Hi all, Apologies in advance for what could be a gloomy post. I’ve been doing really well and smiling lots but last night I just felt terrible and it’s carried on to this morning. In a nutshell, my dad took his own life two years ago on Boxing Day. Not expected at all and so have had two years of the ‘grief’ journey. This year had been better but my symptoms started in April and my dx at the start do Dec could have come at a better time of the year. Add to this, there are going to be huge changes in my job and I had the rubbish news on Monday that I am being moved to the private sector. This isn’t what I opted for and so there are lots of unknowns about pay, working conditions etc I just feel like my brain could explode. It swimming with thoughts of my dad, MS and now work. The MS dx wasn’t expected and it’s scaring the life out of me. I’m dreading the DVLA taking my licence as don’t know how I would cope with getting to work etc, plus I use my car as part of my job. Everything just feels so massive and out of my control. I can’t help but feel that my life is going to change a lot and I am very much a creature of habit. Any coping tips would be great 
Lorna xx
Hi Lorna,
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, your dx and the stress of you job move. I don’t have any answers for you except to say that there is no certainty the DVLA will take away your licence. I was diagnosed in 2010 and also rely on my car for work but the DVLA have just restricted my licence to 3 years as my MS is fairly mild. Make sure you let your car insurers know you have MS too…they won’t do anything and it is illegal for them to charge you any more money, as far as I know, but you must inform them.
Change is inevitable Lorna, there is very little we can do to stop it but listen to your body, take care of it and don’t feel guilty about how you feel. I really hope you begin to feel better soon and can take comfort from those closest to you.
Mega hugs. xx
I’m sorry to hear of your troubles Lorna. Life can be so overwhelming at times especially when you have all the problems you do & your grief for your father. My sympathies & ((((((hugs )))))come your way.
My experience, like yours, has been overwhelming at times. Everything seems too much to deal with at once & you can feel that you are drowning under all your problems. I have many problems with my health besides the ‘probable MS’ I have been told I have & I can only deal with all the problems I have by trying to focus on just one thing at a time. It can be hard at times & takes some practise but trying to stay just in the day you’re in & dealing with what that day presents can sometimes help. I know I would be overwhelmed if I looked too much at my problems all in one go.
Try to do something that makes you happy each day even if it is just sitting watching a daft TV program that makes you smile. Try to eat well & get as much rest as you can. Be gentle with yourself & take each day one at a time. Your are not alone because we’re all out here in cyber land to talk to.
Susie xxxxx
I’m sorry to hear of your troubles Lorna. Life can be so overwhelming at times especially when you have all the problems you do & your grief for your father. My sympathies & ((((((hugs )))))come your way.
My experience, like yours, has been overwhelming at times. Everything seems too much to deal with at once & you can feel that you are drowning under all your problems. I have many problems with my health besides the ‘probable MS’ I have been told I have & I can only deal with all the problems I have by trying to focus on just one thing at a time. It can be hard at times & takes some practise but trying to stay just in the day you’re in & dealing with what that day presents can sometimes help. I know I would be overwhelmed if I looked too much at my problems all in one go.
Try to do something that makes you happy each day even if it is just sitting watching a daft TV program that makes you smile. Try to eat well & get as much rest as you can. Be gentle with yourself & take each day one at a time. Your are not alone because we’re all out here in cyber land to talk to.
Susie xxxxx
Hi Lorna
I’m not surprised you’re feeling rubbish, that’s a horrible anniversary to have and I can’t imagine how painful it must be. From my own experience of grief & pain, it doe get better - even if it doesn’t go away, you can grow bigger around it. Just a thought, but something I can find helpful sometimes is to ritualise things somehow. So I wonder if there’s some little ritual you could do for your dad - write a letter maybe, light candle, something like that.
As for your job, as Stitch said the DVLA almost certainly won’t take your licence, and a 3 year one is standard. However, you can also get hand controls for cars if needs be (I drive an automatic with a steering ball & push/pull lever for the accelerator & brake. Also, contact Access to Work. They’re a DWP thing to help people with disabilities to work. One of the things they can do is pay for taxis, so that might be an option.
Dan
Hi Lorna
The first thing is that you have (I hope) already told the DVLA of your Dx (and taken Stitch’s advice about the Insurance Co.
Next, always remember that the DVLA is a bureaucracy. It does it’s own thing and it takes it’s own sweet time.
It will send you a form or two to fill in, these go to its Medical Committee, who will not be able to make a decision without more information so they will write off to get this from whoever Dx-ed you (who may take his/her time replying) and the reply will be considered at the next meeting of the Medical Committee (which may be a few weeks away) and the paperwork will go back to the clerk who first started processing the papers to write back and tell you the decision. Phew.
Most probably, the decision will be that you get a three year licence (because this is standard for MS) and will have to go through it all again in three years time.
I said that the DVLA is a bureaucracy. Being over 70, I should have a two-year licence; since I have MS, I get a three-year licence. I am no longer allowed to drive mini-busses, and some light commercial vehicles - but I still have my licence to drive a main battle tank (not that I could ever get into one).
If you have not yet filled in the medical form yet, do not return your licence with it (and they will ask). You are allowed to drive using their letter as a licence while the decision is being made - but somehow I would not fancy trying to do this if stopped by a gendarme in France (you were planning to go over next month, were you not?).
Unless you have a problem with one leg, read the form carefully and answer just as carefully about driving an automatic. If it’s a right leg problem, feel free to PM me.
MS should not stop you working just like that. I know of a nurse at a GP practice who has to go out into the community. As she put it: “When I am OK, I drive my own car; when my legs are bad, I take my husband’s automatic; when I have a relapse, I stop for a couple of weeks”. Four years later she is still working.
It is always a good thing to photocopy the forms, and fill the copies in (in pencil) to make sure that you get the answers right. I have just done this myself for another three year renewal.
HTH
Geoff
hiya lorna
you have had good replies.
i just wanted to add that my dad took his own life over 30 years ago. in time you will find a way of coping with daily life. it doesnt change the fact that hes gone but u will find ur way of coping on a daily basis.
the candle suggestion by dan is a good idea-for 20+ years now i light a candle (for various reasons) and it does help
take care of you-thats piority, ellie x
Thanks all. I have a quiet word with my dad at times like this, it helps I just felt like my head was spinning last night. I’m normally a very laid back person but this month has been tough. I’m off work now for a week so intend to relax and enjoy lots of dog walks. The DVLA will make their decision. I will get by whatever the outcome. Thanks for listening to my pourings Lorna xx