How do we live a double life

Hi, and thanks for taking the time to read this, I’ll try and keep it short but I can’t promise I’ll not get carried away !!

I help care for my mother, I live 10 miles from her so I tend to go round to see her every other day. She’s chair bound, needs hoisted, catheter fitted, I’d say the works but from reading posts on here I realize there is more to come. My dad is her carer and he does a good job and like I say I go round and help out. What I’m struggling with is how to switch off from being a carer when I’m not with her. I’ve set her phone so she can phone me whenever she needs me and now I’m finding it harder and harder to do anything incase she phones. My husband has been great about it but I do know we need to life our own lives too but I’m struggling with switching off. How can I go round to hers, deal with leaking catheters, rashes, her clinginess, then come home and forget about it all ?

I guess you can’t really LucyAnnie. Your dad doesn’t have that option either. I don’t want to seem harsh, but she won’t be around for ever. This is one of the reasons I don’t intend to hang around, languishing in a bed, if my ms progression reaches that stage. I wouldn’t want my daughter or my husband put under the strain and wondering how they can switch off from being a carer for me.

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I think you perhaps need to think about what you’d say to someone else in the same situation. Is it possible to still care, still be available to your parents, but continue to have a life of your own too?

I presume you have a mobile phone? (If not, get one.) And that your Mum and Dad have the number? So if you were suddenly needed, they could easily phone?

Don’t expect that you can, or should, forget about your mother. But caring and worrying needn’t take up your whole life. Try to have some nice times with your husband too.

I feel much the same as Poppy, I really don’t want to end up being a total drain on my husband. I feel quite fortunate that I have no children who might end up caring for me.

All you can do is appreciate your parents while you have them. But try to stop worrying all the time.