i cant cope with all this

next monday i am going to the docs to ask for anti depressants, ESA has tipped me over the edge.

just had a phone call from builders, they are coming on monday to knock the upstairs bathroom and toilet into one and widen my bedroom door. they will be here all week. bad enough to cope with. my parents are going away next week so i cant take refuge there.

had a letter from jobcentre today telling me i have to go for an interview on tuesday at 2.30, so now i have to rearrange my carers hours so i can get there or risk losing my benefit. (i did put in an appeal about been put in the work group but have heard nothing on that front yet)

and to put the icing on the cake my 5 month old kitten who disappeared 2 days ago has been found dead on the railway line!

i cant cope with all this. any suggestions welcome.


I’m sorry I have nothing of use to say but am sending you a big hug and hope it all gets sorted. Sonia x


Try looking on the positive side, you will have a toilet and bathroom in one, and your bedroom door will be wide enough for you. Ok you can’t take refuge at your parents but the work shouldn’t take to long to be done.

I am so sorry that you have lost your kitten and am sending you lots of (((((HUGS)))))



OMG, what a dreadful time your having. I know its hard to say but things wont always be the same, try think your building work will soon be over, its amazing how we forget afterwards. As for the ESA, its a baskit of a job when being disabled your having to prove your unable to work. Some seem to get automatically into the support group whereas others have to continually fight. How I feel for you, been through it with my son and still are. Try stay positive about the appeal, for you know your in the wrong group, so tell them how it is and why - sock it to em love.

I know saying sorry about your lovely cat doesnt hit the spot, but really I do understand how upset you must be feeling, very bereft of your loyal friend. I can only send you (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) - tell you Im sending support and care. At times like your experiencing sometimes it helps just to know others care out there, and a feeling of togetherness of other msers helps a little.

I hope in the next few weeks things begin to turn around, although your mourning will go on for some time I know. All in good time, take a good breath in and face the future knowing it wont always be like this.

best wishes



Morning and so sorry to hear about your cat.

Can you not phone the job centre to say you are unable to come to them due to your disabilities,and the need to have carers to do something like that and they are inflexible in their times.

You need them to come to you,then it might kick start the fact that you really are disabled and cant do things at the drop of a hat?


Explain to the builders that there is no where else to move to, so though you want a good job, maybe it is possible to do it all in one/two days or the knocking out in one day, then the building back up on another day? They often do plan longer than it takes but explain you will be living there at the same time?

Cannot give a resolution on point two (jobcentre) as fortunate to still be employed

I feel for your loss especially a kitten . The positive side is that at least they were found as opposed to the many that just disappear to never be found. The last few cats we have had are ones from an animal sanctuary who are older, love a good home and are content to stay indoors even with the option to go out. The present one goes as far as our front gate (6 metres away) then runs back in (no cat flap so we know if in or not!)

We are all here for you.



Not a happy time for you - So sorry about your kitten - Wish you lived nearer as you could have come and stayed whilst the work is being done. Although, sometimes it is best to be there ‘over-seeing’ the job. The builders might get on with it knowing how desperate it is to be finished. At least there are no Bank Holidays due for a while - thats hoping that they finish before xmas. Make sure the job centre know you are in a wheel-chair - and that they have disabled access and facilities. Also ask if they are prepared to pay for travel costs for you and a carer!!!

lf you do decide to get another cat - do as Vince did - contact the Cats Protection League or any other cat rescue - they usually have lots of older cats - who just want to stay at home - they will be house-trained and neutered. My mum adopted one last year - and whenever l go round it is asleep in her bed. Never seen it awake - she assures me that it does go outside occasionally.

love Francesxx

Hi Janet, oh love I am so sorry to hear you have lost your kitten in such an awful way.theres never a nice way to lose a loved pet, so apologies if that came over clumsily.I didnt mean it that way.

Just wondering, would it be possible to go stay at your parents` house, while they are away? Could your carer get to you there?

The work has to be done and just think how great it will be when it`s all done, eh?

