I’ve been in the wheelchair for over 3 months. I can walk a few steps but the walking is very slow and laboured.
Once thing I’ve noticed about being in the chair is how impersonal it is. I’m missing the spontaneity of say, walking in to the kitchen and cuddling my wife, of hugging the kids, embracing friends. Yes, you can do those things but it’s less natural and can seem somewhat forced when you’re in a chair.
another thing I’ve noticed is that it’s difficult to participate in a conversation with a group of friends as they’re all at a different heights.
Yes. All of those things (apart from the children thing as I have none and in any case, they tend to be full of germs!). I don’t get much in the way of being cuddled. Although my OH does have a tendency to rub my hair or my shoulder as he walks past me. Which is quite nice, not as good as a cuddle, but better than nothing.
Having a conversation with a group of standing people is difficult, unless you happen to have some very short friends! That’s why I don’t go to parties (nothing to do with not being invited!).
However, you do get used to these things. When friends arrive, they do always hug me and I’m so used now, after four years, to being sat down to be hugged that it’s normal. Recently a friend had a very bad day, her mother had been diagnosed with bowel cancer. She burst into tears and my normal reaction would always have been to wrap her up in my arms. I ended up saying “come here, you can sit on my lap” so I could give her the cuddle she so badly needed.
So, you work things out over time. And of course time is what we’re quite rich in!!
Hi Derek, I do find its a bit hard to be part of a conversation if in a group. Also, if out and being pushed, the ‘pusher’ is usually the person addressed, grr! Dawn
Yes it’s really hard being talked down too and as for being pushed around I feel like a baby must do in a pram , people just don’t notice you and you end up saying watch yourself to people all the time .
i used to get upset and angry as the others have described but…
ages ago when the carer was pushing me in my manual chair, someone was talking to her over my head and she replied, ask her, shes got the money-not me! i dunno how that sounds to others reading this but for me it was it was the perfect honest thing to say because the person did have the good grace to realise what they had said/done and looked embarrassed. but it made me feel better and confident.
nowadays a wee (gentle) nudge on their leg reminds folk that i am down here!
its early days for you. you will find ur way of coping/dealing with eejits!
I’ve actually been agreeably surprised that talking to my OH pushing my chair rather than me only happens fairly rarely. I think the message is getting through to people that when speaking to an adult in a wheelchair, addressing them rather than their carer is more appropriate.
When he is addressed and I answer, I find that the attention of the speaker quickly swaps to me as they realise their mistake.
I’m only an occasional wheelchair user but I very much identify with Derek’s comments regarding socialising and height.
I use the chair when attending my company’s annual conference. The coffee breaks are a very social part of the day where everyone mingles. It can be very frustrating when you join a group but are pretty much ignored as they forget you’re there as you’re not in their eyeline.
Absolutely. Strangely though, I’ve just asked him (the OH in question) what he thinks. He reckons it happens more often than I do. I suspect he’s taking offence on my behalf more frequently than me! He’s a very sweet man who seems to notice things more often than he says.
I haven’t been in the chair that long and when we’re out, my wife doesn’t push the chair often as I self propel, so I haven’t really notice folk ignoring my and talking to my wife instead.