Hi everyone, took Rachael to Glasgow today and put her on the train to visit her cousin. Hopefully he will be at the station at the other end to get her off train as she is loaded down with bags and her stick. She has decided that when walking for any distance and as I won’ be there to take her weight she needs her stick for balance and to lean on if she gets tired. She is really looking forward to her visit but apprehensive as she is very dependent on me and is scared that she will miss me too much and apparently I am the only one that can reassure her and make her feel better. So there was tears and a promise from me that if she really needs me I will drive up there to get her and bring her home. Fingers crossed she realises she can rely on herself and I am only a phone call away to calm her should she get herself in a state. Linda x
Hi, I have a daughter a similar age to Rachel and I really feel for you. I am glad that it is me who is unwell and I am sure that you would take the illness yourself from Rachel if you could.
You are a brilliant Mum.
Moyna xxx
Fingers crossed Linda - I’m sure she will be fine and even if she starts to panic your voice on the phone will be sure to calm her down. She is like her mum - a strong capable woman and you must be so proud that even with all these problems she is still able to want to do this herself.
You know have a few days off from the whole stiff upper lip thing so take this time to recharge your batteries. When Rachael gets back she will probably be very tired and will need you all the more so you need a little bit of me-time.
Take care hun - I hope you have a few stress-reduced days (you’re a mum, you don’t ever get stress-free)
Hugs
JBK xx
Hi Monya, I would take this illness in a minute. I cannot bear that it is her that is sick, it breaks my heart. A lot of the time she is very resilient and accepting, she has her moments but on the whole she seems to be accepting. Don’t know if its denial or just how she is but she sometimes makes me braver as she is being so brave. Linda x
I hope that the visit is a great success and that it boosts Rachael’s confidence and your confidence in her ability to cope with things on her own.
I also hope that things settle down at home generally. A person cannot fight on all fronts (or not for long, anyway, or with much hope of success), and there seem to be an awful lot of drains on your emotional resources at the moment. I hope that you all reach calmer waters soon.
Alison
Thanks Kelly and Alison, things should settle down at home soon (I hope) or more likely how I react to things. Rachael is my priority and everyone else will just have to deal with things in a different manner too and do it without me running after them (by this I mean fixing things for my older daughter, will finally have to let her deal with consequences of her actions). My husband is really trying to be supportive and I know he feels guilty about how he is feeling but I have to try and stop fixing things for him too as they are not only beyond my control they are beyond his too. Again it is down to changing how we react to things we have no control over. Linda x
Wow Linda!
I am surprised, but so hopeful that Rachel`s trip goes well. The 2 of you have become so intertwined in every day life, that i am so pleased you both found the strength to try time apart.
I can just imagine you, hovering by the phone, awaiting a mum, come and get me call.
I really hope that doesnt happen, because it will prove to you, that she can be away from you and for her, that she doesnt have to need you at close quarters, at all times.
How long is she away for and what is the distance?
She could be a lot stronger than you think, eh?
And what are you going to do to make the best use of some me time?
luv Pollx
Hi Poll, no one is more surprised than me that I let her go. Even while she was sitting on the train crying and I was standing outside looking at her I was saying “you want to come off”. Thankfully she said no. Just got text to say that is her arrived. She is about 3 hours away, we live in the West coast of Scotland and my nephew lives nearly in the East coast. She is away for a week. Unfortunately me time will be house, car and boiler time. My car has broken down, waiting on garage phoning me with the damage, our boiler started leaking at weekend and engineer was here this morning and has to order part so we have no heating or hot water and we ordered a new kitchen last week, not just a straight forward job. We are moving the kitchen from it’s current position to what is now the dining room and making what is the kichen a bedroom/study so builder comes on Thursday to start knocking down walls and re routing pipes. What a nice quiet week we will have. Linda x
good, you have plenty to focus on there!
pollx
Hi Linda
I was just wondering how Rachael got on going away. Hope she had nice time and that you were able to relax.
Shazzie xx
Hi Shazzie, she text me this morning asking me to go pick her up. She is sore, tired and just needs her own bed, so epic 7 hour round car journey to go get her and now home safe and sound and in bed. Not really had a chance to relax as builders were here and hoped to do so this weekend but hey ho. Linda x
Awww. She did well Linda. She has been away for a while hasn’t she? U must be pleased and it would have done her self confidence good.
You make sure you drive carefully.
Take care.
Shazzie xx
Hi Linda,
I haven’t chatted to you much but just feel compelled to say I think you really are an amazing woman and mother Linda, Rachael and your other daughter are very lucky to have you. Do please look after yourself too though, try and have a relaxing weekend 
Leora x
Sorry Linda. Just re read your reply. Silly me. I thought you were leaving now.
I am so glad you are both home safe and I hope she doesn’t suffer too much now she is home. You will sleep better tonight knowing she is safe and snuggled in her own bed.
Shazzie xx
Hi Linda, Considering not that long ago Rachael was staying most of her day in her room, I think being away for so long is fantastic. Well done her. Ok she will probably have to take it easy for a few days to recover but you both knew that anyway. Take it easy yourself, it’s a long drive & you must be tired (and probably glad to have her home so you can stop worrying ) Take care both of you. Big hugs JBK xx
Thanks Leora, I sometimes wonder about my mothering skills and whether I am doing the right thing by helping my eldest daughter so much, people are always telling me I am not doing her any favours by picking her up and dusting her off so often as she won’t learn. I agree somewhat with that but I find it so hard to sit back and watch her make mistakes and not jump in and “help”, even when she does not want it, appreciate it, or learn not to do it again. She is very frustrating. As for Rachael I am so scared of making the wrong decisions regarding her treatment I am frozen with fear and just not able to make a decision at all. This weekend I have plans to not move off the couch, wrap myself and Rachael in a blanket and watch movies. Shazzie, I will definately sleep better now she is back under my roof, I felt so lost without her being here. Even though I knew she was safe and sound where she was and was enjoying herself I am just happy when my chicks are back in the coop. Linda x
Hi JBK, I am knackered. It is not only a long drive but a scary one. It is along part of the most dangerous roads in Scotland for accidents and I can see why. Very fast and lot’s of cars joining from side roads or crossing over to other side. My bum was making buttons sometimes. Linda x
I know exactly how you feel Linda. I still have to bail my sons out from time to time. People say to me that I should let them make mistakes to learn but that is not how I work. If I see my sons struggling and hurting, especially if it is someone else who has caused them hurt then I am straight there to pick up the pieces and dust them off and let them know how much they are loved. I agree with you there is nothing better than snuggling on the sofa with a good dvd to make them feel secure and loved. They both mention how much they feel loved all of the time and I am sure Rachael and your other daughter feel exactly the same.
Both my sons rent their own homes and when they need a good chat because something is worrying them they turn up with a sleeping bag and a pillow and when I open the front door I hear the words “got a minute for a chat mum?” As if they have to ask eh? I would die for them as I am sure you would for yours.
Take care Linda
Shazzie xx
Well done both of you Hopefully this the start of more positive times. Rachael is going to need plenty of rest to recover but please don’t see the negative with this just think of the good times she has had. Enjoy your movies and enjoy the rest together.