I made my girlfriend’s dreams come true and married her in a castle. You wouldn’t have thought it though from the miserable look on her face as we were bouncing around!
After having sex with Kylie Minogue yesterday I think there are 2 things you all need to know. She really is as sexy as hell, secondly the staff at Madame Tussauds are miserable ba**ards with no sense of humour!!
Took the other half to a Disco last night. There was a bloke on the dance floor giving it large breakdancing, backflips, moonwalking, the works. Other half says, “That guy proposed to me 20 years ago and I turned him down.” I replied, “Looks like he’s still celebrating.”
The Queens Royal Corgis are delighted to see Prince Phillip back at The Palace, as they will no longer be blamed for peeing on the sofa!
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse’s outfit, a French maid’s outfit, and a policewoman’s uniform he finally decided if she can’t hold down a job, she’s not for him.
Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says,
“I tink I will ave to go home: I’ve come all over giddy and feel sick.”
Murphy asks, " ‘Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies, “No, I only live round the corner.”
Hahahahaha!! Really funny Wb. Just what I needed.
Hope you are doing ok.
Shazzie x
do you ever sleep? or do you stay awake thinking up all this entertainment for us?
carole - a fan for life xxx
Just read these out to an oirish friend [Jameson- now thats a good name] - we have had a good laugh.
Paddy and Murphy were arrested for some misdemeanor. The arresting officer asks Paddy for his address. Paddy replied ‘No Comment’ - then Murphy was asked the same question - he replied ‘Oi live in the flat above him’.
Paddy and Murphy watched a lorry loaded with turf go by. Paddy said ‘Thats a good idea - send it away to be cut’.
l am also of oirish descent - Kennedy.
Well that lot took me back, bloody long time since I was in the school playground. Lol.
Dear Ms Kennedy (nee Spacejacket) the best jokes tend to be created by the people they’re about. I give you the marvellously named Jameson,Jacky Mason,most Scottish people on TV,Allen Konigsburg et many als.
I’m not too bad thanks Shazzie,or to be glib,“Still drawing breath and benefits.”
Dear pigpen,I don’t do much sleeping,and not much creating anymore.Plenty of the jokes I post are courtesy of Spacejacket,so credit and thanks where due.
SquiffyG,I’ve never got over the fact there was no Playtime in the afternoon at Big School
Wb
Good chuckle.
Particularly like the one about the bloke on the dance floor.
Ronin