Being undiagnosed for nearly 18 months, but knowing that if I have a second attack ms will be confirmed, I have read everything about ms, all the horror stories, the facts, the myths to the point where I’m so scared of having ms confirmed that i wonder sometimes if it’s all worth it. I can feel the fear building up inside me, picturing the day wen it comes & I’m told. I’ve had dreams of myself with ms & in my dreams I’ve got tremors in my arms because of the ms. I still can’t believe that I could well end up with ms in my life & it terrifies me. I’m scared if becoming disabled, having to use an aid, scared that I’ll not be able to work & earn money, scared to have a child & if I do will it be the right thing for me & that child, would I be cruel bringing a child into this world. I don’t want people to see me becoming disabled or needing help. I just want my life back & not to feel so scared.
Life doesn’t stop at diagnosis. For some it starts, puts life into perspective and makes you chase your dreams. Be them a family or career. I was diagnosed last year and found it very scary, but as time has passed i am used to it. Im much more healthy than i used to be.
Does sound like a trip to your gp is in order. They can help get things off your chest and get things in perspective. Being diagnosed is so daunting but its not the end of the world. Their are treatments available for most symptoms and treatments to help.
All these fears are natural, but if they are dominating your thinking and clouding your life, then it’s time to act, and you will probably need some help to put your fears in perspective and wrest back some control so that you can enjoy your life properly again. Many of us on here, me included, have got a lot out of counselling. A professional counsellor is an expert in helping a person to find an exit off that roundabout of anxiety and dread where the fears go round and round and feel as if they will do so for ever and there is no exit in sight. It is not a matter of making the fears go away. It’s more a matter of finding ways of living well despite them. And it really can be done. Please do not struggle on alone with this if you are feeling low and trapped. It might be worth a chat with your GP to start with. many surgeries have a counsellor they recommend to people, although the NHS rarely pays for counselling these days, other than the short term fix of CBT (although this can be extremely helpful too). If you are looking for a counsellor locally yourself, check they are accredited to the BACP. Some counselling organisations operate not for profit and, while most require everyone to pay something, some offer heavily subsidised services, so don’t be put off by the thought that it might be beyond your budget.
Please try to treat this anxiety and fear as if it was a broken arm or something - just a thing that has unfortunately gone wrong and that you need to fix. You don’t need to keep on feeling like this.
I would suggest counciling to help with your fears, I am 27 I use a walking stick and people must look t me and think all sorts, I know they do, mostly oh is that a football injury? no its not I have a lesion on my brain woke up one day and couldnt walk. Oh, yes oh, but its ok because my life hasnt stopped, just make some things harder.
Everyone is different and it doesnt mean you cant still fulfil all your dreams and think of the achievments when you do something but it was harder. We have been set with this challange and this path and life really doesnt stop.
I worry if we have kids what if I cant get to them if they fall over but im not worried now. Not at all, I would rather they said it was Ms so I can actually join groups and et support. a My only advice would be to not keep things bottled up, dont think things will be bad when in reality your worrying about something that hasnt happened yet or maybe not at all. Keep smiling and keep going and do what you want and enjoy life to the max. we are all hear for you
Its only natural to wonder ‘what if’ and perhaps veer towards the negative stories/outcomes. We’ve all done it, and I’m sure many (me for one) still do. Its taken me about 5 months to get myself up and running again (8 years symptoms, relapse last autumn, dx early feb), plus 12 counselling sessions, and a daily dose of anti despressants. I’ve always been one to shut myself away and try and cope on my own, but recently I have learnt to take the help I am offered, and if its not offered, to go out and find it.
Life really doesn’t stop, it just changes, and they might not be big changes. Try and look after yourself, and enjoy the here and now. I’ve never been one for taking my holiday allowance, but have booked a couple of little breaks this year - something to look forward to. I’ve also signed up for a charity cycle ride, which is giving me something to focus on.
It is scary knowing that something is not quite right, and is possibly going to get worse, but I for for one was glad to have a diagnosis. With a diagnosis comes treatment, support and protection. Try to live one day at a home, you can’t stop a relapse, but getting worried and stressed about it is unlikely to do you any favours.
Take care of yourself
I’m pretty sure I’ve replied to you about this before so I won’t go over old ground. You need to get some help and the best place to start is at your GP’s: make a double appointment, tell your GP all about it and ask for help. Counselling can be absolutely brilliant - give it a go, and do it asap. Your fears are real, but they are grossly out of proportion - don’t let them ruin your life!