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A Rant

Clarke Carlisle

Just watched this ex sportsman being interviewed on the BBC.

He tried to commit suicide last December.

His first comment to annoy me, was to say the decision to end his life was based on logic! NO!

There is nothing logical about suicide. What about the poor man/woman driving the truck? What about the effect on family/friends. Where is the logic there?

This guy wants to set up a foundation to help others, which in itself is good. He just better seek more understanding of mental health issues before spouting off on a public forum.

People who resort to suicide as a result of depression are not thinking logically-they may think they are.

Perhaps the interview was badly edited and hopefully he has give some thought to the guy that hit him.

And breathe Noreen ​

X

my husband was furious when he heard of this.

stupid b…d etc.

i pointed out that mental health issues are a serious illness but he couldn’t get past his successful football career .

a badly produced/edited interview.

good point that these should be carefully made.

1 Like

hiya noreen

i did not see the interview so cant comment.

however my dad committed suicide. he had no ‘mental health issues’ and knew exactly what he was doing.

he jumped in a river knowing he couldnt swim.

i guess he didnt consider the effect on his wife and 5 kids he left behind. or the canoeists who found him 2 weeks later…

i have to believe it was a moment of madness, of desperation and not being able to see a solution (to whatever he thought the problem was)

thats partly why i am always saying on here that no matter how bad ms gets/is then the key to coping is a strong mental attitude/coping mechanism is essential no matter what the carcass is doing.

ellie

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Ellie, I’m sorry to hear about your father commiting suicide. What a terrible thing for you all to go through.

I must gently disagree though Ellie. Your father obviously was going through some mental anguish to feel suicide was the only way out.

My anger this morning is in relation to the choice of suicide. Someone is always going to be left behind and feel the sadness and pain-if we are lucky to have loving people in our lives. There are better ways to kill oneself, without traumatising another person.

Perhaps that truck driver will end up being seriously affected himself by what happened that day. What if he’d swerved and caused other cars to crash.

X

hiya noreen

i totally agree re the mental anguish. for how long previously we have no idea because there was nothing at all out of the ordinary to note. because there was no medical/depression element at that time it was essential that we all found an explaination for us that enabled us to move on.

the what ifs and whys could still have been going on today unless we accepted that we would never know and it was the only ‘solution’ he could see at that time. so yes-irrational but i am guessing only for seconds but that was long enough for the deed to be done…

mum has remarried and us 5 ‘kids’ are some of the strongest people i know!

ellie x

ellie, i’m so sorry that you and your family had to deal with such a horrific loss, my family came very close to the same thing. my mother failed in her attempt, so i had the opportunity to talk to her about it, on many occasions. there’s no sense to it, at all, there’s just what happened. my dad and we 3 daughters could see but never truly understand the level of despair that led to her attempt.

in the 1970’s, my mother made a, thank god, failed attempt on her life. it definitely wasn’t a desperate cry for help, she’d desperately wanted to die (from talking together years later) she’d been suffering from extreme mental ill-health, being bipolar. she had been in our local hospital’s psych. ward as a voluntary patient for some time (i was a child of about 8, at the time, i’m not sure how long). after coming home she had fallen into a profound depression, which culminated in her taking all of her anti-depressants with most of a bottle of brandy. my mam was in the habit of wandering the house at night, so when my dad woke and she wasn’t in bed it wouldn’t have usually struck my dad as odd, except it just did. he could never explain why he’d felt something was really wrong, but he just ran down to find her barely alive. he’d phoned for an ambulance and woken my sister (14-15 years old) to look after me and get me to school(?!). my mam’s heart stopped several times and she was resuscitated. thankfully there were no lasting physical effects. the day after her attempt was the first time i ever heard my dad cry, he sobbed his heart out, that night. i suddenly found myself staying with my aunt and uncle for a couple of weeks, they were relentlessly cheerful, i remember.

at the time, and for years, i hadn’t a clue what had happened. everything about home life had been ‘skewed’, for want of a different description, it stayed that way for years. we were lucky enough to have a fabulous dad. he just got on with life as best he could.

