Forum

A Pointless Existance

Hi All, a silly question but does anyone think whats the point anymore. I’m feeling like this at the moment. After being diagnosed in June 2013 I seem to be on a journey that I cant control with this horrid disease. There is no control in anything I do and nothing to look forward to in life. I wake up every day and the first thing I think about is MS, its become like an obsession. I have not been able to work constantly and have had more time on the sick than work. When I work I get a good salary but I always think whats the point of making money if I cant enjoy it. As well as the MS symptoms (walking issues, numbness and painful legs etc) the GP thinks im now depressed. I get emotional every day which is not like me at all, a 46 year old roughty toughty bloke. Where is life going to go with all this going on for the rest of life? Its feeling pretty empty. I know that there are a huge number of people much worse than me and seem to cope well but I just think, in my own situation, whats the point. Family and friends are a great help but why should they have to carry this burdon of disease as well. I would never consider bringing any harm to myself so will just have to sit out this pointless existance… And to top it all my flaming return key doesnt work on here!

Hi there, first of all I’m sorry to read that your feeling this way. It’s still very early days for you in this having only been diagnosed in June. All I can say is that although it doesn’t go away it does get easier. I’ve only been diagnosed a year and I still have bad phases but I’m a hell of a lot better than I was 6 months ago. It takes time to accept this situation that we have found ourselves in. Also, I would agree with your GP in that you are depressed and maybe they can give you something to help with that. I have suffered with depression for years and years and find it quite easy to spot the signs. If your emotional every day and that’s out of character for you then something’s not quite right. I take medication daily and it really helps me function and to cope with this disease. Don’t be too proud to admit your depressed if that’s the case. Take it easy and be nice to yourself, your going through a life changing time in your life and you need time to adjust. Take care.

Sorry you are feeling so low. As Lisa says, you are in the early stages of getting your head around a life-changing dx, and that is not funny.

If you were thinking about a friend in this situation, someone a bit like you, what might you suggest to him? I’m guessing, but I would guess you would suggest he cuts himself a bit of slack and gives himself time to come to terms. You might also suggest that, if he is feeling uncharacteristically low and is struggling to see the point, then he might like to listen to what the doctor says about depression and accept that the doctor probably isn’t making this stuff up. You might tell him not to be so hard on himself.

What I would add, from quite a few years with MS, is that you will get through this horrible stage. Your natural optimism and your ways of looking at the world will re-establish themselves. You will be surprised how resilient you are. It is great that you have good support from family and friends. It won’t be so long before you will be the one people are turning to for support in their trouble. Life is long. It is your turn to need a bit of support right now and that’s fine. Things will get better, really they will.

Good luck with it all.

Alison

.

Great advice from Lisa and Alison. Its very early days for you since diagnosis so try not to be so hard on yourself.

Are you on medication for your ms? because once you get the right meds it can make a big difference to how you feel.

The feelings you are having are quite normal at the moment. I would think most people here have gone through the same feelings themselves. My coping strategy was to stick my head in the sand and hope it would all go away. It took me a long time to even read up about my condition so you are already doing a lot better than i did at that time.

Take it easy and one step at a time as you feel ready to move forward.

I had help for depression for a short period as well so please get the help you need.

return key wont work on the site - do you have internet explorer? if so - it doesn’t work on here. I had the same problem so i downloaded google chrome instead and it now works fine (or you could use firefox?)

Take care

Teresa.x

Hi Anon,

As the others have said you have only had your dx 2 minutes. It takes much longer to find your sea legs – but you will.

The title of your post and the theme running through it “what’s the point?” – you are at the stage where you think there can be no pleasure or meaning to life if you have MS. I am happy to tell you that you are so wrong. There is a future, there is fun and there are things to enjoy even if you are disabled and changed by your condition.

You need something to look forward to. I think you should plan something that you can spend your “good salary” on. It could be something big like a holiday or just tickets to a live concert. But it should be something that you have never done before. Once you have done this you will see that even with MS you can have new and exciting experiences.

I agree with your GP – you do sound depressed. Perhaps a course of antidepressants will help you get it all in perspective.

