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Question regarding suicide survival?

I ask myself this question, when I look at the scar, where I pushed a kitchen knife through my heart.

Only to see I am going to be tormented, for the rest of my days, by the people who have stolen my savings, job & future.

They seem to think, I’m here to give them a better life. Maybe they want me to become a Muslim or join the Conservative party. I’ll never figure that one out. I think I want to see them start the riots, where they loot & pillage the shops for new TV’s & film themselves sleeping in Ikea withdrawing from Crack.

Dark times, does not mean, it’s time for a Public Enemy concert. Or does it?

I’m watching cartoons, after a lovely Sunday meal & ready for a super nap.

My Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis is their excuse, for a party, I would never attend. Yo on a bart may! Yes, I am.

Monday, I will sit in the town centre & watch the shop lifters. Guessing what country they came from. It’s my new hobby.

Terry is People watching! Maybe I should of dreamed of becoming a superstar DJ, cruising in my low ride, with the volume rattling the windows. Laughing kit bags, with a case of cash at my feet. Fake as fluff.

Mmmmm. I ask the question why did I drive to a local beauty spot & connect the hose pipe to my beloved car, when I thought my family & friends had deserted me. Actually, they didn’t. If their quick reaction to my cryptic clue had not taken place, I would not be typing now. SO, no, Terry you are not the only 1 that has thought a life of MS is unbearable. There is a very fine line between love & hate, you need to find it. Not everyone is how they appear to be, we have no idea about their lives or what has/will happen, but we have control over our own, albeit with MS. It is not a badge to wear, it is how we are. Life’s too short, leave them to theirs, you live your own.

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Cheers & I agree. I’m just having trouble. Living in an area of drug addicts, actavists & hooligans. Pushing their problems in my direction, when I have no interest. It’s always money related & they know I’m not clueless. I’m over the 11k stolen, but they want more. They have alloy wheels to buy & festivals to go. I’ll get on with my plans & use it, before I lose it. The plan to get me in a care home, is NOT going to happen! I’ve seen barbed wire & CCTV before. Why some folks are jealous of disability I’ll never understand. Money is not the cure. Life style is. And I’ve got bucket loads of STYLE!

Terry is there anyway you could move away from these people? There are good people in the world as well mind. I just think if I was so unhappy where I live, i would do my utmost to change the situation, assuming this is a possibility, of course.

ai wish you well.

Pam x

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I’ve moved once & lost everything. Moving with health problems, is not easy. How & why they persist, I do not know. I keep to myself & have cut myself off from everyone. It all started when I was diagnosed & the GP retired, after years of medication for his version of why I couldn’t get up. It seems to be a race thing. Trying to force me to go to court & sue for melpractice. I’ll never work the idiots out.

HI Terry, some of your posts show you as a calm, understanding and tolerant person.

Then there are posts like this one…you are still terribly affected by those hwo have hurt you.

I once asked you about moving…you said it wasnt possible.

You say you have cut yourself off from those who have wronged you.

Why then are you still so troubled by them?

Or are you just having a very difficult day MS wise, hun?

pollsx

Sorry Polls, this disability is kicking my ass some days & folks are so frustrating around me. Picture the reality of the Shameless TV series. See & understand what these twisted locals are like. Then you will understand. I thought the PPMS diagnosis was enough to deal with. I was wrong! Some days I can’t do anything & the locals see me struggle. I’m still able to do more than them & it must frustrate. How does a person, just keep going & why? They’ve stolen so much & they know, I know. I just can’t do anything about it. The whole system is screwed & I’m made to feel guilty I don’t help others. That’s where the joke is. The blind, leading the headless chickens. Since driving it’s 10x worse. Crazed loonatics with no clue. Their highs in life, from a bag of glue. Yet more rhyming, whilst climbing. Trying to get free. Whilst the egotistical loonatics try to get me to university. They know, I know, what they will never know. And if they did, we would all be happy.

dunno what to say chuck!

pollsx

ps keep yourself to yourself and tell `em nowt!

Oh dear Terry, you still seem unable to let go of the past hurt and loss you’ve had.

It’s disturbing that you seem to assume the worst in everyone, and this cannot be helpful to you in finding some peace of mind. Surely not everyone you know wants to suffer from PPMS, not everyone is a thief or hooligan. Why would anyone be frustrated that you are able to do more than others? It doesn’t make sense Terry.

You’ve said many times that ‘thieves’ have stolen everything from you, so surely you got the police involved and your insurance company to recompense your losses.

Many of us have dark thoughts Terry, and thankfully we get through those bad patches. I’m concerned about your train of thoughts, can you contact your MS nurse to talk through your concerns? There is lots of help and support available to you Terry, especially the MS Society Helpline could be your first place to phone.

I wish you well and hope you get the help and support you need.

Chrissie x

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