I was diagnosed in Feb this year but have found that some big little things (I know that doesn’t make sense) like getting my Blue Badge and having my driving license changed for a ‘medical renewal license’ have absolutely made me spiral. It’s as if those 2 things made it all real. Not the diagnosis, hospital appointments, scans, leg splint, spasm etc like an outside acknowledgment of my illness made me realise how bad it is.
I have been snapping at my wife and not noticing I am and just sad. Not crying constantly but not able to get past the feeling of grief and sadness.
Spending all day in work masking those feelings of anger and sadness make it 1000 times worse when I’m home as it’s all built up. I can’t mope around work all day but I need to get better at talking about these feelings so I don’t snap at my loved ones.
I’ve had a lot of grief throughout my life which I’ve dealt with but this is like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
I don’t really know what responses I’m looking for just needed to say it I think. I know I need to be open and honest about my feelings, it’s just difficult.
Hi, I think what you are going through is quite common - ms is alot to get your head around, I had a rough patch with my teenage daughter and I remember thinking she would be better off if I wasn’t around.
It does get better , you will come to terms with it and find ways of getting over the challenges.
Talk to your wife, try to make her understand and come up with ideas to overcome or get around any problems. Ask for patience, She can always join this group to get an idea of what others say, and vent any frustrations she has aswell.
Hello there!
You’re so new still into your diagnosis. It can take quite a while for the ‘new’ you to accept the changes.
I’ve been at this game with PPMS taking me over for 25 years.
It’s a pig, it’s a horror…yes those things and more besides. But guess what? YOU are still in there somewhere. Some days the MS takes over completely you’re allowed to feel upset, angry, whatever.
On those days try to remember there will be better days…days you will cope and days when it will be harder to cope.
Last year I felt I had had enough. I didnt know how to face more years of paraplegia, needing other folk to wash me, dress me, cut my food up for me …being grateful for their help. I was a mess mentally.
Then something so amazing happened…I sat in a hospice garden, where I was having respite, and cried to God…a couple of weeks later, Jesus came to me and made me feel so loved, so worthy of life and boy! what a difference that made!
My health is no better physically, but my mental state is at peace with who I am.
I don’t think any of the things you have described are small or normal and not everyone wants to listen and they definitely don’t understand. I have a team meeting on Tuesday. There are eighteen of us and we have to go around ‘checking in’ on how we’ve been for the last month. I hate it but I’m going to tell them that my driving licence is being recalled, that I have become dependent on my hubbie and a wheelchair to get me to the bus stop. I have had my PIP telephone assessment and I am waiting for a decision from DWP. I don’t think they will want to know this and there will definitely be tears. But if they are asking then I am telling! MS is so complicated I don’t think anyone can understand- I definitely don’t understand. I am just taking one day at a time and yes I have faith that it will all work out OK even if that’s not how I planned
Yeah I’m lucky I’m in a team of 4 people so I’ve been open and honest every step (and trip/fall) of my diagnosis and big stages. I’ve had a few people ask me why I’m limping and there’s no easy way to tell them so I’ve just opted with straight truth, don’t comment if you don’t want to hear the answer!!!
I’m so sorry to hear about your license being recalled and I know the wait on PIP is crazy long at the moment because of everything going on!!!
I’ve not been looking in for a while, little things do matter. Go into a room and scream, maybe warn people first. Get a punchbag and beat the s**t out of it. MS sucks, actually life sucks. To be open and honest all the time is hard for the people around you, come here and be open and honest, we can take it and ‘get it’.
I’ve marked all posts with a ’ pink neart=Like’
Take care be safe. M x
