So I got dx in Febuary and since then, my husband has hardly touched me sexually. I can easily count on one hand the amount of times. I am still able bodies, and show very little symptoms. What can I do to change him into thinking I am a special case and I am still the woman he married?
The only thing you can do is talk to him, explain your still the same woman and still want him. He may need time to get his head around it and is afraid incase he hurts you. Failing that, seduce him. Let him know he is on a promise with kisses, hugs, winks and innuendo. Men are very visual as well, my husband does not appreciate sexy lingerie but yours may, if so sex it up. My husband likes it if I just turn up naked and willing. First try talking though, he may be very upset and scared and his libido may have taken a hit. Good luck.
I agree with Rachaels mum, you initiate.
He might be worried you don’t feel like it, so show him you do.
Would he be frightened of hurting you or making you feel uncomfortable. My hubby used to worry about worsening my symptoms following an intimate moment but once I reassured him that it was ok the problem was resolved and he stopped worrying.
Just talk to him and reassure him that you want things to be the same as they were before d/x.
Hope this helps.
See what a pair of heels,and a few grams of silk does? You not him.
From my experience people including partners make assumptions without looking into the facts.
Example, for a hell of a long time when aids first appeared people were afraid of shaking hands, using the same glass etc despite all the facts saying it was harmless.
Your husbands problem could be because of MS but I reckon its more likely to be the unintended consequence of it and a fear of what the future might hold.
Therefore my advice would be, play down your symptoms to him and start introducing some positive titbits into conversations,like how a lot of people plateau and things dont get worse etc.
I’m saying this because, I’ve lost close people and although nobody would be honest/blunt enough to admit it,people are afraid of being burdoned in the future so they make their excuses and drift away.
Its a lonely old disease and Ive found the best course is to not involve others who are fit and healthy, especially partners. Nobody else can feel your pain and its not like its gonna heal in the foreseeable future,so partners just get frustrated because they are unable to help as much as anything else.
Hope this helps, although its not an immediate solution and might be deemed as being negative, but its not meant that way!
All the best
Us blokes are a pretty simple lot and don’t tend to do subtlety that well, so just get naked and that should send an unmistakable signal.
I think you’ve to unravel whether the problem is m.s. related or something else. My guess is that it’s the latter.
Totally agree with Shepherdess - my husband was afraid he’d hurt me…soon sorted that one out…took him away from home for a weekend and fed him just the right amount of red wine!
Whammel - you know that I adore you don’t you? If I got naked in front of my OH he’d tell me my outfit needed ironing!
Had to laff at Liz`s reply to Whammel!
My hubby told me, years ago, that me being like I am affected his way of looking at me!!! I dont think he meant in the actual sight of me, but his own fears…???
I did try to initiate things a few times, but it wasnt appreciated.
Hence, it is 10 years since we got it together. I miss the closeness. Now I get a kiss good night and the occassional pat on the head!
Our little poodle, Lucy, gets more cuddles than i do and yes! I am jealous.
Pol - jump on him! Or take some intimate photos and send them to him. That’s how I made my OH realise that I’m still a woman. Albeit one with a body that does it’s own thing x
Well I was going to advise doing the ‘whole art of seduction’ thing. You know how it goes… subtle lighting,bottle of wine, classy but sexy lingerie. Mixed with playful looks, lingering touches and some provocotive flirting and innuendo…but why bother it seems that the male population are more than happy for us to ‘just get naked’ lol. I have learned so much on here…!!!
Seriously though I agree with Liz go away for a weekend and take wine. Everything can seem so much clearer without the clutter of normality. I know it’s difficult but don’t try to overthink things, go with the flow as they say.
I wish you both all the luck. Just remember what attracted you to each other in the first place.
Oh Liz. That is sooooo funny!!!
I was with someone for about a year before I was diagnosed. After I was diagnosed he basically was afraid to touch me. He started avoiding me, not letting me stay in his house and if he called over to mine, he wouldn’t so much as take off his jacket, let alone anything else.
We ended up splitting up not long afterwards. He was afraid of his life I’d get pregnant and my MS would get worse or something would happen to me. It didn’t help that one of his elderly neighbours has MS and is very disabled because of it.
We’re still friends and we’ve ended up together once or twice. When I meet him out, he can’t take his eyes off me. He still very much finds me attractive…but the MS scares him. I’ve offered him chances to come with me to talk to someone about it but he just isn’t willing to deal with it.
I’ve dated other people since who have no problem with the MS.
It’s a tough one but some people are just afraid of it.
Helen,a clever American once said," A naked woman looks better with something on."I think you get that.Another bloke gave a long list of what women need,things like mood lighting,sexy music,champagne,caviar etc…A man just needs a place.We’re not all like that…Anymore
Oh,your advice is good,and where there’s a will there’s a way. It’s also true that where there’s a willy there’sa way
I got told all you have to do is show up naked and bring beer for a bloke! ! In all seriousness though he may just be scared of hurting you etc Axx