my mam was sectioned, staying in hospital for a few months, i later learned that she had had electroconvulsive therapy, which she told me about being terrified of, at the time. when she came home, she was really quite out of it. the next few years we all muddled along my. mam was on fairly heavy duty (very carefully controlled) tranquillisers, she saw her psychiatrist regularly too. i would say that it took about 5 years for her to start feeling/seeming like she was more herself and in control. this coincided with me becoming a teenager, i was the only one of 3 daughters (she’d had no real choice but give up our brother for adoption, when she was a teenager) who had time at home, after the worst of her mental ill health was over. we talked about her life many times.

she’d grown up being mentally and physically abused by her mother, which was at the core of her ill health and the basis of a tragically low sense of self worth. something i’ll carry with me till i die, is her telling me that by the time she’d first started school that she’d ‘known that she was ugly, stupid and worthless’ it took a while to type those last few sentences, then i had to cry for a bit. and again.

my mam was beautiful, incredibly bright and articulate, kind, so funny and worth the world to us. i remember her telling me how someone she knew had been surprised that she’d had a serious ‘breakdown’, my mam had told her ‘i broke my leg once, too’, which just sums up her humour and pragmatism. she always had to fight to stay emotionally ‘level’, throughout the remainder of her life, but there was so much love and laughter in that time, she saw all 4 of her adored grandchildren, born, too.

my mam told me that the point at which she attempted suicide, she felt an immense stillness, and believed in a desperate ‘certainty’ that suicide was the ‘right choice’. she later recognised that this was all part of her illness, it definitely wasn’t about logic. above all else, she loved us children and my dad, so to have been so incredibly desperate as to do this, with her 2 youngest children in the house, defies ANY attempt at logic.

my mother was an incredible woman, she’s always with us, in our hearts. we were lucky enough to enjoy many more years with her. the most important bit of this post is her words ‘i broke my leg once, too’, mental illnesses are no different to other kinds of illness, in that they can be treated and people can adapt, to learn to manage and live with their symptoms. god knows i would never be glib about mental ill health, there are many kinds, like my mam’s, that have to be fought with, but if a person gets past those times of desperation. then there can be joy and laughter again. the best thing is to seek help, talk (or type) and above all fight your way through.

sorry it’s a long post,

wendy x

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Thank you for sharing so much of your story Wendy. I found it very emotional to read.

My husband is a an intelligent man. Retired now from quite a responsible job in the NHS.

He paints-water colors, oils etc. Chairperson of a couple of local groups.

We have been together 21 years.

My husband is Bipolar-he prefers to call it manic depressive. So I know and empathise with a lot of what you’ve written.

The positive is, we work together as a team and above all we share the love of laughter.

Take care

X

thank you, it’s good to know that someone else recognises what something like this is. it’s a condition that really impacts a family, ultimately, if there’s love there, it’s something that can lead to a greater appreciation of the person who has it. my mam always said manic depressive, too. as you’ll know it’s a name that really cuts to the core of the beast. i’m glad that you and your husband are such a good team, my parents were too. your husband is clearly very accomplished, regardless of BP/M-D, it’s good to know that treatments for all types of mental health issues are always improving too.

love to you both,

xx

wendy

thanks for sharing.

ellie x

Oh what an interesting, but very upsetting thread to read through, with it`s replies.

Baring our innermost private feelings and stories here, takes a lot of guts to do. Getting through such a story is emotionally draining.

I have personal experience of a mum who battled ill health for years and also tried to take her own life 3 times.

Although she did receive mental health treatment much earlier, I dont believe she was mentally ill when those 3 suicide attempts happened. I firmly believe she was worn out from battling ill health (heart failure). She was fed up of living with a serious condition, where there was never any hope of recovery.

When people do take their own lives, I believe it can be both in times of mental anguish, plus in times of clarity and a feeling of ending their struggle. Yes it does leave the family and friends with anguish and questions.

This subject is always going to be an emotive one, where different people have different viewpoints. We have to be more patient and tolerant of those views.

much love POllyxx

Thank you for sharing your story Poll.

You are right about it being emotionally draining, I certainly felt that way after but I hope we were respectful of each others views.

I can’t begin to imagine the emotional torment your mum must have gone through.

Take care

Noreen xx