I do try to appreciate how lucky I am, (I know people who would chew their own limbs off to be as well as me) but there are days like today when I could shriek and sob in sheer frustration, like a spoiled brat 2 year old at my inability to do stuff (for whatever reason) I frequently suggest to others that getting angry is a pointless waste of energy BUT I am absolutely livid with the “sub-optimal” performance of my body. Nothing major, no one got hurt, just a combination of struggles that make me want to SCREAM !"£$%^&()&^%$£
As you can see, this is my ‘go to’ place for rants and screams.
The sun is shining, the birds are still on the feeders, I will become “captain Mellow” again in the near future.
I feel for you. I sometimes have days when I am just furiously indignant to be reminded by hard evidence that I still have MS, dammit. Something minor will happen, as you say, something like maybe trying to ‘pass’ as a normal person for an hour or two, doing normal person things at normal person pace and then… Well, you know what happens next, Mick, of course you do. And sometimes that’s OK and I shrug and rest and regroup, and sometimes is it just completely, infuriatingly not OK.
Mick, totally with you. I lie in bed every morning and think.of what I am going to do that day.if I get two of them done that is a good day! My mind doesn’t seem to gave realised the difference in me then and me now!! I try and accept it. Most days it is ok. Sometimes though I could scream in frustration. Let it out. Tomorrow is another day. Take good care ANNE
Thanks, one time I went for an actual BIG scream, and despite being in a detached house, my neighbour was worried enough to phone my father in law. I apologised and felt like an idiot.
Hi Mick, I always remember a ‘story’ my father told me a long time ago… One of his clients at the time told him that their father/mother had passed away, at the wonderful age of 95+… They felt sort of guilty that they still felt very sad, in spite of the fact that this parent had reached a very old age… What one can conclude from this is that every ‘sad situation’ is a situation on its own. One should no longer ‘compare’ at that particular moment and try to deal with that particular sad news as good as possible, whatever that bad/sad news is…, and as far as I am concerned ‘time’ is the only ‘thing’ that sort of heals…
You’re not on your own, and don’t hide…, there is always something ‘good’ on the horizon! Take care, life is just sh*t at times!
…sorry Mick, I forgot to say to listen to LBC (Leading Britains Conversation) and you hear so many stupid/ wonderful/ sad/ ingenious/ entertaining people calling in, that you forget about your own issues…, well at least for that particular moment!). Take care.
I definitely relate to this… get so ****ing annoyed with myself and my stupid body that doesn’t always do as planned! But letting it all out on here is a way to get it out of the system without burdening other people with it.
Thanks josfromglos I am usually quite good at the pragmatic breaking up of overwhelming issues into smaller more manageable bits. As for LBC, I do on occasion have a listen. There seems to be vast range of human responses. Some of it is brilliant and some ridiculous.
I so get this, I scream and rant to myself quite a lot, my mind still thinks I can do things, my body thinks another, this condition is so frustrating, GRrrrr
Well I just wrote a long ramble, and got an error message so I shall just say I get guilt for looking ok and being mobile Yes I am fine, but definitely not fine. So thanks for this thread I am not alone
resisting the massive temptation to use the ‘f word’ !!!..
m s is an abomination it encroaches and damages every aspect of our lives - relationships/work/leisure etc etc.
So why do we behave so ‘politely’ about it - gone through all the phases and wax lyrical about ‘having come to terms with it’
I’m afraid in that respect I’m still on the starting line - I remain very angry about the whole thing. And why do we tell the medics or anyone who asks ‘How are you?’ that we are ‘fine’ when we’re not.
Why do we allow ourselves to become conditioned to be ‘accepting’ of our lot. Why don’t we tell people how we really feel.
Dare I say - in my mind I have a point of deterioration and if I reach that point I wont want to go on - and with that in the back of my mind I do go on - what a desperate state!
We m s ers are an amazing lot - we have been dumped on from a great height - we struggle on.
Nice one Cracowian, well put. I use the bit fat F word way too often. I am still furious at MS. I will never ‘accept’ it. Ever!
I’ve just about trained myself out of answering ‘fine’, when a doctor asks me how I am. Clearly, if I’m talking to a Dr, I’m not fine. The best it gets is ‘well, you know, not my absolute worst, but could be better!’
Fury, righteous anger, just annoyance at failing and flailing and (mostly) not quite falling. That’s my everyday. Now and then I am just about resigned to my useless dammed body. (There’s a few F words!)
I think we pretty much all have times like Mick described. Screaming internally at the very least is rather helpful.
OMG i so get you.Today is my daughters birthday(shes in her 20s) i am in bed with a bad relapse but i think its a good idea to get up and make her a birthday cake…which i did!!! i now feel like im about to bloody die and back in bed and feel like i could scream but i dont have the energy to lol.
my wife does not like the fact that I swear a lot, generally I am verbally abusing the awkward git that is my misbehaving body (or the well known git called gravity). I try to explain that the swearing starts after the 99 times I have bitten my tongue.