Parents have been having a go at me to meet these guys they want to introduce me to (they don’t know about my other half yet as he’s Jewish and I’m hindu - plan to tell them in august).
Just told them a few months ago about my health and they know they shouldn’t be getting me stressed out and to be honest even if I wasn’t with my partner I wouldn’t want to actively get introduced to someone by my parents like that and most families are likely to freak and run a mile at the mention of an unknown health condition anyway.
It’s just frustrating - I wish they’d stop meddling. Not having the best week - the lead arms are still here and I feel absolutely shattered. Went out for dinner with a friend and came home early as I was falling asleep at the table.
it’s almost like - just because they’re having people ask them about me they want to shirk their stress onto me.
Sorry it’s just annoying. They just don’t seem to understand this might not just all go away it could take years to get to the bottom of it. I’ve tried to support my parents with their ailments and gone for their appointments and done evrything I can to help them but I just feel they’re always nit picking and now this has just got to me. If my parents cared surely they’d understand being stressed might make my symptoms worse. Shouldn’t they be more like - do you know what getting married and finding a boy is not important right now - your health is more important. Thats how I’d be with my child.
Am I making sense or ranting. Sorry I’m just annoyed. I haven’t asked them for any help or support or to come to appointments I’ve delt with everything by myself and a little with my other half who is still dealing with his own loss (brother and mother died). The one thing I asked - no stress they can’t even seem to do that. They seem to have a one track mind!
I can’t imagine being in that situation - my parents were totally not interested in anything I did! Well, maybe that’s a bit harsh - more like they left me to it!!
Many moons ago I was living in the nurses home and one of my best friends was a medical student - he was Hindu & his parents were always sending him pics and info about ‘nice girls’ they wanted him to meet!
He was actually courting one of the most busty, ‘raunchy’ blonde ‘barbie’ type girls I have ever met!!!
He dodged his parents for years until eventually he owned up and married his sex bomb & his family did eventually accept her!
6 kids and 30 years later they are still happy bunnies!!
I know it’s hard Reemz - I saw what he went through - and having to deal with all that on top of being unwell must be a nightmare!
Parents are typically ‘in one ear out the other’ creatures - all you can do is keep on telling them until they understand where you are coming from xxxxxjenxxxx
Aw - tough one - religious traditions are difficult for parents to let go of, it’s so deeply embedded as the right way to do things. They do mean well for you I’m sure. They probably think that now you’re ill the sooner you get married the better! Good luck with the Jewish bf revelation - do his parents know about you yet? At the end of the day you have a right to make your own life in the way you believe is best for you. Life is complicated and you have to make some difficult decisions and take tricky steps sometimes to get to where you think is best for you - and not everybody will support you in that. Tell them about your other half - tell them you’re already in a relationship and that you’re happy (I presume you are?) Jump the hurdle and move on a step. Your health will be better for it in the long run. I hope your parents accept it even if they are shocked in the first instance.
Hi Cultural differences get parents going. Had 30+ years of it since I met my wife at college. Then there’s the “Snyde” bit talking in a foreign language, not like parents, took 5kids (grand kids) Mike
I’m very happy with my other half. All his direct family have passed away now But have met his cousins and aunts who I get on very well with.
Definitely time to tell my parents. I’d been waiting because my other halfs mum and brother died and we weren’t sure where we were at really and I needed to be sure he was ready for the whole comitment before telling my folks. Then I had me falling ill and only told them 2 months ago about that and my dads just had a hernia op so with all of that thought it best to tell them in august. I’m away on holiday end of july with them so thought it better after that (we have a date set).
They won’t like it and it will be difficult but to be honest me and Marc have supported and stood by each other through thick and thin. I love him and couldn’t imagine having anyone else in my life. So hope my parents come round but if not I’m doing whats right for me. To be honest telling them will be a relief.
Thank you for listening to me whine. Just not feeling 100% with my heavy arms and tiredness and then to keep having them go on just really upset me.
Always tricky, cultural traditions and differences… and very difficult for you to have to deal with right now.
I don’t have that issue but I do have parents that question everything the Drs say about what may be wrong with me and don’t accept that I may have something that won’t just get better or can’t beeasily treated so that it goes away. Maybe its denial or maybe they are a bit bored of asking me how I am and getting the same answers all the time. My mum recently said, “well maybe you need to just get to grips with yourself, grit your teeth and get on with things or you’ll get the sack”. Thankfully, my boss is a little more understanding about me being signed off work than that and has told me to concentrate on getting myself sorted out.
Yes I think the good day bad day idea is fab Claire. I’m going to try it.
Well I guess the two weeks I’m on holiday with my family maybe they’ll get to see what it’s really like for me. Dreading the temperature - really worried I’m going to feel worse and my family tend to go on these long 5 mile walks sight seeing and expeditions… don’t know if I could manage that in engalnd at the moment never mind Cyprus heat!
I am really sorry you are having health problems at the moment, and I am sorry that your parents are stressing you out!
Cultural differences are a tough one, and only you know how and when to talk to your parents about your partner, but I really hope they accept your decision and embrace your happiness.
I think for many people that if they cant ‘see’ a condition/disease it doesnt exist. Its hard enough to have all this uncertainty hanging over our heads, without people adding to the stress. For yours parents (and mine) it must be very hard to accept that their child has something wrong with them, and its probably easier for them to believe that it will go very soon and their child will be back to ‘normal’. I am a Mum of 4 children (28,26,21,17) and I know I would find it difficult too.
I hope your holiday eases some of the pressures here (and that you tolerate the Cyprus heat) Good luck xx
Stating the obvious here, but…our parents are a different generation to us. They grew up in a different world, that is, the recent past, and that is a place very remote from our experience. Sad, but true! Alison x
Cultural differences are a killer, my parents were 1st generation immigrants, They didn’t do this at home-that a favourite I have seen a nice girl I know her parents, they came to England with me What’s freedom of choice??
Yes my parents are quiet a bit older - I was the after thought which has made things in terms of generation gap even more difficult. I do know they love me but they do seem to have this notion that the world revolves around getting married - and thats to a hindu boy who is from a ‘good’ family. Unfortunatelty that doesn’t work always- I’ve seen the issues my siblings have had also it’s not like I didin’t try.
Healthwise I think my parents just don’t understand because though they understand english quite well and can converse well antyhing complicated and medical no and in terms of technology and readin up to find out about things no. I think thats what makes it difficult - they really are completely clueless about these things. And also as you’ve all said I think they just are thinking it will all go away one day - makes it more difficult as I’m try to deal with things as they are and if I miraculously improve than that’s a bonus.
Just wondering if you’re any further forward? Was thinking of watching ‘Kidnapped and Drugged for Family Honour’ on BBC3 tonight and thought of you!!! lol.
But have met his cousins and aunts who I get on very well with.
Good luck xx