Jane

hi anon

yes-i thought like this earlier this year. whilst folk tried to make me think positively i was in not in right frame of mind to listen. i wasnt depressed but my emotions were definately outwith my control. you say ‘theres no control in anything i do’ but theres is something under ur control-what goes on in yer head. it may a bit muddled at times (understatement!) but if u r true to urself and ur ideas then you will work through it.

every morning (for the past 8 years) the first thing i say/think is thank you. i am not sure who to but its because i have opened my eyes and i am still alive. i cant see out one of them but hey…

we go through a range of emotions daily-yes, even u hardy guys… they are natural-not a failure at being a man-us women are just more gobby discussing them…

where is life going to go u ask? you have no idea-neither has any one of us. but tomorrow will inevitably come so dont waste today worrying what could/might be-deal with whatever tomorrow brings once it gets here.

comparing yourself to others is of no good to you at all. its not a competition to see who copes the best cos we all do that in our own unique way-u do it ur own way (queue singing-i did it my…sorry ) if ur elbow/eye/leg/whatever is painful then its important to u and not comparable to someone else.

you ask why ur friends/family should carry the burden of ur/this disease. may i (bravely!) suggest that you dont do their thinking for them-leave them to do it for themselves!

have u tried meditation? that will help to sort out alot of daily rubbish from whats important. you may be depressed-i have no idea of knowing. i suspect u r overwhelmed by all the new feelings you have.

honesty is best-firstly with urself and then when u feel ready with those that care about you.

i hope some of this makes sense. i felt i had to reply to ur post. its with intention of helping u. if nothing that i have said interests u then ignore! thats all part of u finding ur way through this…

talk/write and get it out-it will help.

take care, hope ur return key works soon!

oops-my reply at 10.10 wasnt meant to be anon-sorry

Hello anon. What your asking is not silly but quite a normal question. I’ve just recently been diagnosed ( august) Your diagnosis is still new and must have been quite a shock for you. I know what you mean about feeling out of control, that really bothers me too. Yes I too would like a day when I didn’t think about MS but I don’t think that will ever happen. I think its just a case of trying to accept it and take it one day at a time. I don’t work, I had to give up my career for another health problem. Your MS may stabilise…you don’t know…none of us with MS does. You do seem very depressed anon and I hope you follow the advice of your gp…depression is something you can do something about. Is the gp/neuro looking at medication to help with your other issues? I hope in time things start to look more positive for you anon. Take care, Noreen

Hi Anon,

I won’t repeat what everyone has said cause they all make sense. This is a major upheaval but you will get past this feeling hopefully. I’m 42 and I’ve MS 12 years (albeit very mild) and my opinion has always been that if worrying about my MS cured it, then I would worry. But it won’t so it will only make it worse so there is no point in worrying.

Try to take heart from us lot when we tell you that you can and will cope.

Take care hun, lots of hugs

JBK x

p.s. - there are loads of back comments about the return key issue, that should sort out at least one annoying problem.

hi anon

just to add to the good advice already given, why don’t you join a ms therapy centre.

i wouldnt be without mine. a fantastic crowd to chat with, drink coffee and eat cakes with.

loads of different therapies to try and its all subsidised.

mindfulness mediatation is helpful. you can download some of it. i use the breathworks meditation.

life does go on and its not that bad.

give yourself time, cut yourself some slack and come back telling us how good your life is.

carole x

Anon

Accepting it takes time. I was diagnosed earlier in the year too and at my 2nd appointment at the start of July I was told it was likely PPMS, even a GP told me I was coping really well - last week there were tears twice and they weren’t quick efforts, they were proper full on bawling like a child (and I’m 43!).

I did truly think I was learnong to accept it when I started to be able to manage a full week without tears.

And as for depression on top, you probably do feel like you have a big black cloud hanging over you :frowning:

It was actually something really sad that happened that kind of forced me to accept it, one of my colleagues, who was really concerned/supportive when I was referred to neurology was diagnosed with a brain tumor more or less the same week and he was gone within a few weeks. Boy oh boy did I cry for him, getting teary now just thinking about it

My point is that MS will make my life difficult but it won’t kill me!

breathe

There is always something you can look forward to and there is always going to be someone who will miss you if you weren’t around so it’s never pointless!

Hopefully, if you deal with the depression you see the sun peeking out from behind that black cloud. I’ve suffered from depression before and it’s horrible, probably more horrible than MS in the way it makes you feel.

Take care

Sonia x

Hi, just look how many folk have replied and told you how it is/was for them when they got diagnosed.

I dont have MS anymore…I know, perculiar statement to make! But I was diagnosed with PPMS for several years and it turned out to be a mis-diagnosis!

So I do know how horrid it is to have that awful sentence aimed at you!

it can take some folk eons to get used to living with a serious condition and then just when you reckon youve got the hang of it, summat else goes wrong and you feel youre back to square 1!

