And it’s nothing to do with them being in denial, or feeling guilty it’s because the are uncaring people. It’s bad enough having m.s. without having to feel responsible for how others feel. Selfish/uncaring people are selfish and uncaring because they allow themselves to be selfish and uncaring. Of course they like to create the illusion to their friends etc. that they are caring and conerned. I flound it hard to distance myself from my non-caring family but felt better for doing that. I have no hesitation in telling people the real reason why I don’t bother with the majority of my relatives – empowering!
My male family members don’t show emotion except in really extreme circumstances but do help in practical ways as long as they are asked so I can forgive the fact that they don’t ask how I feel. My sisters on the other hand don’t do either. They distanced themselves from all of us several years back just when we could have used some support.
Mum had severe angina, often needing a wheelchair. Dad was undergoing tests and was then diagnosed with sarcoidosis which has affected his kidneys, lungs, eyes, heart and left him severely arthritic in all his joints. My sisters stopped visiting or phoning them even though they live very locally. Mum always said it was because they thought they might be asked to help and they were too selfish! Then I was in hospital twice during diagnosis for MS and one sister didn’t even get in touch at that point. The other one did but was as much use as a chocolate teapot, in fact when she phoned me the day after my discharge from hospital and said I must be glad to be home, I told her it was actually more difficult as I was responsible for cooking and making meals but still couldn’t feel my hands and could hardly walk. She rang off very quickly at that point, confirming my mum’s suspicions!
When mum died I did notify them but they didn’t even turn up at the funeral so I made the decision to sever all ties. I can’t say I have missed them. Now when people ask how many siblings I have I just mention my 2 brothers. Dad does the same when asked about family. It’s actually less painful than mentioning 2 women that just don’t care.
Being treated badly by family is a form of bullying and it’s not easy to fight back. It’s easy to go into denial about what is happening. When I started fighting back I found it helped me and now I regard them as not worth bothering with. In fact I feel better than them morally because they haven’t got the ability to care whereas I do. And yes, I look down on them.
afraid it is the old saying you can pick your friends not your family, I have distanced myself away from hubbys family due to them constantly moaning and sorry sitting for two hours of moaning is not something I wish to go throught , I will visit periodically put up with it long enough and yes what you describe is them down to a tee a face for some
Hi, I think it is a sad state of affairs if family dont help or show they even care. I am in the same boat with some of mine.
You`ve done your best…let it go…I find that hard…but why keep trying to get blood out of a stone, when you know it will never happen.