partner exhausted pain in lower back and top shoulder


I wrote on here a few days ago about possible MS for my partner.

Things seem to be getting worse for him.

He started back to work last week after a month off,and he is exhausted,he hardly done anything this weekend but sleep.He has still no feeling in his right hand,and since Sat he has seemed worringly pale, he says there is a pain in a lower spot of his back which hurts even if you lightly touch it,and also his right shoulder is now hurting. We are still waiting for his 2nd MRI which is next weds,but then we have to ring his consultants secertary when he has the MRI done to book an apt,which is going to be another 3to6weeks no doubt.

My partners work are very understanding, ghe works in a factory and have put him on light duties,but they cant decide what to do till we have the offical diagnosis. Im just so worried about him,it breaks my heart to see him suffering and in so much pain, Ijust do not know what to do.

I know he won’t admit the possibility of MS, so this is going to be a tricky one

I think he needs to go off sick and rest as much as possible. I also think he should be getting help with his pain - a neuropathic painkiller such as pregabalin, gabapentin or amitriptyline could make a very big difference to how he is coping.

Could you persuade him to go off sick until he’s seen the neurologist again?

Karen x


i think he is starting to accept it,i caught him crying in our bedroom on sat morning,he said he was reading someones story on aforum,and hesaid it sounded like his story…if only we knew about 6 yearsago.

i keep trying to persuade him,but he is very stubborn but he will not listen…i think i will see how he is today and keep nagging till i get my own way im pretty good at getting my own way!

i just wish i had a magic wand :frowning:

thanks for advice :slight_smile: glad i have somewhere i can talk to people who understand

adelle xx

Uh oh to the reading blogs… One of the scariest things about accepting MS is getting to understand what it might mean. There is a whole spectrum of severities of MS from almost non-existent through to terribly disabled. Guess which ones tend to be on the internet?!

People on forums are generally those who are very new to MS or those who aren’t working any more and are more affected. Forums really aren’t a good representation of life with MS.

If he’s beginning to believe it and explore the internet, please please please tell him to remember the variability of MS. We are all unique. Yes, there are always going to be similarities between us, but something happening to someone else (even if that person seems similar to us) does not mean that it will happen to us.

I avoid certain parts of this forum because they terrify me. Each time I venture on there I have to remind myself that I am not them; my MS is not the same; we are all different. And I’ve been around a long time and know quite a lot. Imagine how terrifying it would be for a newbie!

I hope you can persuade him to take some time off work. Living life split between work and bed is no life. Believe me - I’ve been there!

Karen x


i have only been on sick leave for the last 6 weeks as i was terrified of not working (and how i would pay the bills)

but knew at some stage i would have to. my partner has also been ill so was unable to work either.

i have had diagnosis of fibromyalgia, likely ms, ME/CFS and the " its all in your head " label.

every day i would come home from work i would just either just sit or go to bed, i had no quality of life and no time for my family., (fatigue being one of the worst symptoms) i was moody, snappy and just wanted to be left alone to rest. it doesnt matter how much sleep/rest i got, the fatigue just didnt go away and its still there to a degree although the winter is better for me. (the heat makes me feel much, much more fatigued.)

in the last 6 weeks i am a much nicer person to be around and just to know that if i want to have a lie down, i can, if i dont feel up to doing the housework, i dont have to. its an amazing weight off my shoulders but the decision to give in was very difficult as it was a job i loved and also a job where i could pretty much do as much or as little as i felt up to most of the time.

today ive just had a walk to town (ten minutes away) i could afford to chat to people, i could afford to walk through the castle grounds and feed the ducks/geese

(although one was pecking at my leg which led me to make a swift exit out of there)

what im trying to say is that the very little energy i had wasnt used up at work, it was me time and i think i deserve it.

i can relate to what you say about going pale though, i know it shows on my face like that when ive overdone it and people have asked me if im ok as ive gone pale.

so, i would definitely recommend taking time off, fatigue is awful and sometimes even holding a conversation is too much effort.

its taken me a long time to accept my limitations but now i am in a much better place physically and emotionally.

i still dont know how i will manage financially but thats a bridge i will have to cross when i get to it.

i hope you will get some answers for your partner and that he will get to the stage of accepting his limits and know that his body is trying to tell him something and that its usually best to listen and just rest as much as possible. i hope you find something to make the pain more managable as that will only interfere with sleep and make the fatigue even worse.

best wishes

mandy xx