My partner keeps telling me I don’t understand his ms and the symptoms ect…I feel like I don’t know what it is I am supposed to do. We have 3 young girls and a house to keep,his mood swings and temper is awful and have almost been ready to leave. What is it I am supposed to do to help?
As someone who has had MS for 20+ years, I think I have earned the right to say that MS, or MS plus associated depression/anxiety/disability/cognitive decline/money worries can turn a person into a bad-tempered, selfish arse, who is too deeply mired in self-pity to pay attention to others’ needs. There’s nothing special about MS in that regard: any chronic progressive neurological disorder will do. But that doesn’t mean the foul temper and grumpiness are a permanent state: people can and do learn to deal better with their situation, so don’t give up on him just yet. In the chaos of family life, it can be so hard to find time to sit down for peaceful time together to hve a heart-to-heart, without judgement or blame, to exchange news about how things actually are for you both and how you can both do better at listening and helping each other through. But that’s what you need to try to do, I think. Communication, as always, is key.
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Heidi85,
MS is indiscriminate in who it affects, and that goes for partners who are indirectly affected. So sorry to hear how you are feeling as well as sorry for your partner having a bad time. You may not have a full understanding of how he feels, but it sounds like he does not understand how you are feeling. In my opinion it is a team experience and there needs to be give and take on both sides. E.G when you are having a tough day he needs to back off and cut you some slack, so that when he is having a bad day you have the strength to support him. As Alison said it is about communication.
All the best
Mick
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Definitely work on the communication aspect. It’s a fact that no one without MS will ever fully understand it, but he needs to be able to share with you what he actually needs from you. And MS doesn’t give you free reign to run roughshod over your family. He needs to tone things down a bit and find ways to work out his frustrations in ways that don’t negatively affect the rest of the household.
How long has he had MS? Does he work? Is he still physically able? Do you have a job outside the home? All of these things play a part.
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