My mum physically and mentally abuses me and has done from being about 11 years old (now 45) it happens every year and has happened all my married life too (27 yrs) tonight agin, raised her fist to hit me in the face, but stopped herself and in frustration because Dad was sitting next to me, he shouted at her and she punched him and knocked him to the floor instead, then walked out there home. my husband who is my primary carer had dropped me there, for dad to look after as he had a bad fall off some ladders and needed to go to A/E, to cut a long story short i fell in her kitchen due to my spms, she then did nothing but laugh, told me im defective and putting my ms on, my husband and 75 yr father were trying to pick me up and she just laughed a horrid laugh. My dad helped hubby get me to the car and my father admited he has been beaten all his married life (55yrs} and she has alway bean apable of flipping (dads wording). I feel so low, i cannot escape my own nightmares, my mind is tortured about all this and the cog fog wont let me switch off, i feel unloved, and i need to put my own health first and feel i know longer want to see her as im vulnerable and she is a liability, so why do i feel so low, like grief. the sad part is my dad said he had never heard her apologise to anyone in those 55 yrs, so my hope of resolution with her is unlikey, she controls my dad and wont let him come over to see me, im broken would welcome your thoughts/help. I have asked my brother who is 50 and healthy to look out for dad as i cant any longer for my own health and sanity be around her anymore. We have never been offered any sort of practical help, from them once an spend xmas alone again for the 25th time in 27 yrs. 
pls help ) and thank you for reading this x
First priority is to keep you safe. You must not let yourself be put in an unsafe environment again. This situation is way outside anything in my experience and I really feel for you, but have no practical thoughts to offer except to say how sorry I am. This is all just so wrong. Alison x
I understand why you are anonymous but as a result the advice you can be given is fairly generic. You have access to a computer so I presume you are capable of using a phone too.
We can talk to you and be friendly but what we cannot do is get you out of the situation you are in. You have to do this, you’ve made the first step by admitting this to strangers on here. The next step is to phone social services in your area, explain your situation, the concern you have for you and your fathers wellfare. If the danger is urgent then you contact emergency services and raise the alarm that way. (999)
If you go to google and type “social services” you should be able to get your nearest contact office address and phone number on the first page. Phone them, tell them you need to speak to someone about vulnerable adult abuse, make sure it’s a phone call, email is no guarantee of being acknowledged or actioned upon.
The key here is to keep talking, you’ve done the hard thing by admitting it, now you need to tell the right people who have the power to help you.
It seems you are in a very difficult and painful situation, but you have the ability to get help if you speak to social services. Don’t cover details up, be frank and honest, the people that will talk to you have heard of similar situations and will give you far better help than we can here. More importantly they will take action, to protect you/your father from the abuse you are getting.
It takes courage to ask for help, you have the power to change the situation you and your father are in for the better. Continue being brave, remember why you are doing it and keep going.
Does your husband know?
Also
Just found this. http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/ Perhaps that number may also be helpful, still contact social services though. I’m sure they could give you the number for your area if you speak to them.
Take Care Babe
xx
Dear Ann-on,a truly awful situation,which I know all too well through bitter personal experience.The following occurs to me
You father cannot do anything to help himself
The medical profession will do nothing to assist until she asks for help about her psychiatric problems.
Social Services might make encouraging noises,but they know that ultimately the two statements above apply
You have to cut all contact with her, as being in her prescence is hugely stressful for you,and once they’re alone she will take out all her frustrations about you on him
Four years ago I managed to get my Dad out of my mother’s clutches for two months.PM me if you want to know how.
I wish I could be of more help,but you must cut her loose to protect yourself.
Best wishes,
Stephen xx
Hi,
Thank you all for your advice and replies, to clarify a few points, my husband does of course know, and social services are involved in as such they know but as stephen stated, if it makes that much of a difference to the replies this time i have not ticked ANN i did it beacuse im embarresed by the whole sitiuation and VERY fragile emotionally.
''You father cannot do anything to help himself
The medical profession will do nothing to assist until she asks for help about her psychiatric problems.
Social Services might make encouraging noises,but they know that ultimately the two statements above apply’’
I did manage to sleep as i was compleley and mentally exhausted last night, tbh i have not been up long at all. I am a little better emotionally the MS is a different story. I have spoke with both brother my dad got it good and proper verbally and decided to walk away from her ranting last night, so is ok. My brother who this morning phoned said the problem is she is jealous of the attention my MS get me, ie home carers, an adapted bungalow etc etc, it is all a very warped way of thinking. Spoke to dad he is ok, but obviously lives his days emotionally victimised, would love to get him away from her stephen so will message you later its somthing brother can try, i simpily am to poorly and fragile to do it. My hubby has been a very great support , but sometimes i need to speak to someone else and i dont want to overburden him as he has enough being my primary carer. I have decided i am going to cut all ties with the woman (can even bear to call her mum) i have to look after me and accept that is the safest option. she would never consent to psychiatric treatment so self help is not going to happen, Dad says he can cope and not to worry, he just seems to accept thats his lot. I feel like i have had a berevement, i did phone the helpline on here, bless her the lady listened and confirmed its abuse, and i dont have to put up with this, keep myself safe etc. Im so very sad. x
Sorry the red wording is highlighted to show those this have already been accepted and done, getting used to posting so please bear with me. 
