I don’t really know why I am here; I guess it is because I don’t really know where else to go right now.
I’ll start with my story… I am going to bullet point so that I can be clear.
- 4 years ago I started to suffer with a tremor & headaches.
- Referred for MRI & Lumbar Puncture - results showed MS but as no other physical symptoms, follow up appointments were kept yearly – No other symptoms occurred in this time.
- July 2014 – Dizziness, Nausea, Headaches, Tingling symptoms appeared quite vigorously.
- Sent for MRI & results show an increased number of recent legions.
- Official diagnosis of MS made on 23rd December 2014 as this was to be my first official ‘relapse’.
- 1 hour meeting with MS nurse discussing treatment options / support etc.
- Sent home with a pack to read up & get my head round it all.
- Given a 500mg per day course of steroids for 5 days in which I have every side effect going & don’t feel any better from them.
I gave up smoking the day I got my results & now see a nutritionist to help me with my life style change.
I have a very supportive partner & mother who were with me at my results appointment.
The truth is I have pushed this from my mind over xmas & haven’t spoken a word about it & now it has hit me like a ton of bricks & I don’t know what to do next?!
I just feel the need to hide myself away & cry….
I have so many questions going on in my head…
- Am I still in my relapse as I don’t feel any better?
- Do I sit & worry that my next relapse is just round the corner?
- What if the next one is worse?
- What if I don’t get one for years?
- What if I always feel ill like I have done for the last 6 months?
- What if people don’t understand?
- What if this pushes my partner away?
- What if this affects my ability to do my job properly?
- Will I ever feel ‘normal’?
- Do I need to see a counsellor to help me accept this?
A big question in my head right now is the treatment….
I am reluctant to start a lifelong treatment of injections with only a 30% success rate.I know 30% is better than nothing, but what long term damage is this doing to your body?When you become immune to this treatment, do you try something stronger…weakening your immune system even more?
I am not against this treatment by any means, but I do believe there must be other ‘healthier’ ways to curb the progression?
I am so sorry or this one big ramble, but I just wanted to get this off my chest… What do I do next & how do I deal with this?