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being positive and staying positive

hi

i have been very good at being positive in the face of adversity.

now though it is becoming increasingly difficult to maintain this positivity.

i feel that i need to moan and complain for a month at least.

moan and complain loudly.

i’m annoying myself now. i expected to be able to stay positive and now i can’t.

ok bear with me whilst i have a rant.

my legs hurt all the time.

my feet hurt all the time.

my bladder is so annoying.

my hands are numb.

my fatigue levels are through the roof.

i want to stay in bed all day.

my family are so lazy and untidy.

i know after reading what i just wrote that i need to take an anti depressant, up my pain killers and slap the bums of my family.

any other suggestions?

carole x

2 Likes

Oh Carole. You are allowed to have days like these. I get the same feelings as you and I, like you, try and laugh my way through most of the bad days but there are time where I just want to shut myself away.

Have you been overdoing it lately? Sounds like you need to crash for a bit and look after you and not everyone else. Let them look after themselves and you rest and rest.

You are usually so positive and have helped me through many of my bad days.

Hope you feel like your old self soon sweets.

((((Hugs)))_

Shazzie xx

Stay cool, Carole.
The very last thing that you want is an SSRI anti-depressant - they tend to make you feel worse, overall.
A rant? Of course you can have a rant. We will all look at it.

You are not alone here.

Geoff

1 Like

Well, you just rant as much as you need to make things a bit better for you! I don’t think you can be positive all the time, I know I can’t! I don’t know how old your family/children are, but if they’re old enough to sort themselves out, then let them. When you’re feeling like this you need to be strong (& selfish too!) & look after yourself until things are brighter. Sometimes when we always paint a happy face on, others actually believe it & think we’re coping ok, when in truth we feel like SCREAMING!!

So slap those lazy bums & take some time just for you…& rant as much as you want!

Rosina x

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hiya carole

you know me well enough (through here) i hope to understand what i am about to say!

i agree with geoff re medication…

re family-you go on strike! but it will mean u keeping schtum and being patient. i say that from experience! my kids were 3,4,10 and 11 when i was diagnosed so i know how hard life is/can be! though at this point i think its easier for me in some ways because there is no other adult involved. i asked that all dirty washing goes in laundry basket-if its in there then it will be washed/dried (now carer does that as i cant). they eventually learned the hard way-ran out of clean clothes! but its natural now to put dirty stuff in the basket!

they all learnt from an early age that we need/are a team (thats nothing to do with ms but just being family) now for example eldest son takes ashes out and youngest (now 12) brings in the coal so we ALL are warm.

i know that many women feel that they keep it all together. thats just setting ourselves for stress and hardship on so many levels. take a step back (without falling!) and try to look objectively at the whole situation and realise that you are only responsible for your actions-not anybody elses.

i write this trying to be objective even tho my heart is in turmoil (have lost 3 friends with ms) and my outlook tho the same has been very much strengthened recently because of issues i have had to face.

am happy to discuss further if you think it will help you. i dont for a second claim to know all the answers but you will know from what i write on here that keeping positive is the key to this ms malarkey.

on thing i have learned is break time into 15 min slots-much more doable than daily/weekly etc. and u can manage that so a wee boost of achievement …

take care and your positivity is not lost, its just having a wee wobble… ellie x

thank you all who have replied.

the rant did me good although i still feel like a crock of cr*p.

​my boys are 25 and 26, eldest (who professes to be my husband but really is another kid) is 60.

they are all working, a hard, physical job, but its just the state they leave the place in.

when i came down today there were 2 banana skins left on the dining table as well as a mountain of cups and plates.

clean washing has been left for them to put away for almost a week.

when i’m feeling physically weak, this makes me want to scream.

i do love them all but i’m being sorely tested!!

ah well, going back to bed in protest now.

carole x

I know this will drive you potty. I would just leave it all til they get home. They need to know how this is making you feel. You are such an inspiration and they need to take precious care of you. Shame you haven’t got the strength to kick them all up the bum cause I reckon that’s what they need.

Shazzie xx

You have plenty, plenty, plenty to rant and rave at fate about, as do we all.

My only suggestion would be to try not to let day-to-day irritations be the focus of your grief and distress. MS had filtered-worded up your life; of course that pain and anger is going to leak out sometimes - where else is there for it to go? And if banana skins and piles of un-put-away laundry happen to be standing in the line of fire, they are going to catch it, aren’t they? Give those messy boys of yours a hug, Carole, and I hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Alison

Hi Carole

Snap! I know how you feel girl, I guess we all do in here but I always find it harder to hear other people feeling so low rather than myself - bizarre that!

I lost the plot 3 months ago and felt there was no hope with it all and I didn’t know what to do to be ‘positive’ which I know is the best MS medicine. Therefore, a gift I share with you today in hope that you find your positivity again (its not normal to have it EVERY day but you know what I mean…) - I read a book called ‘29 Gifts’ by Cami Walker and it literally changed my life!

You give a gift a day for 29 days and keep a journal and the abundance this builds in your life it crazy! I still have down days and am currently going through a very tough time with work at the mo but I truly believe that if it wasn’t for this book (which if nothing else is a comforting read) and the giving challenge then I wouldn’t be able to cope at all!

