Hi all, Apologies in advance for what could be a gloomy post. I’ve been doing really well and smiling lots but last night I just felt terrible and it’s carried on to this morning. In a nutshell, my dad took his own life two years ago on Boxing Day. Not expected at all and so have had two years of the ‘grief’ journey. This year had been better but my symptoms started in April and my dx at the start do Dec could have come at a better time of the year. Add to this, there are going to be huge changes in my job and I had the rubbish news on Monday that I am being moved to the private sector. This isn’t what I opted for and so there are lots of unknowns about pay, working conditions etc I just feel like my brain could explode. It swimming with thoughts of my dad, MS and now work. The MS dx wasn’t expected and it’s scaring the life out of me. I’m dreading the DVLA taking my licence as don’t know how I would cope with getting to work etc, plus I use my car as part of my job. Everything just feels so massive and out of my control. I can’t help but feel that my life is going to change a lot and I am very much a creature of habit. Any coping tips would be great 
Lorna xx
Hello dear Lorna.
I am not at all surprised that you feel so down…all these things happening so close together, would bring down even the strongest of folk!
Lets try to look at each thing in turn.
Firstly, the terribly sad loss of your dad. Suicide is a very shocking way to learn how a close relative has ended their life. You must have mixed feelings of guilt, horror, and so many thoughts like why did he do it? and why didnt I spot he was troubled?
I lost my mum and dad in 2000…just 3 weeks apart. We all knew how ill mum was…she suffered with pain for 13 years, bless her. Then when dad was found dead at home, we were devastated again.
Dealing with the loss of a parent takes a massive toll on us. As kids we expect our parents will be there for us forever…its a hard lesson to learn, once we realise they wont be, eh?
Think of your dad in the best way possible, the good memories from your childhood…if you have siblings, talk about dad without mentioning his passing, if you can. it will get less painful, but it does take a long, long time hun.
Now to your dx…you are very newly diagnosed…thats another huge blow to your thinking. Have you got an ms nurse to talk to? What about meds for your symptoms? Anything helping? Give yourself plenty of time to let the dx sink in. Pace yourself in your activities. Accept help whenever it is offered. Try not to let your mind wander to the future.........life with ms is difficult, but it can still be a good life.........with the right kind of support, youll get through love.
And lastly, to your work problems. Do they know of your condition? They have a duty to accommodate your ms. Are you working full time? Have you thought about reducing down to part-time? Do you know you can work and claim PIP…the mobility part could help with transport costs.
Well, I`ve gone on long enough in an effort to help you hun.
Hope I have helped a bit.
luv Pollx
Hello Lorna
Excellent advice from Poll.
To lose a parent to suicide is a terrible thing and must have been a highly stressful and upsetting time for you and your family.
My father died in 1986 and my mum this November. I’ve thought about them both a lot this christmas.
Did you have any grief counselling Lorna, following your fathers death? You can still ask your gp to arrange some.
My way of coping with the ms, is to just try and take each day as it comes. Avoid stressful situations…being around lots of people and loud noises is something that seems to cause me a lot of stress now.
I like to have to do relaxing things like meditation, reading, reflexology, head massage…the list is long lol
Take care, xxx
((((((hugs))))))
Thanks both. I had support through cruse earlier this year. For the the most part I am doing well, it’s just because it’s the anniversary. Sometimes I still feel shock and disbelief. It was a horrid time as I was the next of kin so had to deal with the Police and inquest etc. In relation to the MS, I just need to stop reading real life stories. I guess it’s human nature to want to know what the long term impact will be but I know there is no answer. Lastly, I need to not stress about work. It’s out of my hands and so worrying isn’t going to achieve anything. I’m using meditation techniques and enjoyed a lovely walk with my dogs earlier. One day at a time eh! Thanks again, Lorna xx
Hiya
im sure you wont lose your license, lots of MS suffers drive. I have been diagnosed with MS in November, And im just in the process of dealing with the DVLA. My doctors said it wont be a problem.
As for your other problems, take one day at a time. Im very sorry about your dad.
Keep yourself going, and i know its hard as ive had a rubbish year aswell, but lets just push through it some how.
Sending you lots of support.
Take Care.