Thank you ssssue, your post was very informative and helpful. As I mentioned before, Iam aware that life can throw anything, I could also get a health surprise in the future so it really isn’t fare on her for me to feel like this, you don’t just leave over a health scare. For some reason, I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I was meant to meet her, life is strange like that. We are so happy to be together and literally can’t stay away from eachother. I may sound like an Insensitive a-hole, but I can’t help to be alarmed when I read about MS.
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Revine, I wrote loads and then deleated as all I want to say is that in reality your questions are irrelevant. You may want the answers to help your thinking or fears, but !
Only enter a long term relationship with someone you feel you can not live with out ! And as others have pointed out, most things about ms, like most things about life are unknown.
Good luck with finding a way to deal with this, be kind to yourself as well as your partner.
Hi again Revine, Im sure youre a lovely guy and your girl friend is lucky to have you.
Maybe you need to be straight with your parents, if they are trying to steer you away from her.
I know when I became disabled 20 ish years ago, my mum asked my sis if she thought my husband of 25 years, would look after me.
It`s natural for parents to worry f they think they kids are taking on a big responsibility.
My mum neednt have worried. We`ve celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary this year.
So good luck to you and your lass.
pollsx
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Renvate, I always tell people, we BOTH have ms, not just me. It affects us both. It might just be me with the mobility issues, but we are both muddling along, learning as we go. Both sometimes fearful of what’s in store for us as this ms progresses, both of us sad for what has gone never to be returned, both of us get tired and irritable, fed up with being unable to do and having to ask for help, fed up of being asked perhaps. However, it is what it is a can’t be changed. We’re glad we still have each other. The alternative isn’t worth thinking about.
Hi Renvate
Firstly I’m so sorry to hear about your Girlfriends MS
I was already with my husband when I was diagnosed with MS
We got together when we were in our 20’s
I Love my Husband with all my heart
If when I was 20 I knew I was going to have MS
I would have advised him to run for the hills also
I love him so much this is not the life I would have wanted him to have
I have 4 children (3 grown up now)
If one of my children was considering settling down with some one with MS
I’m with your parents ‘I would tell them to run for the hills’
I think a lot of people don’t ‘choose’ to have this life more it’s thrust upon them
I was with my Husband for 20yrs before I was diagnosed with MS
So things were different for us, as we had invested so much of our lives together already
and had 4 children
I know people get together when they have MS but hopefully they no where they stand and what they’re getting into
I Personally think you are very young to be considering taking such a big step
I’m sure if you and your girlfriend don’t stay together
she will meet someone else and has every possibility of having a very good life
Life is different with MS but still rewarding in many different ways
Please don’t stay with your girlfriend out of pity or for fear that she won’t find anyone else
Or because you feel guilty about leaving
( I think the thoughts/ fears your having are perfectly understandable and reasonable)
Plus you may have found that even if she didn’t have MS
there may well have been some other situation / personality trait that you had decided you just just couldn’t live with
Have you asked her how she feels
Having MS is a lot to deal with She probably thinks she couldn’t cope without you but I am sure she would
I really feel for you both and hope that whatever you decide things work out OK for you both
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Hi Renvate. Please believe me all of us in relationships have been there. I was diagnosed in 2000 and for 15 years wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong, Me and my partner have been together for 25 years. I’ve had a major downward spiral in the last three years and have constantly told my partner to run for the hills now, because my ms isn’t now going to get any better. I’m now wheelchair full time, have carers 3 times a day because he can’t deal with the personal stuff (and why should he), have no physical relationship BUT he’s still here! You can’t predict how things are going to go, ms is the most unpredictable disease but if like you say you love and want to be with her then the only thing you can do is be honest wth each other. Yes your relationship will evolve and change but it’s up to you both whether you hang in there! You will get all kinds of answers and advice on here and they’re a good crowd, but it’s only views and advice. Only you will know how and when to make your decision and your heart and head will guide you. Don’t be swayed by other people because like my partner says “where are they at 3 in the morning when you need something”. No-one knows how this is going to go, so what are your heart and head telling you now?
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Yep, I can vouch for that… my partner and I have been together for 20 years now, although we haven’t done the getting married thing; I’ve never felt the need (although he’s keener than I am to do it…) And when the diagnosis came, I told him that if he wanted to run away NOW, I wouldn’t blame him… but was quite relieved when he told me not to be so stupid and he was sticking around! I say it again every now and again, and get told the same thing…
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renvate
please take time for both your girlfriend and yourself to come to terms with her diagnosis.
it affects both partners in a relationship.
i’m the one with ms but i think it hurts my husband more han it hurts me.
i wish you both all the best.
i’m a soppy female and could see in your words that you love her.
let her know how much you love her.
even if you end up apart, it’s always good to know that you are loved.
love carole x
if you love her - stand by her … if you don’t - walk away, the same as you would with any other relationship
i play wheelchair basketball with some of the healthiest people i’ve ever met in my life, but due to various accidents they are now paralysed with spinal cord injuries, none of us know what’s around the corner, and what life changing events we might be afflicted with, right now your girlfriend will need all the support she can get, and you will need to be able to commit to her 100%, only you know if you can do this
if you’ve come onto an MS forum to get information and support , i would say you have already decided that you want to be with her and support her
Jemma
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