OK, my hospital appointment has rolled round again, and as usual, I’ve tried to book “comunity transport” (not hospital transport), which is a sort of council-subsidised local volunteer driver scheme.
As usual, it’s the day before my appointment, and I still don’t know whether I’m OK for transport or not, as they seem unable to confirm until the day before.
I just got a call from them, and was delighted to hear it was all OK, until the nice lady asked: “It IS only one way you wanted, isn’t it?”
“Er, no, of course not - I would like to come home from the hospital!”
“Oh. Hmmm. Do you know how long you’ll be?”
“Well, not really. It has sometimes been as little as two minutes, but I can’t guarantee it, as it depends whether they are running to time, and whether or not he wants to do a full neurological examination, which would take longer.”
“OK, well I don’t know whether we can do that. I’ll have to check the book and call you back.”
So now I’m teetering on the brink again, not knowing whether I have transport. I’m absolutely positive I told them I want to go both ways. I was even told to call when I come out, and am ready for pick-up. I know it’s silly, but I get in a terrible state already about these hospital appointments, and am popping the valium. I’m sometimes tempted just to cancel them altogether, because nothing positive ever comes of them - I know they’re not going to reveal some breakthrough that will help me. It doesn’t seem worth getting in this state, and all the consequent effects on my health (I’ve actually been recorded as having a tremor I DON’T have, before, because I was literally shaking with nerves). I know it’s only once every several months, but I’m not sure it is in my best interests to keep putting myself through this stress, that usually sees no change to meds, and most symptoms dismissed as “Not MS”.
I’m in a complete state this morning, and the appointment’s not even today. I keep trying to think ahead 'til Wednesday, when it will hopefully all be over for another several months.