Worried I will have to give up work


My wife found out she has Relapsing Remitting MS about 2 or 3 years ago after having tonnes of other diagnosis ranging from migraine to fatigue.

This hit her hard as she was only 26 at the time and we have 3 kids (now 9, 6 and 2).

She is really struggling at the moment and i think I may have to leave my job to stay at home to help. Now im on really good money and im good at what I do and i actually enjoy it

I only work 14 shifts a month ( 7 nights and 7 days) but with teh 9 year old having ADHD and being the size of a teenager , the 6 year old showing signs of having some issues and the youngest being a typical 2 year old into everything she sis finding it hard.

My question is have any of you /your partners gave up good paying jobs to stay home to help and managed financially on benefits?

I know moneys isnt the most important thing in life but without it i couldnt give my wife and children the things they need/want?

I would keep working and get some help in. Someone to do the housework etc.,.

and a nanny.


i agree with PJday

​get some help in.

family and friends may offer help.

take them up on it.

a cleaner costs £10 per hour where i live (Bolton)

so £20 should cover it for you.

see what’s available from your local council too.

a nanny is a good idea.

maybe a local college would like to give students some practical experience.

14 shifts a month leaves 14 day free so keep your well paid, enjoyable job.

carole x

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I have MS and my partner has Dementia. She needs full time care so I gave up work (Carpenter/ good money) and we now live on benefits.

It`s hard but we get by if we are very careful. There is no money left over for any treats

I don`t qualify for carers allowance but we can have a carer who gets paid. What a system.

Your`e fxxxxx without money to live rather than exist.

Wish I could find the answer.

So think carefully before giving up work.

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Yep, I agree with the other replies. Dont give up a well paid job you like.

Get help in.

Does your wife need personal help too?

If so why not get an assessment from the social services?

You will probably have to contribute or pay for all the help.

But they are so thorough with their assessments,

I have this help via Direct Payments,

Becoming your wife`s full time carer 24/7 can take a toll on your relationship.

I speak from personal experience on this one and believe me, it aint a good idea!



There are few tough family situations that cannot be made harder to bear by having no money. And no prospect of having any either - and for how long? For years? For ever?

If you stopped earning, would that wave a magic wand and solve all your family’s troubles? Sadly not. From what you have said, most of the challenges you face as a family would be there just the same, only now you would all be poor as well.

You clearly are a person who works hard to get a good balance between spending as much time as he can with the family while keeping the household afloat materially. It sounds as though you manage that amazingly well right now. Please don’t lose that important sense of balance if you can help it.



I agree with the other posters that if you need extra help, then try for external assistance that you pay for rather than leave a job you enjoy.

If your wife is having real health problems, then maybe she could apply for Personal Independence Payment (PIP), to help out financially, that money could then be used for help around the house, whether it’s for help with her care or for cleaning help. Have a look at Personal Independence Payment - Citizens Advice for more information.

Life on benefits alone is tough, there is no way round it. I’m suggesting she applies for PIP, but you will find it quite challenging to qualify. And if you as a family are trying to survive on benefits, you might discover that it’s really quite hard to manage.

In addiiton, you are probably quite young yourself so to give up the job you enjoy at this stage in your life would be difficult. And as you say you earn quite well, it would perhaps be a better investment to pay for more help in order for you to continue working.

What does your wife think about the idea that you should give up your career?



Your wife can do the PIP self-test here:

If you think you may qualify for PIP, it is important to get help completing the forms (54 pages)

and send NHS letters like: GP letter of support and MS Nurse Care Plan, OT, physio, NHS Wheelchair Services

report documents and signed letters from carers - either paid or unpaid - on how they help your wife with daily living, washing,

dressing, shopping, driving etc.,. etc.,.

Best wishes


Quick note on applying for PIP - photocopy EVERYTHING you send to them, including the oh-so-long application.

They managed to lose mine after it had taken weeks to complete.



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