As hard as it is, you have to dig deep, deeper than ever before, to find the you, who is still there…maybe in a different way, but he is still there you know!

As your GP has said you are suffering with depression, so are you now on something to help that? Dont ever feel embarrassed or ashamed to vent your true feelings here. We all now how it feels, we are here for each other, so talk to us, yeh?

luv Pollyxxx

Hi All

Many thanks for taking the time to read and to respond to my post, its very kind.

I have gained some fanastic advice from you all and even started implementing it already (hence the working return key)

I do like the idea of attending a MS Therapy centre, will the local branch of the MS Society be able to tell me of any in my area? I havn’t been in contact with them yet.

Had a quick look at mindfulness meditation and it looks interesting so will follow up on that as well.

Answering a couple of your questions- medication wise I am on Tysabri which seems to be going ok, I dont feel any worse since starting it but realise it wont make the symptoms any better just slow the progression of MS so I can take a positive from that.

GP has recommended I try counselling before she prescribes any antidepressants. her reason for this is that once prescribed they can take months to work fully where counselling will be quicker and maybe more effective. she also stated that its quicker for me to refer myself than her doing it as it can take several weeks to process !

I have also received a letter from a physio stating she will come and visit me at home instead of at the hospital, I didnt realise they done home visits but I’m pleased and accept gladly.

Once again many thanks for the kindness you have shown and I wish you all well.

Oh it is so good to read how all these replies have empowered you!

See, there is safety in numbers,…all for 1 and 1 for all, eh?

Have a good weekend of planning, eh?

much luv Pollyxx

Well done Anon! You have already made some positive steps forward.

I would think the local ms society branch will be able to give you any information you need.

By the way - even a roughty toughty 46 yr old bloke needs to get things off their chest sometimes. A friend of mine went for CBT (talking therapy) for a while and they found it most helpful. It was good to talk to someone who was not directly involved like family and friends. They can help you look at things in a more positive way.

I know i am female but i also find a good cry does me the world of good every now and then. (when i’m on my own!). Its quite therapeutic!

Glad you got that return key to work! lol!

Take care

Teresa.x

Excellent to read your feeling more positive about things…its a good start. I like the way your docs thinking, counselling is a good idea along with antidepressants. Too many GPs are quick to prescribe meds and send you on your way. All the best to you anon…let us know how you get on.

Just wanted to respond to say I’m pleased you’ve started to act on some of the very good advice on here. I can vouch for mindfulness meditation and am about to start counselling myself. MS can play havoc with both your physical and mental health. I try to remember that it’s not really me thinking negatively; it’s the affect this disease has on my brain. Hope that makes sense. Keep your chin up - one day at a time. Take care. xx

Hey RT (roughty toughty ;-D),

You obviously do see the point (otherwise you wouldn’t be posting), and RTs (in my experience) are fighters. :wink:

Yes, MS sucks, and there will always be people worse off than us, but that’s not you at the moment hun. You may well be depressed or suffering from ‘emotional liability’ (a common symptom of MS) so you have nothing to lose by going for counselling.

If your friends and family are supporting you, then they don’t see you as a burden, so your life is not empty at all. You just need to give yourself some time hun. We never know how things will affect us until they actually happen so please, cut yourself a bit of slack. Stress caused by expectations will not help at all.

Glad you got the return key to work (I know, it’s the little things) ;-D xx

.

Hi Anonymous.

I’m similar to you (aged 43, dx in April 2013 with PPMS, main problems are with walking, balance, weakness and stiffness). And, tbh, I’ve been feeling pretty low recently; the whole welling up for no apparent reason.

So I agree with all that has been said but 2 things I’m doing which are really helping;

  1. Exercise, down the gym. Lots of. Just makes me feel better and helps me keep the weight off.

  2. Re-inventing myself. Have decided to emabark on a new career. Have put the old professional me to rest and am now looking forward to the new (less mobile, physically weaker) professional me.

Hope this helps. Chin up.

Missed your original post and was about to reply but look how many people beat me to it and said all the things I would’ve said (and probably put it better too!).

I’m so glad you’re feeling more positive already. It took me a whole year after diagnosis to come to terms with it so don’t be too hard on yourself. This is when you find out who your real friends are so don’t push them away. They’re worth their weight in gold!

Take care, you’ll soon be Mr Roughty Toughty again. I’m a hard as nails biatch normally and my son hates it when go through a ‘soppy phase’. This MS is like a rollercoaster - trouble is I never did like the damned things in the first place :wink:

Tracey x