as they flit past-o post ploddy ploddy forward into the future unknowable. Oh Yes.
Januale,
Februarily
Marlo
Aprilode
Mayly
Don Juan
Julily
Augustimost
Septembermold
Octobermory
Numb-member
Decassemble
Thank you if you stayed awake.
AD
Oh thank you. I thought it was just me left dreaming of idyllic times to come. Huzzah for Mr Durer.
That’s OK. I just had a cheese omelette and had to work it off somehow.
I can only imagine the cheese that went into that piece of work. I bet cheese of that strength is hard to come by.
§
Only available on prescription from my own personal physician.
Is his name Dr Mogace?
Yes! Do you know him?
The most brilliant fromagologist on the face the cheeseboard. He is a household name, in refrigerators, the length and breadth of the country.
Perhaps No. 9 in the list above should be Ssssuetember.
AD
I think you are very lucky to have Dr Mogace as your Fromagologist. I only dream of such a cheesemeister treating me.
I get my prescriptions on the Blue Market. I can’t get a regular doctor to prescribe the strong stuff.
I can’t comment on such vital things as your calender squarys. The naming of the months where’d you have done to a turn.
§ue
love the octobermory month (my birthday month),numb member made me laugh. i’ve missed you all and your madness too. my cheese consumption is very low, just eating it in the traditional manner on a piece of buttered bread. only cheese of a traditional colour too. my gin comsumption is however marvellous! totally approve of lidl selling it.
Now that we’ve sorted out the months you’ll all be wanting to know what the future has got in store for you.
Aries You are vain beyond belief, and for no discernable reason. Do not enter a changing room with more than one mirror as you’ll never make it out of there before the store shuts. You lucky kebab is lamb.
Taurus You are an earth sign, which may mean that you don’t shower as often as most people. For you soap is a mystery. Your lucky music is skiffle. Your lucky stone is Brian Jones.
Gemini 1 Your lucky traffic sign is Oncoming Traffic.
Gemini 2 Your unlucky traffic sign is Oncoming Traffic.
Your lucky personality is Barbara Cartland or Prince Philip.
Cancer Given your crabby personality and impulse to start fights in swimming pools it would be more pleasant for everyone if you would spend the rest of this year on your own. Lucky bathroom colour; Avocado.
Leo Another sign who’s obsessed with their appearance. What an attitude! You always think that you’re right, don’t you? You are not God’s gift to mankind, you are God’s punishment.
Virgo Why go to the pub when you can get all the attention you need at a rugby club? Drape yourself over the busy end of the clubhouse bar and a tall, heavily built stranger will enter your life. But not in a good way.
Libra You spend your days weighing things and organising bookshelves. You believe that the earth is flat and that you should avoid vaccinations. Your dreams of becoming famous will never become true. Get a life.
Scorpio Secretive, mysterious, and unpredictable, you really are a pain in the neck as nobody knows where they stand with you. There’s an old folk tale about your type. Read it and sort yourself out.
Sagittarius Jupiter and Mercury are really messing with you this month. aND THIS TYPOGRAPHY{. You ate something really bad yesterday. Make sure that you’ve got plenty of toilet paper in. Start planning for a divorce and organise a funeral plan. Do not start watching any box sets.
Capricorn A good way to get rid of red wine on a silk dress is to pour coffee on it and rub it well in with iodine. Stop being so gullible. Everyone is laughing at you. Lucky religion; Druids.
Aquarius Devious, secretive and manipulative; you have a great career as the CEO in a Top 200 FTSE company. However, you’re the one who will systematically “half-ass” a project, leaving it below par then slap the blame on the youngest member of the team. They will all join in, gleefully accepting that they’re not the scapegoat. Bastard.
Pisces The first question you always ask is “Do I have to pay for it?” The second one is “How much can I eat/drink before anyone notices I’ve started before the others. Lucky yoga position; Muladhara.
2 Likes
Yay, I’m a bastard. Just as I always thought.
Thanks for that Mr D. A sensible, obviously highly accurate genuine starsign chart.
§ue
love your horoscope anthony
mine, scorpio, is very accurate.
does it make you afraid?
i was born on halloween so it should!
Sir,
You appear to have had a particularly strong reaction to you last cheese, (I think I approve) under these circumstances I highly recommend more crackers.
Dr Mog FRoFC & I
(Fellow of the Royal order of Fromagology Cheese & Idiocy)
For a second opinion you could try the East Cheam Labour exchange or my dead mothers chapter of Hells grannys macrame & crochet sect.
M
Dear Dr Mog (FRoFC&I)
Please could you recommend a cheese that would transport me (in dreams that is) to a world where unicorns crop lush meadow grass, butterflies are flying amok, the sky is blue, the sun is warm and there is a splendid picnic basket filled with wondrous food stuffs including (of course) lovely cheese and fine red wine? Obviously in such a dream world I would be able to sit on the lush grass (blanket supplied in case of damp bum syndrome) and then get up again. Perhaps my picnic companions would be all you lot? Also comfortably able bodied.
I imagine such a cheese would be difficult to source. But surely a doctor of fromagerology such as yourself would have just the right insider knowledge to find me a cheese capable of delivering such a fine dream?
Yours (hopefully) §ue
Sue,
Your imagination is in great order and qualifies you to try a wide range of therapeutic cheese. As in all of our lives there is no 100% guarantee, however if I want to have a sunny able bodied experience I would blend Manchego Parmesan and some kind of dodgy goats cheese. If this did not work I would save a chunk of Gruyere and serious cheddar as a consolation along with some really nice red wine.
Lets crack on with the cheese and wine fest.
Mick