Husbands outbursts and belittling are getting too much

Caring for someone with MS
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Hi

Im new here. Iv been a carer for my husband who has RRMS. Hes been told he has new lesions on his brain. He isnt coping well but takes all the anger and frustration out on me. If I give any opinion on anything he gets angry and starts being really nasty. Its hard to differentiate if its the MS or his own personality. Lately hel say he feels really bad and has numbness then within a few seconds he will start hoovering and cleaning. Im not doubting his symptoms but its very confusing for me as im also not sure if he is exaggerating them at times. I mentioned i need to go back to work for my own mental health and start doing things for myself too..his response was “you’re neglecting me im really bad with my MS You want to live your own life and be independent” its a constant battle. I have three young children and they’ve witnessed his outbursts and anger and the way he speaks to me. I have to put them first and myself too.am I being selfish??

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Wish I had an easy answer for you, as my wife will say I do and say similar stuff.

  1. it is hard for your husband and his self worth is near enough non existent. I know that is how I feel.

  2. I hate folk telling me x and y about my MS. Yeah, like we don’t know that or have not tried or spoke to our MS nurse already. Dr google has a lot to answer for.

  3. the emotional black mail he is doing is not on, or that is what you are portraying in any case. My guess is he is petrified but won’t admit it.

I can only conclude that his outbursts are not at you but at himself.

Only thing I can suggest is that you and your husband have a clear the air chat with each other. Now, I would suggest in not talking over him, my wife does that to ne and it frustrates the hell out of me as? Oh yeah brainfog.

So give him 5 minutes with no interruption and he gives you 5 minutes with no interruption. The pair if you might be able to see a wee bit more clearly where the pair of you are coming from.

I hope this helps you and your husband. Wee trick I learned from a Councillor was listen and don’t automatically go into the parent mode I.E I am right you are wrong and here is why. Its tough I still trying not to be the fireball in my own marriage lol.

Typing this out has been therapeutic for myself in where I can stop being the problem. Some times you and or your husband can’t see the wood for the trees.

Best of luck

1 Like
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Hi there from a 19 years since diagnosis married man. For what it’s worth I don’t think that you are being at all selfish and it’s perfectly understandable that you feel hurt and let down by your husband’s behaviour. MS is the pits and does cause a lot of frustration and despair but lashing out at others isn’t going to help one bit Nor is it acceptable

Is there anyone who can talk with your husband about how he is feeling and behaving? Also someone who can help him come to terms with his condition and deal with his feelings. One thing he most certainly needs to know is that getting angry etc is just going to make his MS worse so if no other reason than that he does need to find ways of relaxing and keeping his mind and emotions calm .