I am on the third cycle of giving and find that I can be positive most days as a result. I haven’t sent this to sound patronising, just in hope it can help you find some light at the end of the tunnel. Keep smiling flower - I am sure you are doing better than you think x

1 Like

Hi Carole, sorry to hear that things are rough right now but that’s the dreadful ms invasion isn’t it? I think a good kick up the bum is required here also. Reason: I bet you would rather work a heavy job than have ms, we all would.

Sometimes, and we mums know that this is the hardest thing to do, ijust letting them get on with it is the only way. Just look after Número Uno for a change. Wash one cup, plate and whatever else you need. I know you can’t do this with smaller kids but your kids are grown men.

Get cuddled up, it’s freezing out, nice hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows or some other guilty pleasure and take a sickie. You can’t go to work if you’re sick so you can’t work at home either…

Good luck! (((Hug))) xx

what works for me is the realisation that many others are still worse off than me.

i got diagnosed at a time of 6 year old children dying of ebola and thus couldn’t even be comforted by parents or loved ones, but were left to contend with ‘monsters’ is hazmat suits.

i got diagnosed at a time of journalists and aid workers having their heads hacked off for nothing more than televisual propaganda in support of a nonsense corruption of a religious ideal.

i have known people in my life personally, who have died at a much younger age due to depression, drug addiction and leukaemia.

i did have a doctor’s appointment which started “well it isn’t cancer”; but also i know people who were not so fortunate, had to endure surgery and now persist with the fear of the unpredictable return of the C word.

we all have challenges. we all have reasonable grounds to bitch and whine. but we also fight battles that no one else knows about. not fully anyway.

i take comfort from counting my blessings, even when others fail to appreciate my burdens.

i appreciate that it can be the little things in life, which provoke the greatest annoyance. But i also know that maintaining sight of the bigger picture, means you barely notice the little things at all.

good luck with your banana skins :slight_smile:

Doin my best to b positive , folk often say they r amazed at how cheerful I am…yeah, but not always and defo NOT today! Ah well, as Scarlet O’Hara said “Tomorrow is another day”.

In it da troof!

Hang in there hun…we’ll all hang together…together…Frog song!

Luv pollx

hi again

i also read 29 gifts about 5 years ago and it really has helped me too-still does today.

ellie

aw thanks poll for making me laugh.

i ordered that book 29 gifts from amazon after reading your recommendations red and ellie.

i feel a bit ill so that probably explains why i’m so down.

maybe i need to see the doctor tomorrow.

love you lot, i really do!

carole x

I think the others have already said it all, Carole, but I do think you’re being hard on yourself, if not downright unrealistic.

Is anyone with an incurable degenerative disease always positive? If they are, perhaps they don’t appreciate the gravity of the situation?

No, I do not think you need medication just for NOT being positive about a pretty raw deal! Feeling down about a depressing list of symptoms that you don’t expect ever to be fixed is a normal human reaction, not something that needs medicating away.

It’s very difficult to look on the bright side, when the only bright side is that you could be worse…or dead! I’m afraid I’m not one of those people who’s ever managed to persuade myself that MS is really a blessing in disguise, sent to make me a better person. It does make me see some things in a different light, but is any wisdom I’ve gained worth the cost? Frankly, no! I’d rather have stayed healthy and oblivious - as, I suspect, would most people.

So give yourself a break! If someone slapped you in the face, would you be beating yourself up over not being more positive about it? Well MS is one permanent slap in the face, so don’t try kidding yourself that you ought to be grateful.

Yes, there are always people worse off, blah, blah, but that doesn’t always help much, does it?

What if it was a friend who had some chronic illness, not you? Would you be ticking them off for not staying positive enough, or offering a bit of TLC?

Tina

x

1 Like

hi Carole

Like you i try to keep positive, having a good moan once in a while is good as long as you revert back to your own self after , and also for your own sanity, unlike my in-laws who moan constantly , and as my sister says thought it was you that had the critical illness. Tried a few days ago to change the subject by admiring a young man’s hair colour to be then told did i fancy him he was probably the same age as my oldest

you have to laugh

trish

UPDATE

i’m still hurting everywhere but my sense of perspective is back

tina - you’re right, if i can’t have days of felling p*ssed off then who can?

paulo - your picking up on the banana skins mad me roll my eyes at myself

have i told you all before that i love you lot?

so today i’m going to the ms therapy centre to have some HBOT and a good chat and giggle.

part of my feeling down was losing confidence in driving, so i’m getting onto that motorway and will get there safely - one demon faced and conquered!!

carole x

1 Like

We love you too Carole.

I too have been upset this week. My little car got sold last week as my driving has nt been good lately. When I saw it get driven away it made me cry as I knew that was my independence going out of the window.

You have a good time at the Therapy Centre and hope you have loads and loads of laughs.

Shazzie xx

we cant stay positive all the time,its not realistic to expect to… i try my best to.but at times its just too hard,were only human

be kind to yourself,have some ME time and rest…hope you feel better soon…i always feel ill this time of year…i look forward to spring,my favourite time of year…

j x

Shazzie

​ i know how hard it is to give the driving up.i made the choice a few years ago, i just didnt feel safe to drive.my reactions to me were not as they should be to drive,i missed it a lot at first.but you do adapt in time.but it hurts like h*** at first.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))

J x