Being usseful

Hello from a damp small town in East Sussex.

Sometimes we all may feel a bit useless. You know those days when you drop everything and nothing goes righg.

Before in the kitchen I foolishly thought i was doing well just before knocking over an open spice jar full of ground coriander. Now my wheelchair is bespattered with this fragrant fine powder, I’m now leaving a spice trail.

But I’ve been thinking about feeling useful. And we still are:


Very nicely done Steve. And being useful is something that many of us crave now that our days of paid employment are over.


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Good morning Steve, and all of you on this fine sunny day. Thank you for that, because I am feeling exactly that…useless. My husband is more and more doing the pity stare, sighing and general taking over every element of life because he can and he moves quicker. No he is not mean and over bearing, just trying to do everything except sit down and talk, and it’s driving me nuts! He’s a kind and good man, but does it actually matter that the house is a little untidy? So yes I will try and do and be as long as possible, but some days this seems to be very very difficult and not worth the effort. Might drag myself off on scooter and buy something nice to eat, naughty but nice. Have a good day xx (not a superficial tone, a genuinely good day)

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I can totally identify with your comments today Slug. Yesterday hubby was in hyper mode. Bed stripped and changed, washing done and hung out. Then after lunch the vacuuming was being done…rather forcefully. Furniture being pushed out of the way, my pair of shoes flung aside, cat’s bowls picked up and banged on the worktop. He was obviously either feeling hard done by or had had enough. Why does he leave the work until it mounts up, or why does he feel it has to be done in a marathon session?

I feel totally useless as I sit idle, keeping out of his way. It seems all I manage to do these days is prepare and cook our meals. :frowning:

Hey Steve, coriander has a lovely smell! :slight_smile:


Hi Steve,

I just found out that there is a vacuum cleaner on the International Space Station.

There is a hoover in outer space and it’s useful. (And it’s travelling at 17,150 miles per hour).

That’s made my day.


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Whatever you get, can you have one for me?


Yup, I had a feeling I was a bit in the way this morning as washing was done, ironing completed, housework all done, shopping now underway. (He’s rubbish at bathroom cleaning though, doesn’t even notice when it’s been done, by Moi!)

So I am not entirely without use. I keep doing meal prep in order for the Masterchef to come along and actually cook the dam stuff. And he literally cannot see dust. (Old man’s eyes!)


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SO glad we can now edit posts. Previously this read as, “cat’s bowels picked up”!

He gets stroppy, but not so stressed that he’d disembowel the cats!!

Had a mental meltdown earlier and it all fell apart. Not a great day for me. Mobility at it’s worst and dragging my right foot, whilst shuffling along with my three wheeler, and STILL almost falling! Amid the tears and snot and soggy tissues, I managed to express my absolute fear of where this is going. It all came tumbling out.

My feeling of utter uselessness. My grief for the loss of the strong, funny, independent woman, who took no squit from anyone…where is she? (I miss her!!) The speed of my loss of mobility. Even since xmas, when I realised and totally accepted if I wanted to go anywhere outdoors, then it had to mean taking the motorised chair. My anger/despair at no longer being able to jump in my car and take the grandkids to the beach for a splash about, whatever the weather. Telling him he’d never signed up for this crap…etc etc etc. He came to me and held me until I was all cried out, and, as calm and gentle as ever, he handed me more tissues and told me he still saw me as the same person and I must try not to look into the scary future and try to take each day as it comes. He does. How lucky I am to have this man and how much I love him?!.

Now, I’ve totally taken over Steve’s thread with my rambling emotional mush. I’ll just put some cold pads on my very puffy eyes and hope nobody calls to the house. Sorry people. x

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Oh Poppy, you poor love. Almost making me cry for you.

You have managed so well given the bloody speed of your disability. It’s different when you’ve had MS for years. Yours has just arrived, moved in, rearranged the furniture and is ordering your life according to what it wants. MS has made you its bitch. (If you’ll forgive my mixing of metaphors!)

It happens to us all now and then, even now, the meltdown at the change. That feeling that ‘this was not supposed to happen’ and ‘this isn’t truly me, is it?’ We’ve all cried and needed some arms around us. Some people aren’t even lucky enough to have a Mr Poppy, or a Mr Sssue.

Of course you are still the person you always are. This is one of the best things about this forum. To me, you are funny, brave, strong, gorgeous Poppy. You’re not the stumbling, bumbling disabled body with which you now have to live. And that is true of all of us. You don’t necessarily see me as the badly disabled grumpy old bag I truly am. You just see what I portray in my posts (whatever that is, probably a disabled grumpy old bag!)

So when we plan an invasion, or a boat trip en route to the invasion, or a tea party, or whatever we choose, we know we can go there in our heads, we can make the forum people (who are the true personalities outwith the disabilities) real again.


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Aw Sue, Thank you. xx

Now I’m off bawling again!!

Poppy, you’re welcome to gatecrash. The important thing is to let off steam.

But all of us are useful or usseful as spelt in the title.

The pressure was too much for my marriage and that’s sad. But I’ve arranged things to enhance my independence and prove to others that I do have uses.

I can barely stand so the power chairs and scooter have really helped. I know a lot of us don’t like giving up the freedom of walking and doing things but it’s not admitting defeat; it’s finding a way round it.

Best wishes.

Hello Steve,

This is very well put and something we could all do with reading (even D. Trump?). I often feel pretty useless but then I just think of the so many people that just ‘take’ in life and don’t give anything back, such as drug dealers, rapists, D. Trump, paedophiles, murderers etc and I am just content to spend most of my hard scrounged cash on feeding the garden birds and buying plants to feed the bees.


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Thank you Steve. Today I just feel both useless and usseless.

It will pass I know, as everything does. I find your coping strategies inspirational and love your cooking posts. Tomorrow is another day.

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Hello Moira.

Feeding birds is a delight but feeding the bees affects the world. They are both noble deeds. I feed Seymour, myself and my daughter plus ex-wife.

i take it you don’t like the mayor of Trumpton. Personally, I find that men who are desperate to hide the shining glory of a naked pate, merely broadcast their own shallow vanity. And that’s all I have to say about such an insult to all that is good in human kind.

I know a few takers and fakers closer to home. They give us decent scroungers a bad name. I was brought up with the fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay mentality. The harder I worked the more I deserved. But you don’t always get what you deserve. Then there are the part-timers blessed with the gift of delegating personal responsibility unto others.

How about this for clever? A single mother with three children to three different fathers is not content with her council house and MPV. She fights for her children to be given special needs status thus enabling another avenue of benefits.

I appear to be angling for a rant so I’ll finish here and prepare for another day of domesticity.


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Hello Steve,

You are right in assuming that I am not a huge fan of D.T. But is anyone? It seems that even his wife looks rather bilious when in his company. But I am sure that Theresa May has a similar expression when she thinks of me as not only do I have MS and cannot work, but I developed these unwanted initials when I was still attending school so perhaps I am even less popular.



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good afternoon steve

poppy-the worst thing is not to let the emotion out and put a brave face on! i stopped lying in that sense to myself and others a long time ago. doesnt mean life is easy but it makes it bearable to live with yourself!

ellie x

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Thank you Ellie. Ah yes, the brave face. When I do crack, which isn’t very often, people are genuinely astounded to see I am not invincible after all! Brought up in Ireland by older parents and convent school educated by nuns, I was taught to be strong and independent, and to “toughen up” as it’s a hard world out there. Was that right? Hmm, debatable.

Still, I am who I am and today is a slightly better day. x