Forum

Wife thinks I'm ignoring her

I am aware I am a man. I am aware that all men “Ignore” their wives.

I was diagnosed with RR MS an aggressive form of Janaury 2011.

I have bad memory or so I’m told always have. Excuse the pun but I can’t remember that’s true or not.

My wife often say’s I clearly don’t listen and I believe I didn’t hear her say whatever particular thing it mught be.

Could it be me? I believe it is but is this normal, was I always like this or could it be my MS.

I took the diagnosis like a trooper which was a massive shock to everyone but myself. They said to me “You have MS” and my response was “Ah ok then”. Fair enough I was on steroids but I have been fine it ever since. My mobility was awful for a year or so but Tysabri has done sonders for me. Untill I get tired from doing nothing at all. SO AM I IGNORING MY WIFE / NOT LISTENING OR COMPLETLY FORGETTING.

Tricky one to respond to as I’m aware that we’re all different. Your views and experiences will be much appreciated.

Thank you,

Dave

Hi Dave,

Issues with memory and concentration are not uncommon with MS. Obviously, I can’t tell you for sure that’s what it is, but it seems a bit more likely than that you’re purposely ignoring your wife. If you think you’ve always been like it, but it’s not been a sore point until recently, it could be that you’re not quite the same. But 2011 is still only a relatively recent diagnosis. Might you just be distracted, because you’ve had such a lot on your mind? Aggressive diagnosis, starting Tysabri, and all that?

I suppose your wife is the person best placed to notice, as she (presumably) spends most time with you, but is there anyone else you could ask, who would give you an honest answer about whether they think your concentration or recall has changed? Have you considered raising it with your neuro or MS nurse, that things have been mentioned at home, and you’re concerned there might be cognitive issues? There are ways this can be assessed, and although I don’t think there will be a pill you can take that fixes it, they might be able to teach you some compensatory techniques.

Tina

HI, I just want to say that I hope that you speek with your wife aboute this, how you feel, and not in the heat of the moment when she “accuses” you of forgeting, but another time, a good moment, a moment when you both can talk and let your hearts out(even if it means that you have to create this moment)=)

Becorse I have like the same thing with my boyfriend, my side efect though is not that I dont remeber but that when I feel bad and cant do everything my self, I rader get mad and my boyfriend have had his share, now it´s so that he have learnd how it is and just swipes it of, and he knows that if he lets me cool down, so will I have a bad conscience and appologasie just a moment later.

And I don´t think that you shuld appologasie corse it´s not your folt that you forget, but make sure that she is aware and maby put in an extra effort at other stuffs like romance, give her flowers, if you have the strenght and money, go away for a weekend, just do stuffs, be like teans, makeout in the middel of the street, just so that she still feels that you are there and that it is the two of you, together, becorse it is. A longterm desiace does unfortunly not just affect the carrier but also the peopel around us, and It is ofthen so that the peopel that are close, feels like it isnt there right to complaine aboute stuff, and this is a burden, they have to feel like they have the right to grieve to, otherwise they cant continue there part of the jurney towards the future with MS. Thats why I think it´s so importent to share your thoughts and feelings with eatchother, and make shore that both parts knows that it´s ok to be mad and upsat at MS, and life or whatever, becorse it´s from that that you can move on…

PS:And I know, many peopel says that you shuldent have to do stuffs like the things that I mentioned, when its you who is the sick one, buth I have been on both sides, and from my oppinion you have to “compensate” for the things that is geting lost by our desiase, but it dosen´t have to bee mutch, its ofthen the litel things that counts=)

Hi Dave You have got some good replies already with several things you can look into. On a lighter note, which you may not appreciate but I’ll say it anyway. I am the one with ms not my husband but sometimes I speak to my husband and he shows no acknowledgement which leaves me wondering which one of three things have happened, did he not hear, did he not understand, or is he just ignoring me. Most of the time I put it down to him being a man. Cheryl:-)

Blimey Cheryl, That sounds just like my husband !!! I’ll speak to him and I might as well be speaking to the cat. On second thoughts…actually I get more response from my cat… : )

Sorry Dave, I didn’t mean to make light of your situ. x

Oh dear Dave

I know MS can make us overreact a bit at times. It can affect our emotions.

I know a lot of us wives accuse our other halves of not listening at times but that is just a wife thing.

Hope you can have a nice chat with your wife and that you manage to resolve the issue.

Shazzie xx

Cheryl - i was going to reply the same as you!

My husband has no medical conditions but suffers from all of the above!

Last night i was chatting away to my hubby about the kids and he was doing something on the computer.

I asked him a question about it and he had just switched off and was on another planet.

He said “how can i listen to you when i am already doing something else!”

I rest my case! - men cannot multitask!

Dave - i think this is a man thing! Try not to worry about it but do try to listen more. I feel as my husband gets older he is getting worse with this. He forgets things a lot also.

Dont forget though - we women do like to rattle on sometimes!! perhaps its not surprising our other halves switch off sometimes as men are just not ‘wired’ up that way and switch off so they don’t overload! lol!

Teresa.x

Teresa and Cheryl.

One tip is if the tv is on wait for the adverts he will listen then. Hehehehe!!

Shazzie xx

Shazzie - when the adverts are on he reaches for his i-phone or laptop!!

We have been married 19 years! i’m used to it now!

Teresa.x

Hi, I know my hubby is similar. He doesnt exactly ignore me, but he often doesnt hear me. He says I talk rubbish a lot of the time and I say if he doesnt listen properly, he will miss something really important.

That has been proved to be true, when there`s something that we both need to know or act on and he hasnt responded as he should.

He is what I call a Wesley…thats from Last of the Summer Wine. Thora Hirds character, Edie, its her husband. he is a potterer, in his garage/shed. My hubby is the same, always tinkering or building something. So I coined the phrase You are a Wesley!`

He often comes in the house and describes something he is doing, in detail, and it goes over my head, so I dont ignore him, but I dont hear him.

I think that`s what being married 41 years does!

pollx

Wow some excellent points made. I never want to use my MS as an excuse. I’ll try harder and yes we speak about these things. Honestly? I am kind considerate person/friend/husband. I’m also aware that my wife is in on this also. I was perfectly well before with iod job/car/money/prospects. She is suffering alongside me.

Cheers guys you have helped.

It takes me time to revisit my threads on this site.

I wonder whether there is a way to set it up so I get alerted of new posts on my threads but cannot seem to find out how.

Thank you