Just browsing the Carers forum to seek support and came across this topic. So much of it resonates. Over the last year or so, my husband (RRMS) has become really difficult to live with at times. He is grouchy, monosyllabic, crabby and makes barbed comments to me. Last year was a year of upheaval and he became stressed, so I can see now that this affected his MS. This year has been less stressful but his relapses continue and his DMT is changing to hopefully keep the relapses at bay. I just wondered if anyone had any tips on how to let such snappiness drift over your head (Ha!) as I find it very hurtful, when I am doing so much for him and making allowances for his behaviour to others. The one thing that I have seen on here is telling him I am leaving the room when he gets like that. I can certainly try that … Where do MS carers go for support - is there something for us, to help keep US propped up and able to deal with everything WE have to cope with, caring for someone with this dreadful disease??
I take some comfort in knowing that its not just me who experiences this hurtful and unpleasant behaviour from their husband in my case of nearly 40 years. I won’t lie, in the past year after his diagnosis of some 13 years ago now, I have come close to walking away or asking him to leave. The main. Reason that stops me is our grown up adult children and the grandchildren. Like my husband none if us asked for this cruel condition to ruin our lives. So I keep everything as balanced as I can. I try and understand the true impact on my husband, the loss similar to bereavement, for all if us. I try and see the unpleasant behaviour often only directed at me, as is perfectly charming to other family and friends, as a result of the mental pain and anguish he is experiencing. I do myself often have outbursts of my feelings but always where I’m out of his or anyones earshot. A temporary fix I guess. It’s tough. In my husbands case it’s like living with someone with a behaviour personality disorder. He has no recognition apparently that he is difficult, it’s always my fault for being unkind and disagreeable. To say he could have an argument with himself in a room on his own, is pretty much accurate. The physical and mobility issues are insignificant compared to the mental health issues. In addition to all this he is alcohol dependant and drinks most nights and then when he has a night off binge drinks. Not sure there is much hope of it improving. I’d like to think he will wake up and get the point, but I know its unlikely.All a bit sad really. Its so hard. Lots of professional intervention has proved absolutely useless, as you have to recognise that you are unwell and want to change, but as he see’s me and the rest if the world at fault it’s all a futile waste of time and a waste of nhs resources.
Feeling your pain. It’s a mental health condition that is crushing for all of us to live with. I too have similar experiences. Sometimes I just want it yo end. The professionals do not have an accurate understanding of this condition. Manipulative sclerosis is a more accurate description, as like your wife, my husband goes from being seriously ill, unable to get out of bed to springing into action (ok small exaggeration) to wanting to go out to drink/eat. Is most bazzar as says the room is spinning, he’s feeling sick, must be something else not ms to sitting with cider followed by red wine. The last thing most of us would want to engage in under the described reason for being in bed all day!
Interesting conversation, Big hugs to one and all.
After reading on through the posts something made me comeback to this post, first I was going to point out that I have known men who have not got ms who behave that way. Then the fact that you giving your daughter much needed cuddles, was an issue, then, your coment about her being the one who keeps you sane. So, a question. Is he jelouse of your relationship with your daughter ? P.s in no way am I suggesting you should give her less attention, just is he jelouse and if he is what is he wanting that he feels he is not getting & maybe he is being mean to you as he is scared to ask for what he really wants/ needs.