Hi,
I was diagnosed with MS on the 28th March, after having, what the neurologist believes to be, my second relapse (I had my first last October but it was diagnosed as something different). I honestly don’t think it’s really hit me yet, I know that I haven’t really come to terms with the diagnosis. It couldn’t have come at a worse time really, I’m a third year English Literature student and I was supposed to hand my dissertation in this Wednesday, but due to my diagnosis and symptoms I may not be able to complete my final year now, I might have to do it all again next year.
I have been referred to the MS clinic at Salford Royal Hospital and I am waiting for an appointment with the consultant to discuss treatments. I am terrified of what the future holds. I am a person who likes to plan everything and to know what’s coming, and I feel that has been taken away from me. I am so angry right now, I feel constantly on the verge of a breakdown. I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I am so scared.
Have you told your department about all that’s been going on? You should find them very understanding, happy to give you a long extension on your dissertation and whatever help you need to finish your degree. If you have any difficulties getting help from them, see your Student Support Office (or whatever the equivalent is at your Uni). But start with your personal tutor, the member of staff that liaises with Stufent Support or the Head of Department. With regard to treatment: I’d recommend having a look at the msdecisions website. Getting from referral to first injection can go a lot quicker if the patient has already chosen one of the disease modifying drugs (DMDs) when they see the consultant. You’ve pinpointed arguably one of MS’s hardest things to deal with: the unpredictability. That said, life IS unpredictable, with or without MS.All types of people experience change, all the time. It might be as simple as the train being late and us having to revise our day or it might be serious, like terminal cancer, but change is something that we all have to deal with during the course of our lives. I think perhaps the difference with MS is that we now KNOW that our lives are unpredictable. And there’s a big difference between accepting that life is unpredictable and knowing that our life is going to be unpredictable. I do think there is a difference between planning everything and knowing what’s coming / being in control. A really brilliant organiser plans for contingencies and then calmly puts whatever’s necessary into action to deal with the new variable. That person is in control of how they deal with change, but they are not in control of change itself - no one can be. Which was a long winded way of trying to explain that dealing with MS means learning to adapt; to deal with change as and when it’s needed. So it’s fine to plan, we just have to be prepared to change our plans if we need to. Give yourself time to come to grips with it all. It’s not easy and at times you may feel you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, but you’ll be OK in the end. It’s amazing how well we adapt! And MS really isn’t the end of the world. It might feel like it right now, but it honestly isn’t. Karen x