i have to get this off my chest and out there!
So apologies if this meanders all over the place.
i have been diagnosed with MS for about 4 years now.
my early days symptoms were numb feet, legs, fingers, groin, hug, balance, fatigue and very many trips to the toilet!
the numbness eventually subsided, apart from finger tips and toes. Trips to the toilet subsided but have increased of late, in fact last night I think I went almost hourly for the whole night.
Over the past year or so my thighs constantly feel cold and sort of stiff? Hard to describe really,but I don’t think it has affected my balance or walking?
i have attended hospital for scans etc…and last year it showed 2 spots in the brain.
to be perfectly honest I have put it to the back of my mind and try to forget I have this condition!
i have even stupidly kept how I really felt or the symptoms away from my GP and MS nurse.
again if I didn’t say it it didn’t exist?
crazy I know but that is the only conclusion I can come to for this behaviour?
Anyway I have always continued with work and fairly recently I applied for and got a good management position, which also entailed relocating from Scotland to England.
Everything started well enough but fairly quickly fatigue started to affect my stamina and performance levels.
I also noticed that my memory was starting to play up?
i have had problems with trying to find the right words at times, even forgetting what I was saying sometimes? Which has proved to be equally embarrassing as it is frustrating!
The memory loss really kicked in about a month ago, not all the time but enough for me to fall behind with ordering and reports.
i had kept this memory problem hidden from my employers and also my wife which I know is totally selfish especially with how she has lovingly supported me all the way.
I suppose it was my way of denying my condition by ignoring it completely.
the upshot of all of this is that it has caused my contract to be terminated.
Now i feel so low that I am sure I am suffering from depression on top of it all and I really am struggling to deal with the situation and take this all in and feel totally lost? I have never felt this low and worthless, never! I don’t know which way to turn or whether I should look for work with the fear that this will repeat itself and I have to go through all this again. I feel guilty enough that I am putting my wife through this turmoil without doing it all over again.
This isn’t how it should be! I should be there and be strong for my wife and I feel like a quivering wreck!
another thing I noticed was my left eye was moving back and forth very quickly,like a tremor of sorts? Is this part of MS?
again apologies for my ramblings!