I had a big relapse in august where it manifested itself with diplopia and led to a long-awaited diagnosis.
Anyway, the vertigo hasn’t really gone away despite my eyes being pretty normal now.
I hadn’t realised quite how “disabled” I’d become until last weekend when I took the kids away to a different city to see my dad. He wasn’t able to hide his shock at how bad I was and I hadn’t realised outside the carefully-controlled environment of my own home/shopping locally.
I was reliant on a stick and felt ill the entire time.
I called in sick on Monday because I’m just not coping (wfh computer stuff) - locum GP pretty unsympathetic.
I’m feeling very sorry for myself and almost feel like I’m “faking” it in terms of work. I can’t believe how much my life has turned upside down in just a few months.
Seeing your 75 year old dad look shocked at your mobility and slowness is quite a knock to the confidence.
Sorry for the long moan, I’m just really struggling right now.
I really feel for you. I have had RRMS for 20+ years and STILL, when I think I’m doing OK, am regularly floored by something out of the blue reminding me painfully how far my capabilities have veered from those of my healthy peers.
And it’s tough to see shock on the faces of those who love us. I think it is because their love is from the heart that they are unable to mask their distress as they might manage to do with a mere acquaintance.
I am sorry that things are so tough for you.
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Thank you for your kindness and understanding.
Tbh I don’t know who was more shocked by my deterioration - me or my dad. Usually when I have a “long walk” these days, it’s hanging off the back of a Tesco trolley 
. So to discover I couldn’t walk very far/fast even with a stick - and cobblestones - who knew?
I’m scared of what the future holds in terms of my ability to work/keep the house clean/keep my driving licence, etc.
I used to ride and ski and now I’m the klutz pulling down rails of clothes in M&S.
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Yes, those are all very valid concerns. For what it’s worth, 22 years in and I’m still doing all those things except the working for a living bit, and my RRMS was highly active from the start. The neurologist, at the end of the diagnosis consultation said, ‘Don’t go home and widen the door yet.’ That was excellent advice. I haven’t had to widen the doors yet, but even if I had, his advice would have been good: the important thing for me is not to waste too much sweet life fearing the worst. We usually find ways of dealing with whatever comes along, or so I continue to hope.
p.s. Don’t forget you are probably still healing after that big relapse, so don’t assume that you’re not going to feel better/stronger/more stable than you do right now.