I hope you don't mind.

My uncle died yesterday, a short history of his condition… It would have been twenty years on the 29th of this month the he had a stroke/Brain Hemorrige (spellcheck) resulting in him falling down the stairs. He lived alone and we think laid there overnight before the alarm was raised because it was realised no one had seen him. Despite the doctors telling us he would not survive, survive he did. He was left doubly incontinent, paralysed down one side and what I’m sorry I can only describe as he wasn’t all there. He would talk about his mother (my Nana) who had died eight years previously as if she was still alive. At the same time he would know who we all were and would remember everything about the past but he never once asked where he was or why he was now living in a nursing home. We think he thought he was still at his home. Twenty years on and he just became weaker quieter and less responsive we were called to the home on Tuesday as it was thought he would not last much longer and yesterday fifteen minutes after having the priest attend to give him the last rites he passed away.

He was 59 just five years older than I am now when this happened to him he would have been eighty on the 9th Sept. It is going to leave such a hole in the families life my mum visits him twice a week unless on holiday, my aunt once a week my uncle once or twice a week various cousins at various times, I take my mum every sat morning and when I’m not at work on a Wednesday too. What are we going to do now he’s not there , it’s a blessing for him but so sad.

I go on holiday on Tuesday so spent yesterday afternoon trying to do all that needs doing and have a couple of appointment today to finish the arrangement so at least I know everything will be sorted and my mum doesn’t need to worry about details, my son will make sure she has someone to go to during my absence. I feel sad to be away for the funeral but I don’t feel guilty he doesn’t need me now he’s no longer here but I do wish I could be here for my mum but if I don’t go my friend won’t go, I’m rambling now I’m sorry I just felt the need to write it down I haven’t gone into all the details but I hope I’ve given you some insight into how he was and how he had to live we all prayed he would live when it happened but with hindsight it would have been better for him had he died, he hasn’t had a life thes last twenty years and at least he is now at peace. He had massive faith in God and I so hope he finds the peace he deserves.

Jan x

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Jan all I can say is go away and have a good time. Do remember him but he is in a better place and life is for the living your family will miss him but now you have got more time for each other. Have a good time.

Hugs Don

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Condolences to you and your family Jan.

It sounds as if his last 20 years were peaceful and always having visits from family was wonderful. He was certainly not neglected.

Nobody can know if it would have been better if he had died 20 years ago. He obviously still had the will to live & maybe in his own way he was happy or at least had enough happy times to want to stay alive.

I don’t think it matters not going to his funeral. You were there for him when he was alive and that’s what matters.

Hope you have a nice holiday.

Pat xx

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Hi Jan

Sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family. I would go on your holiday if I were you, I am sure that is what your Uncle’s wish would be, you done all you could during his life.


Pam x

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Thanks for the messages, I do intend to still go on holiday I always go away with the same friend and if I were to cancel it would spoil her holiday.

Most arrangements have been, made unfortunately there is a problem with the Death Certificate the Doctor, with the families agreement put the cause of death as frailty due to age (or something similar). This is not acceptable because they will only accept this cause if the person was 80 or over. The Doc has issued another certificate but we now have to wait for it to be countersigned by the coroner. Tomorrow is the last day I can deal with this so I will have to pass it over to someone else to finalise things. I really wanted everything dealt with before I went away so I knew Mum didn’t have to worry about anything. I sound like a control freak, I know the family will sort it I just have to let them. Everything is in place we just need the certificate to allow things to take their course.

I’m adding a year to his age he was 78 so would have been 19 years in the Nursing home. Which is ironic because recently he has been telling people he is 92, which doesn’t please mum cos she is five years older than him!

Jan x

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