Right guys I need your honest opinions please? I have a three and a half year old boy who is amazing… We were thinking of having more and my consultant sees no problem in this, however I am now having doubts? The reason for this is that in the last 26 months I’ve now had three relapses, this current one feeling like its affected my leg and I’m not sure at this point how much this is going to improve as its my last day of the steroids today and I believe that they can take a while to take affect too esp as my leg started playing up at the end if November and I’ve only realised its a probable relapse last week as it went incredibly weak. I now wonder whether I should be happy with what I have and ensure that my life is as best as possible for the lil boy I have and my husband of course and for me too. It took us 18 months to be blessed with Charlie and to be honest I’ve been off birth control now since Feb last year although in that time had a tumour removed from a saliva gland so there was no trying then. I now wonder if maybe our life is meant to be with one child. My main reason for wanting another too was for a sibling for my boy so if I get bad he would not need to deal with things on his own or feel alone? If I’m honest I am happy with life as it is but this decision is making me up and down if you know what I mean. Then I have wobbles where I think I really really want another baby but I have to say Charlie was a fantastic baby, sleeping through from 8/9 weeks and to be honest even up to this age he has rarely woke in the night unless ill or going through them silly phases of naughtiness! I’m not guaranteed another like that so that throws dilemmas up too. To add to that charlies birth was very traumatic…I lost 7.5 pints of blood and was poorly for a good few months, and also had postnatal depression too. If this all happened again I’m not sure how well I would cope and Charlie being the age he is makes the hard times when I am not feeling 100% easier as he can do more for himself and is easier to entertain. I have also briefly thought of adoption but I know the process is very long for this and I’m not sure this is the answer either. Charlie is a very sociable boy and has lots of little friends too so I do not think he is missing a sibling. I mean you can’t miss what you don’t know can you? I was an only child for nine years and whilst I would never change my brother for the world I had a good childhood as an only child too. I would appreciate this advice. I really feel if I was to make a decision one way or the other my mind might be at rest and less confused (for now). Some people would kill for just one which makes me feel by selfish at times as I have a very good friend who would make a perfect mummy but has yet to be lucky with that task and is now on her 2nd IVF. Thanks. XXX
Honest opinion - stick with Charlie. No two children are the same and even though he is great another may be hell on two legs [I can attest to that].
Instead of adoption why not go down the fostering route. You can specify the age limits of children you will foster and whether to be long term or short term. A friend who does short term fostering often has babies or toddlers when mum is too poorly to care for them - usually up to six weeks.
You may think you would hate to give them back but think of the relief you could give to a mum having a major operation…or one of us having a disabling relapse.
Thanks for your reply…I don’t tank fostering would be for me really but I can see your point. I think really the choice is one child or two naturally. Hopefully I’ll get so more replies to help influence my decision and my mind can be put at rest as I do feel this decision is right at the fore front of my mind all the time. Thanks Hun x x x
I think you’re the only person who can decide.
I think about this often. I had a child when I was very young and she is 10 now. I’ve always known I wanted another and that my family wouldn’t be complete. I’m in a newish relationship so I’m not sure when it would be possible to have another one. If it were in the next year or two I’d go for it. But the idea of being off my DMDs scares me.
I would also have to see what the MS has in store for me and how “able” I am when the time comes.
The idea of going from having a 10 year old who can wash, dress, feed herself etc, back to a small child who needs constant attention and time…that’s scary. I think I would have one more personally because I can’t imagine never being pregnant again or never having another child. But I also know that I have to be fair on my partner and my daughter and if the MS gets worse and I need more and more help, then bringing another child into the mix wouldn’t be a great idea. I’ll have to weigh up all those things when/if the time comes.
I think that as you are currently well then you could go for it. But if you’re only doing it for a sibling, and not because you feel your family is incomplete then maybe have a long hard think about it and see what you want.
Hi, mmm…you are like me, when big (and sometimes small too) decisions have to be made. I blame my star sgin…libra…always looking to balance things evenly. Even when I`ve made the decision, I still wonder if it was right.
So, back to you and your dilemma. Charlie sounds an adorable little fella and its good to read how much pleasure he gives you..............including the naughty times........theyll always be there!
Youve not mentioned your OHs thoughts on having another baby.
I imagine he wouldnt be too eager, after all you went through with Charlie`s birth.
It took me 5 years to decide on a 2nd baby, as I had a rough time with my 1st. Of course a sibling is good, but there`s no guarantee they are going to get along.
I think, all considered, i would stick with the one child. And enjoy your lives without thinking about what ifs all the time.
luv Pollx
an old mum of 60, with 2 daughters and 4 grandchildren.
Thanks very much for your advice. Most of me is only doing it for a sibling…I would in some ways like another baby cos they are so cute but as we all know being a parent is hard work and we are getting our life back the older Charlie gets to some sense. My other half would go with what I want…he worries my m.s could be affected further as whilst the consultant says its fine that’s not a guarantee ill be okay esp considering last time the experience was not down to m.s and I was lucky really that the m.s didn’t misbehave. In all honesty if I said do you want another he would likely edge for no over yes :-0 and I think this is because he is happy with one and it would give him a little reassurance in our future if that makes sense. I don’t feel my family is incomplete either and don’t get particularly broody like I did when planning Charlie …i would love to carry a baby again as it was fab but thats no reason to have one…I think myself lucky i have experienced this once unlike my friend 
however Meme i can understand your situation especially if your in a new relationship too but I do agree when the time comes you need to think about it and i am sure you will, you sound very sensible. Xxx
Hi again. Well it sounds like you have made your mind up.
please try to forget the idea of having another baby.
Yes they are cute, but remember…not always! having a tiny baby takes oodles of strength and you may not be able to find that. Having 2 children to care for is MUCH harder than one.
Little Charlie has got a great mum and dad.
luv Pollx
Thanks Poll… I think a I more or less have, best discuss it with the hubbie …will keep you posted in that. Almost feel a bit of relieve at maybe just coming to a decision. X x x
I’d agree that I’d stick with 1. My eldest now 8 is an adorable young man - his sister (a mistake! Sorry!) is 5 and the stroppiest madam going. she hits my son, screams, cries… my husband just found all that very difficult/stressful. She was a daddy’s girl, because to keep the stress levels down he would give in (which is now not serving her well!). Don’t get me wrong - on her good days, she is the cutest kid going, but she is MUCH harder work than my son ever was!
My husband did find it very difficult with a new baby - I’m not sure what your MS issues currently are? He was able to walk (buggy holding or with a stick) when she was tiny, but he wouldn’t risk picking her up. Because of his fatigue, all the running around was left to me and me alone (which was exhausting), and I felt compelled to do all night wakings etc so he could get his rest. My husband was very close to our daughter (our son is the mummy’s boy), but I know he found it difficult.
Thanks SJE we had a long chat last night and have come to the decision we are going to be happy with what we have got. As I have said its just not worth the risk and not just to my m.s…but reality is that with Charlie I nearly died. I was even told that had I been in just a midwife unit and not already in hospital I would not have made the transfer in an ambulance so I am very lucky and so are my family. With this decision this now allows us to make long term decisions for us for the future and today I will be making that call to get my contraceptive sorted. Folic acid has already gone and whilst here will always be a little bit of me that may wonder I really do feel this is the right decision and I do not think I will regret it. Thanks for your reply and I hope your little girl improves. I do believe little girls do have more of a tendency to be little madams than the boys…many of my friends have told me that. It may pass hun xxx