Forum

Adoption

Hello all & thank you in advance for any help you can provide.

My husband and I first applied to adopt Jan '14 and we’re near to the end of the approval process, hoping to go in front of Panel in January or February.

My MS has been the topic of choice throughout our journey and we still seem to have a wall in front of us. I suppose I’m asking for suggestions / wisdom for how we can prove that I am capable of parenting successfully. I am devising a plan for what to do in a relapse and have full support from all health professionals. We have proactively educated our Social Worker. If anyone has personal experience of adopting with MS and is happy to help please dm me.

For ref. I have had MS for 10 ye, only 2 major relapses to date. Recovered in full from bilateral optic neuritis and my 2012 relapse has limited my mobility long-term. I medicate with Tecfidera.

Thank you xx

Guess it’s impossible for anyone to prove they are capable of ‘parenting successfully.’

There are people with medical conditions who adopt children, some adoptees develop medical conditions. I know of someone whose husband died suddenly a few weeks after the adoption process for their son was completed.

Try to lower the profile of your m.s. - were you to become pregnant you would have to get on with it - the m.s. would not be an issue.

good luck

poll xxx

Hi, we have adopted three children - I had ms during this time but didn’t have a diagnosis - I did however have chronic kidney disease diagnosed which got worse over the years. Our children are 11,14 and 16 now but were all about a year old when adopted. Our social workers were concerned about my health issues but always checked with my hospital consultants for confirmation.

It is quite a while since we went through the adoption process but if I can be of any help, please ask and I’ll try!

good luck, Alison x

Hallo,

Myself and hubby are in exactly the same position, we started the adoption process back in November 2011 and were going great guns until I had my first medical issue in July/August 2012. Our social workers halted our ‘cleared for adoption’ journey as they (quite rightly) needed to understand what was going on with me medically.

At the time, I just had a little patch of numbness. Over the last 3 years, we have continued to meet with them but they have told us and confirmed to us in writing, that my health is of concern. After the first issue, they pulled our application and required us to step away from the process for a year as they classed it as a traumatic event and the rules for that particular borough council states that we have to have a ‘clear’ year before prceeding again.

Bearing in mind, once the numbness went (treated with Vitamin D & B12 as both levels were very low), they still wanted me to have a firm diagnosis one way or another.

I still do not have a firm diagnosis still.

I am now suffering with a level of foot drop/fatigue (started last April) and they have told me (although I am mobile (to an extent) and capable, that it would not be in the best interests for us to continue. I work full time, look after our family home (albeit by shuffling around after I work for more than a couple of minutes continuously) but when I pushed the point, they informed us that we were looking at this from a selfish view point.

I am sure there is a degree of truth in what they say, but my neuro will be writing to them, so we will see where we go. It’s been a rollercoaster and we are drained.

I think your relapse plan seems very sensible and lots and lots of luck with your journey. I know, having discussed this with other potential adopters at the events they hold plus friends from other areas, much depends on the actual social workers as well as the rules that govern the particular council/area that are responsible for your clearing. Our SW wants us to spend as much time with friends children as possible so that their statements can highlight our capability of looking after children and our coping strategies around my health.

Sorry I can’t provide any real help but hopefully, there is some comfort in knowing that you are not alone!

Good luck and do lets is know how you get on.

Rosey x

Hi

We are hoping to adopt. However, wall after wall has been put up and it is all to do with me having MS. I am in a wheelchair and that seems to be the problem. I have tried to get voluntary experience but as they will only accept young children this closes a lot of doors. I am an experienced teacher but because I wasn’t in a wheelchair then it doesn’t count. My GP has done the required medical and it was good. The only thing wrong with me is MS.

Now because I can’t go upstairs they have closed the case for safety reasons. Ironically we too the stair lift out for safety reasons. I have explained that if there were an emergency upstairs my husband would help as his work is walking distance.Any advice would be good

Kate

I can’t be of much assistance, but I am adopted myself, so can maybe see it from the other side…! The one thing I would say is always be open with any kids you take on, right from the beginning. I’ve always known I was adopted and it’s never bothered me (my parents used to tell me bedtime stories about a lady who couldn’t look after her baby properly for one reason and another, and was brave enough to organise someone to take the baby on who could look after her…) Slightly lowering to realise that my biological mother wasn’t bright enough to use contraception and thus got up the duff at 15, in 1967 when that sort of thing just wasn’t done! However, I had a friend who only found out in her thirties that she was adopted - and it messed with her head to a huge extent. Parenting boils down to what you do, not bloodlines. My (adopted) folks are precious to me; can’t help asking myself what would have happened to me if they had not picked me… where I’d be now…

Slightly off-topic, but in relation to your personal story: I don’t think it’s a case of your birth mother not having been bright enough - not mature enough, or just not educated enough, perhaps - they didn’t have sex education!

My parents married in 65, at the age of 26, knowing nothing! There were all sorts of rumours and misinformation, such as you couldn’t get pregnant on a first time, or at least that it was very unlikely. My mum could, and did - she returned from her honeymoon pregnant with me!

I don’t think they had planned to have children for quite some time, and my dad was not best pleased, as he’d expected to have his new wife to himself for at least the first year or two.

I was two months premature as well, so seven months in, they’d got an unplanned baby.

Neither of them was thick, but how could they have known what nobody (in those days) talked about? You may think Swinging Sixties and all that - surely everyone knew about everything? It’s not true. Mum and Dad had to buy a book about what to do - and it obviously can’t have included a chapter on family planning (but if it had, I wouldn’t be here). The book must have been quite successful in other ways, though.

Tina

x

You’re probably right, Tina, I’m being overly cynical, and probably don’t have a very accurate impression of the ‘swinging sixties’ - seeing as I wasn’t there for most of them! But the thought of people not talking about sex/pregnancy etc at all… I just can’t get my head around that, at least the idea of people not knowing the basic mechanics of it - that’s completely alien to me. Glad that things are becoming more open now. I’ve never wanted kids, I’m not in the least a ‘mumsy’ type… and seeing that a lot of ladies with MS seem to get considerably worse after having babies, I’m not about to change my mind any time soon!

My partner is recently diagnosed although adoption was always of interest to us before this. My brother has adopted in the past year. My partner already has a son from his first marriage who we have 50/50. We are getting married this year and were looking to start the process in 6 months, this was our intention even before diagnosis. Does having a child already in the household prove that we are capable then? Just by reading some of the other post it seems that having hands in childcare evidence being an issue.

Sorry I’ve not got any answers only another question.

Apparently it depends on the age of the child and the prognosis of your partners MS after a medical by your GP as well what the medical officer for your social worker thinks. My biological children are adults and so I cannot show child care skills.

Well my partner has no symptoms or disability and its a 6 year old we have in the house. I’m hopeful that this will put us in a good light for adoption. I believe our GP will also fully support us in this. Fingers crossed.

My parents adopted me when I was 14 mos old. My adoptive father had kidney disease and was on dialysis and my adoptive mother had galloping MS. My mother told no one anout her disease and my father downplayed the severity of bis. My mother died when I was 9 and my father when I was 11 leaving me without a family. I think itbwas very selfish of them to just hope that things would work out.