So sorry but I’m feeling a bit ‘odd’ today! Well - more ‘odd’ than usual!
I started back to work last Monday - I had a phased return meeting first thing – I shook like a leaf - stuttered & slurred - lost my train of thought constantly - I said the most stupid things - I tripped - I pushed the wrong button in the lift 3 times - I basically felt like an utter fool - even though they couldn’t have been nicer or more supportive! I just couldn’t wait to get out of there and come home.
I then worked from home all week and tried again on Friday - it was horrible!! I don’t know exactly why or what was wrong - but I felt like a scared rabbit! I felt like everyone was looking at me and talking behind my back - I was nervous and anxious and feeling like the biggest failure on earth! Again I just couldn’t wait to get out of there - run away!!
This week I’ve worked from home because on Monday I had more MRI’s - yesterday down the hospital again to see the endocrinologist - this morning I have a blood test andwas intending to go into the office afterwards - but I just can’t bring myself to face it !!
Physically I’m a lot better than I was - most of my symptoms have eased now apart from the fatigue heat intolerance and that ‘generally feeling unwell’ feeling!
I just can’t cope with my mental state - I’m sitting here with tears pouring down my face - feeling like I’ll never be able to function properly ever again - I just feel such a failure!!
I’m trying so hard to keep positive but failing
I feel like I’ve had a nervous breakdown as well as everything else - I just don’t know what to do to help myself!!