A desparate dad!....

You know what, I ‘have’ MS but, in spite of the fact that it seems to be PP, I can still sort of ‘live’ a reasonably ‘normal’ life, THANKS to a very supportive family (wife and son…). Unfortunately, we also have a mentally disabled daughter now living away from home BUT not too far away… I cannot stop feeling that bldy urge to jump in my car (my ‘foot functioning’ is still OK…) and pick her up, but apparently, this is no longer allowed… Suddenly, it’s all about ‘old people’ being at risk, and no one is mentioning ‘them’…, the, of course, non-volenteerily, (mentally) disabled people in our society!!! On tv I am watching that flppng rshl of a Trump, spitting Trump-sh*t into microphones… I love my wife, I love my son, and I love my daughter…, but…, to be honest…, I don’t know what to do!!! There must be more ‘MS folks’ out there, facing a similar (although ‘we’ are all unique…, which is bldy true!) kind of situation? Don’t we parents put our children first, at all times?!

Josfromglos as a mum of 4 with some of them with mental health problems if your daughter wants your help you need to help her. She is more important than anything else.

Good luck x

I would go get her.i am thinking of doing the same for my daughter whos mental health is bad and shes at her home alone with her severely autistic daughter and shes finding things a struggle.

its difficult you want to keep her safe but where she is you know she is safe. would she be able to cope with a sudden change back home and would you all of you at this difficult times where restrictions are in place and more are coming?

can you ring her?

You must protect your family if you went out now to a journey even to the city you could be vulnerable to catching this horrible thing, and bring it back with you.

write her letters and ring her if you can. but you must stay safe for ALL of you. I understand how hard it is for you but she is in a special unit isnt she? they will keep them safe, and the young are not so vulnerable yet to this disease but you and your wife are. make no mistake this is not about the over 70 now it is any age, my friend her sons best friend is in a selective coma to try and get his lungs to heal he is only 34 super fit a marathon runner, but believe me this virus doesnt care. its down to viral overload. he went out with his partner to pub JUST before lockdown that is all they can think where he got it from.

so no i dont think you should rush off to get her, it would not help her in anyway and will just confuse her, and open you all to more chance of bringing it back.


Gloves, jaydee and Crazy Chick (change your name, you don’t sound ‘crazy’ to me!), thank you for your responses, although I feel for helping out all of you now!!

Hi, I also think it would be best to leave your daughter where she is.

Keep ringing…skype them…you know it makes sense.

Lovely dad you are.


Thank you Bouds, I needed that! I know I am a very outspoken person, so I can expect people commenting in a negative way at times, especially in my ‘country of origin’…

Relations have changed dramatically since my father in Holland got a new partner (…-I have deleted all the swearing myself beforehand-…), a few years after my mum passed away…

The main issue hereby is the fact that my disabled daughter, now 22 years of age and living ‘in care’, has been totally ignored all these years, not to mention my wife and son!!, and if I feel justified about something, then ‘an opening’ will be hard to find! This is especially the case as it seems that ‘a block of gossip and lies’ has been created on the other side!, which makes me feel helpless and, I have to admit, extremely angry!! (the ‘mood tablets’ are not strong enough then…).

Still, I do have a wonderful family here in the UK, for which I am very grateful, as I know that not all MSers on this site can say the same unfortunately.

Therefore, thank you for your (very) kind words. I also had a lovely reaction from a lady with MS in Holland, this in contrary with the response of the moderators over there, who made ‘an elephant of a fly’…(?)…, well you know what I mean…

Talking about more important things…, I haven’t seen my daughter today, as I/we am/are not allowed to visit, and calling her every day will most likely upset her… Thank God most of her carers who I know of, are lovely and caring (…), although my worry is that it must be difficult to keep my daughter at a distance!, fond of hugging she is! Tomorrow is another day I suppose, although the ‘coronavirus situation’ at the moment looks very grim… Look after yourself Bouds!, ‘groetjes’ Jos.

I know it is a very tough call but agree with Bouds etc. You would never forgive yourself if you inadvertently carried this plague back to your wife and son and as said the change of routine could easily upset your daughter. Having worked with young people with mental health problems I can only say that I never came across any carer or nurse who didn’t care deeply from the heart and genuinely do there absolutele best with the people in their care. Ell

‘Elljay’, you sound like my wife which means that you must be a very wise person. My daughter has some wonderful (permanent) carers at the moment, however, I am worried about THEIR wellbeing too! Also, I have myself been working as a carer for quite a few years, so you too might remember the disapproval by clients -if working in the community that is- of them suddenly being confronted with a total stranger in the morning (in case someone has called in sick for example).


Unfortunately, my daughter cannot put into words (when calling ‘the house’ as we are not allowed to visit at the moment as you know), when phoning, how the situation in the premises is etc., which is worrying me, as I have been confronted with some awful situations in the past! (when suddenly ‘appearing’…).

I suppose the present circumstances are exceptional and no one has got a script (just yet?..)

Thank you both for your supportive responses.

Jos (the-one-from-glos…)

H, I`ve had some occasions when un scheduled new carers drop in…I didnt use to cope with that, but do now…not had any problems with it happening.

But I can easily why some people do.


BTW new carers are supposed to be supervised…but even that hasnt always worked out when there is a staff shortage.


…sorry, a piece of ‘text’ walked off (or was it my eyes…), back in place now…

Yes, Bouds, there’s a lot ‘written down’ in those instruction maps for carers, although it is forbidden to refer to '‘use common sense’, as I found out when mentioning this to ‘instructors’ during those unnecessary long ‘instruction classes’ for carers… (whereby they assume that your brains have never developed throughout the years…). Also, next to ‘common sense’ I also used to say that it would be beneficial for the client if ‘the carer’ has got ‘a natural passion/ability’ for ‘caring’…, guess what, this was not mentioned in the instructions either…

I know, I know, it is necessary to have guidelines we can refer to, also very useful when the care company (and aren’t there many of them…) can put all of the blame on the carer in case of a (serious) problem…

Supervision? What supervision?! That’s double the expenses to the company!, and when the client is mentally limited, a complaint won’t be made UNLESS a dad like me catches ‘a (wrong) carer’ on the (wrong!) act, as I have done several times in the past (unannounced appearances by myself, which made ‘them’ move my daughter to a different place twice, where she still is at the moment, ‘the best one’ so far I can think of by the way.

Anyway, there’s an horrendous virus going around I have heard (…), so you all take care!.., where’s my pills?..