Your brother will be right,and I don’t find it at all strange.Only people who are living through similar circumstances will have any meaningful understanding.Message me when you are ready and it is good that your brother is willing to help.You’ll just have to hang in there,but you’ve done the hardest part by asking for help.
Steve xx
I too am going through something similar to your dad and yourself and trying to get help through social services. To date nothing has happened!
My heart goes out to you. Nobody deserves to be rediculed, hit or beaten by this brute, for that is what your mother is. Shes obviously got some mental issues which need addressing and you all deserve some peace away from her whilst she gets treatment.
The next thing which could be done is alert the police, although you may not wish to. They have a vulnerable register and can keep records of what happens and should she overstep - then can be arrested for gbh.
x
your brother was wrong to suggest that your mother’s problem was due to your m.s. That is like blaming you for her behaviour. I had a bullying mother - they wear you down so that you have little resolve/strength not to be ground down by them
I had very little support as people take the view that mothers are always supportive and do what they can for their children. However my husband supported me and very slowly, day by day I distanced myself from her. I said to myself each night that i wouldn’t be contacting her the next day. Oddly enough she contacted me looking for trouble and I simply put the phone down when she phoned.
Now she is in an old people’s home - I don’t visit.
I would distance myself from your brother - she’s obviously brainwashed him so that he can’t see the wood for the trees. I would let your father know that if he wants help to move you’ll support him. Then get your support from your husband. And slowly, a day at a time distance yourself from this old woman.
I am so very sorry to hear of your on going problems, but you must look after yourself. Frostpaw and Steve have given you good advice which I certainly can’t improve on. Take care of yourself as you are vunerable. Sending (((((HUGS)))) and hope things get sorted for you very soon.
Janet
x
Thank you all all, it has got me through today knowing i can carry on, after cutting loose which i have to do, i deserve better, she doesnt deserve me, and my ms wont take the stress of it. I do agree about brother and what he said ANN poster. I have to go to sleep im so exhausted and i have to switch off, xx
Hi Twiglet,
I’m SO sorry to read of your distress. My heart goes out to you and your whole family because EVERYONE is hurting.
Please ask your MS Nurse for counselling. Your hubby and dad can go with you if you want, and it really helps with emotional pain. Plus it helps everyone think more clearly.
You’ve taken the biggest step by speaking of your mums cruel streak when she flips, now let the counsellor take the strain off you and your family. The counsellor understands MS but she also understands families, everyday life and it’s demands. I sometimes see her alone and other times I’ve taken a member of family.
You’ll find more strength from others on here, every small step is a step away from the abuse. Please speak to a counsellor via this MS Society, you will feel a weight leave your shoulders and you’ll begin YOUR life.
Lots of (((((((HUGS))))) to you
Hi Twiglet, oh my love! i`ve missed coming on here for a few days, so have only just read your post/replies.
I am so glad to see that you have already made the tough decision not to see your mother again.
Yes, you will feel like its a bereavement..........because youvelost the mum you should`ve had.
i wish your poor dad could get away from her too.
Look after yourself. I`m so happy that you have a good husband.
Bless you both.
luv Pollx
My Mum was abused as a cold and has suffered from depression most of her life as a result. We know she was bullied and beaten and we think there was some sexual abuse as well. She takes everything out on me and my brother because it makes her feel good to be the abuser than the abused. She has mentally abused me all my life and is well known for being moody, nasty, manipulative and deceitful. She goes out of her way to create situations which make her appear the victim and takes offence at the slightest thing. My Dad died in 1998 after which me and my brother were exposed to the full force of her behaviour. I was diagnosed with MS in 2007 after which my Mum saw me as an easy target and picked on me even more. I broke contact with her in 2008 and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I feel guilty about not being there as she gets older, but she is very hostile towards me and keeps me at arms length. She just wants to be left on her own and makes herself as unpleasant as possible to be with so that people keep away. She’s got what she wants and I don’t have the stress of trying to be the daughter she doesn’t want.
That should read “child” not “cold”. My iPad tends to change words it thinks you’re spelling wrong.
Hi, I am so sorry to hear of your much troubled childhood and believe your mother is best left alone and she can argue with herself all she likes.
Good for you for finding the strength to escape her clutches.
It is sad that she also suffered, but she should`ve got help and not taken it out on you.
luv Pollx
luv Pollx