Last Wednesday night I was out sharing a Christmas meal with some of my former work colleagues. I had to take medical retirement due to my MS after 36 years of nursing last July. I was wearing a knee length dress and some knee boots with a block heel. I was feeling good and felt nice and feminine and managing to balance on the heels ok.
After a lovely meal and a very pleasant evening I went to get my coat from the cloak room. There was a group of women sitting round the table next to the cloak room. Walking towards them I adjusted my dress making sure I wasn’t showing any more leg above my knees than I intended. I turned to go into the cloak room when one of the women shouted out " are you looking for the toilet?" I said" no I am looking for my coat"
The rest of the them burst out laughing instead of just leaving it there she came back with " well she looked like she was bursting for a pee". They all erupted into laughter once again, I retrieved my coat off the peg and had to walk past them all again. The cloak room had no door on it so I could hear everything she was saying.
Feeling self conscious by this time I started walking away when she continued to justify what she had said by repeating herself in an even louder voice just in case anyone had failed to hear her the first time round in the rest of the bar room!!
It was at this point my right leg decided to play up and not follow through so I stumbled on my heels but didn’t fall. Then she couldn’t help herself by adding " looks like she’s had too much to drink as well" gales of laughter from the rest of her cronies.
I hadn’t had an alcoholic drink all night I just felt really embarrassed and couldn’t wait to get out the room. I only told my husband about it today but now I feel angry.
Why do we have to endure such ignorance as disabled people in this country. It’s the first time it’s happened to me and I felt hurt and vulnerable at the time.
In the future I will stand up for myself if my husband had been there he would have savaged them!!
I am going to end up getting quite militant about the way disabled people are treated. None of us asked for this incurable neurological disease and it’s hard enough coping with it on a daily basis. I for one refuse to be a made into a social pryia because I am unfit to work and claim benefits and have to live on a small pension and still pay taxes!!“”
Sorry for the rant. Hope everyone has a good Christmas.
Hi Jude, so sorry to read this. BUT how did they know you were disabled? Are you sure they wernt just drunk and you happened along at the right time to take the mickey out of you.
I wouldnt let this upset a good night out. Their behaviour is not worthy of another thought not really. I believe in the saying, what comes around goes around she will get hers one day.
I am glad you had a lovely evening, so dont let this ignorant beeeeachhhhhh spoil it for you ok. They are there regardless if we are disabled or not, they just like to think they are clever but they are not they are just plain ignorant.xxx
MERRY XMAS to you hun. x
P.S. The way i deal with stuff is to laugh. I have lost balanced before in front of people in shops, and just say laugh out loud and say oooops I need to put more water in me whiskey next time LOL. They always laugh at the at. xx
People like that would have picked on ANYTHING to poke fun. It wasn’t because you were disabled it was because you were fodder to be bullied. If you had been fat or had ginger hair it would probably have been those features that drew the remarks. People like this are just not worth worrying about – they are scum and not worthy of your attention.
I agree that the attitudes towards disability are shameful in this country at the moment but when our own government points the finger at us as scroungers and wastrels it’s hardly surprising that the uneducated follow suit. But I really don’t think this incident had to do with disability it was about a group of women amusing themselves in the worst possible way.
I am a wheelchair user and it’s like a badge of honour – I never get bullied. A friend asked me if I felt vulnerable going out at night on my own (Shock horror, I go to the pub now and again) and I was quite surprised. I don’t feel vulnerable or discriminated against because it’s all up front – people don’t say things to someone in a wheelchair but the walking wounded seem to be fair game!
Don’t let this incident take away your confidence. Practice a good put down line.
When I wake up tomorrow I’ll still have MS but you’ll also still be ignorant and rude.
I agree with the others! It wasn’t because you were disabled - it was because they didn’t even dream you were! I’m sure they would have been mortified if they’d thought you weren’t just a little bit tipsy. I’m guessing they’d overindulged a bit, and had got a bit lairy. They assumed other people there had also been drinking (which is not a wild assumption, in a restaurant, on the run-up to Christmas)
The only comparable incident I’ve had was I was walking down some steps at the sation, when quite a young lad shouted out: “Ma’am, your swagger is amaaaazing!” At the time, I was quite newly diagnosed, and not aware there was anything visibly odd about my walking - certainly not to prompt comment in the street. I’m still not sure there is now, but I do admit to struggling on stairs, and perhaps I was having a particularly bad day…
Afterwards, I reflected there was nothing about the comment that reflected they thought I was disabled - or even that they’d intended to be rude. Why would you address somebody, rather quaintly, as: “Ma’am”, if you were going out of your way to be rude to them? And it could even be construed as a compliment: he hasn’t thought I’m ill in the slightest; he’s mistaken it for “attitude”.
I know it’s not quite the same as being mistaken for p*ssed - but then, I wasn’t in a restaurant or bar at the time, where that conclusion is perhaps more understandable.
I’ve seen the T-shirts that say: “I’m not p*ssed, it’s MS”. I’m not sure I’d want to go about advertising what the problem is, just in case anyone gets the wrong idea. More people get tanked up than have MS (though some of us do both ), so I’m not surprised the general public thinks booze is a more likely explanation than disability. In most cases, they’re right.
hey jude! Bet you`re fed up of hearing that one, eh?
Right, this batch of b####y women, were just out of their heads on disrespect! Booze may have been to blame, but nevertheless, they were out to embarrass anyone they could…but what they hadn`t realised was that other people in the venue will have heard their disgusting behaviour and seen them as hateful people.
So however bad and upset they made you feel, they belittled themselves so much more.
Forget the episode, refuse to let ignorant waste of skin people, stop you living your life, yeh?
It does knock us when things go wrong with our wonky bodies, but we MUST keep calm and carry on!!
Luvya for your honesty and all the wonderful years of service you gave us all in your profession.
I get how it must have upset you. I would have been upset too.
There is no excuse for behaving like that so I am not going to even try to jusify what they said. The idiots.
Hope you are feeling happier today and try not to think about the upsetting bit of the night. Just remember the fun time you had with your friends.
You must be a caring person, which is why you chose the career you did. Like Poll said, thank you for the care you showed to others during your 36 years nursing.
I’ll say one thing for you Jude, you showed a lot of patients. If I’d been in your place, they would have had to call the police out and have me arrested lol. only joking!!!
Forget about it…if anything, pity the poor ignorant fools.
Thank you all for your replies and good advice. I am feeling much better about it all today and agree with what you all say. There is no point getting upset over ignorant people I need to focus my energies on the positive things in life. I am feeling a bit sensitive at the moment due to being in a relapse.
It is the season of good will so moving on and forget about it.
I am so glad we have this forum to turn to because there is always someone that reaches out and replies with empathy and wise words so a big thank you to all of you. Thank you Pol for your kind words I still miss being a nurse.
Wishing you all a merry Christmas and a healthy and Happy New Year.
), so I’m not surprised the general public thinks booze is a more likely explanation than disability. In most cases, they’re right.