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what is my future and can I do this?

Hi all new to this forum.

My husband was tokd he had ms 5 years ago, and my life has completely changed, I cried for weeks for him and for the life we hsd planned.

Many things went through my mind but i kept saying what about me where do i fit in all of this? I still dont know. Can i look afted him when he is bad i dont know. He has pushed me away so much since then, I dont know how our relationship will survive. He doesnt show me any affection, I ask him why and he said it the Ms I am begining to think this is an excuse. He has relapse remitting.

Dont know what to do any more, feel so lonely

Aw Lizzie. This is a sad state of affairs. It is obvious how much you are hurting. I wonder if your hubby is hurting just as much, but cant find the words to tell you.

I have often wondered when it is the fella of a couple, who is the one struck down by something as chronic as MS, how much worse it must be. This is because traditionally, it is the male who is supposed to be the strong one, the providor, the protector. As all us girls know, we still love and cherish our men even though this awful thing has happened.

But I know in my case, if it had been my OH who had needed help the same way I have, to dress him and do all the personal care needed, he wouldnt have taken it half as easily. Infact he really shocked me one day, when he was wiping my bum, If I ever need this kind of help, lll top meself`. I was an still am hurt by his words.

When we set out on life`s great highway as adults together, we never envisaged that path taking such a terrifying turn like it has with MS or other cruel illnelsses, but we cling on to the hope that the person we chose as a long term partner, will be there for us whatever comes along and slaps us in the face.

But it seems that sometimes, some of us don`t expec that other person to shoulder our problems. They must want to protect us from the worst times and they shun us in doing so.

So Lizzie, if you can find a way to let your man know you are still in love with him, things will be ok

Maybe you can put it into a letter, eh?

luv Pollx

Hi Lizzie,

I am sorry to hear your situation.

As a fella, us men often retreat into our cave when recieved bad news.

We use MS as an excuse and blame everyone for it, until we actually accept it.

We are brought up to be the strong one and to be the giver.

We’re not programmed to be the reciever.

Just give him time to accept the MS,

I am sorry it can take various times for him to get his head around it ,and come out of his cave.

But hopefully when he does, he will see what a fool he has been

Andy

Hi Andy, only just seen your reply to Liz. I like your description of the mancave…my hubby`s is in his garage…very much his cave,

I wonder how Lizzie is now…?

Pollx

Hi Poll,

Just read your last post, I hope your fella is enjoying his cave still ??? (Garage)

I think when a fella accepts his MS situation, he is in a much better place to handle the day to day problems., MS throws up at you.

I was lucky on my DX, I was the person comforting my wife !!! (Very loud breathing from someone sitting next to me.)

Young men think their world has ended and life has stopped.

Middle age men either return to their youth, think they are invincible and would be better off alone or accept and get on with it.

Older men just get on with it.

But we all go into our MAN CAVE/ shed/garage/office. Even if its just to get our heads around MS.

Women have a knack, and can talk about things. Men are moody and keep things in, because its a man thing !!

I hope Lizzie’s fella has stuck his head out of his cave and they can be a couple again, lifes to short !!!

Regards, Andy

Bless you Andy, you seem to have got it right…some days, eh?

pollx