As regards the job centre interview…why not tell them you are having essential works done and can`t make the appointment. I know that may just be putting off the date, but just now you have enought to cope with, eh?

luv Pollx

thanks for replying and all your advice. just to update you all

the kitten is now buried in my garden. for such a young cat he certainly lived a life. he came for walks with us and caught his first rabbit, not pleasant i must say and no way was he going to let it go. we have had no end of mice, shrews brought into the house sending my carer into panic mode. little devil.

i phoned the job centre and eventually got put through to my local one and explained why i couldnt go. the lady asked if i had been taken off incapacity benefit and had i appealed. she said quite a few people who obviously couldnt work were been sent to them. she stressed the importance of sending supporting evidence which i have done. anyway she said she would leave me alone until after the appeal decision then take it from there. thank god.

as for the bathroom… sigh… im not sure this work is going to improve anything apart from been able to wash my hands. they havnt decided where grab rails going to be put. i have to lean against one to pull knickers etc up if im lucky. OT said they might have to custom make something and that will take time. it was her idea to have this work done as at the mo i have to back my wheelchair out off loo onto top of stairs which isnt very safe.

i cant stay at my parents cos i cant get to the bathroom poll, or any other room come to that apart from the living room.

and frances i wish i was closer to you too. i could look after my names sake quite happily for a few days. i bet the chicks are getting their adult feathers by now and are not so cute.

love to you all


I feel so much for you about your kitten. Our 13 month old kitten was killed on the road last Thursday. He sounded just like your kitten. I didn’t like having to clean the carpet so much, but it was lovely to see a healthy young cat hunting just like he should. We’ll never know why he was even near the road. At least we were lucky in that someone stopped and took his body to a vets and we got a call before we even missed him. I always said I’d do that myself, but now I understand how good a thing it can be to do. Thankfully we got him from Cats Protection, so he was chipped and we got a call quickly. It does help, but not much at the moment.

I hope the building work goes smoothly. You and me will be thinking of our beautiful kittens and one day smiling not crying through the pain.

take care,


Very sorry to hear about your kitten. Also got the builders here and electrician has just finished a complete rewire, walls knocked down between two bedrooms to make one big one, kitchen/diner/lounge (now sort of Ushaped) plumber strting bathroom tomorrow (he does his own wall knocking down and plastering) new French doors installed yesterday and new front windows and doors Wed plasterer starts Tues…a way to go yet but it’s looking great, good job they all know each other and are willing to make their own tea! I haven’t found it too bad, probably because half our stuff is still in boxes in the garage, dog going to kennels on Tuesday and we will probably retire to the local Travelodge for a couple of nights, as we’ll have no bathroom or hot water…just remembered he comes with new electric cylinder tomorrow as well! I did say before we bought this bungalow it was my ideal property, so can’t back down from that…can I? lol It will all get done ,as will yours I suggest you acquaint them with the kettle and mugs and when they brew up they can make yours too!

Alison x

so sorry to hear about your little kitten-its very sad,I used to have 12 cars so know exactly how you’re feeling,they’re part of the family and you must allow yourself to grieve. Very glad the jobcentre have seen sense and given you some space-let’s hope you’re moved into the support group asap-it took them less than 5 minutes to move me into it after I made a phone call to them explainingmy situation and requesting a copy of the atos dr’s report-which I never saw .I do hope the builders take on board that you’re not well and need the job completed efficiently.In a few weeks things will look different,life’s like that. xxx


ZELDA senting you a big hug|\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\hope that helps l think we all get time like that. my hubbys esa is on hold from april as they look into it we are living, if you can call it living on my dla worrying about the heating bills coming in for winter look into getting a new kitten it will not replace but will help the pain we have 2 cats there are both indoor cat as we live on a bizy rd and they are fine

take care regards Janxx

a new kitten is a really good idea-that’s what I’d do!big hugs xxx

I have always thought it was not good for a cat to be an indoor cat, unless they need to be. But now I understand another reason why people have indoor cats. They can have a very very good life. Cats who have been stray or feral may never cope well with an indoor life, but it’s not impossible. There are loads of FIV +ve (the cat equivilent of HIV) cats looking for homes. They should be kept indoors because they are susceptible to infections which their immune systems can’t cope with.

I know from personal experience kittens can make a huge difference to our lives - and dogs too from what dog-owners say

Whatever gets you through the day, go for it is what I say. Maybe an indoor cat or two will be part of our lives when we feel ready.

so sorry to hear of all your problems coming at once.

you seem to have had a reprieve from the ESA people and the building work is a pain but will be worth it.

your kitten, now that really upset me. i still miss my kitten after 10 years. his name is my password for lots of online things - so he’ll never be forgotten. still love you pigpen.

carole x

Pigpen? That`s an odd name. Is there a story behind it?

luv Pollx