Housebound

Everyday living
1

Actually I’m not complaining, just making an observation. I think I’ve glimpsed my future. My husband is quite a bit older than me, and is my sole carer. As women generally live longer than men and given that age difference, unless I come to an untimely end, he is likely to predecease me.

Four weeks ago my husband collapsed and got carted off to A&E where he underwent myriad tests before being sent home with the instruction not to drive. Further tests have followed, and he’s now waiting to see a cardiologist as it’s thought he might need a pacemaker. No idea how long that might take, and in the meantime he’s not to drive.

Friends and neighbours have been very kind, helping out with shopping etc and with getting him to and from hospital appointments, and if he wants to go into town for anything he uses the bus. We have no family to help.

However, I’ve been housebound for the entire four weeks. I’m used to my own company and am seldom bored and don’t feel lonely, but I think I’ve glimpsed my future.

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Hi Eve

I had the same kind of thing happen here. My husband is 14 years older than me and is my main carer. (Pretty much only carer!)

Three years ago he had a biopsy for prostate cancer and thereafter developed an infection from it which put him in hospital for a week. I was incredibly lucky in that my friend (always after known as Gentle Gillian) immediately got a flight from Edinburgh to Gatwick and was here by 10am the following morning to look after me.

The following year, Mr Sssue had his prostate removed and again, lovely Gentle Gillian came down, to stay with me while he was in the hospital and to look after us both for a few days afterwards. She is a total star. He was also lucky in that another friend took him and collected him from the hospital which was an hours drive each way.

Then she had to go home and we looked after each other. I helped him with his indwelling Catheter and his socks. He helped me pulling up my pants and trousers etc. We ordered deliveries from Sainsbury’s and ate a lot of ready meals. We too had quite a lot of weeks of not going out until he was allowed to drive again.

He gradually recovered and started taking up his usual duties (housework, gourmet meals, shopping from the finest shops and of course, looking after me!)

It does make you think about the future.

I do hope your husband gets his heart sorted out and recovers his health. My lovely husband is practically back to normal now (in spite of a personal trainer who pushed him too much; he now has an incisional hernia and can’t do too much exercise!).

I think both you and I are fortunate in that being alone is not a problem. Not going out isn’t much of a problem either. But I have told him most severely, he is required to outlive me. I can’t manage without him.

Sue

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Blimey Sue, we’re almost living parallel lives! There’s 18 years between us though. I can’t “go first” though, without me he won’t be able to find anything! I can’t leave him on his own, he won’t know what to have for his tea for one thing.

Sorry to hear about the incisional hernia. My OH had one for years following a major op before I knew him. As it wasn’t bothering him they left it alone, then about six years ago it got blocked and he had it repaired. It was a bit of a saga, but I won’t bore you with the details.

I too have a friend who would drop everything and come over, but I didn’t want her to. She only lives about an hour away by car, but her husband has a progressive neurological condition, so,she’s enough to do. She’s the only person in my life who’s been around all my life, and is the big sister I never had.

I suggested online shopping which was how I coped last time he was in hospital, but he’s not having any of that, it’s not as though I’m expecting him to embrace 21st century technology, I’d do the ordering. I think maybe he likes shopping! Anyway someone has picked him up once a week to shop, and we are connoisseurs now of the ready meals!

We have a cleaner once a week, but she had this week off with her own husband having been in hospital. She’s become a friend, she saw to it that I had a hot meal every day last time OH was in hospital. Shes 68 now so she’s not going to work much longer, but she finds this bungalow easy to clean, and she feels sorry for me!

Random acts of kindness restore your faith in human nature don’t they.

Do you live far from Gatwick? My OH lived in Crawley before I met him. He’s still in touch with some of his old Crawley rugby mates from his playing and Sussex refereeing days, and one or two others from Round Table.

Eve xx

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Hiya,

Just want to say something that you probably know already. If your husband does have a pacemaker he should not even go in a building that houses an MRI.

A magnet can stop a pacemaker so just in case you have one keep your husband away. An MRI is a very large electro-magnet; info from Rizzo.

As far as shopping goes get it delivered; see if Waitrose; Sainsbury’s or even Iceland are good and they only require you spend £35 for free delivery.

George

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Have you tried Wiltshire Farm Foods? Over 100 ready meals that can all be done in the microwave, no minimum order and the delivery man will put them in the freezer for you!

My mum in law had 4 delivered this week which probably would have only been about £10-15 and it wasn’t a problem… Most are really tasty and they cover all sorts of diets such as gluten free, halal and pureed meals.

I started using them if my husband was working late and I’d become sick of the usual ones in the supermarkets.

Sarah x

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Yes, I think there’s a lot of similarities.

My OH also prefers to go shopping than get deliveries. He had no choice when he couldn’t drive. But once he could, that was it. Walks to the butchers shop started quite early in his recovery, but the majority of our supplies came via home delivery.

We too had a cleaner who was about 75 when she stopped working for us. Nowadays we manage without, the only problem being that my husband doesn’t really understand dust and dusting. Every now and then I persuade him to join me in some dusting. And there’s nothing like throw away antibacterial wipes for cleaning. At least you still have your elderly cleaner and I bet she dusts!! I still miss our cleaner, which reminds me that I must phone her.

My lovely OH has been gradually learning to cook. I sit in the kitchen with him and direct operations and he does the actual cooking. Tonight for eg, we have risotto made with leek, lemon zest, chilli and basil. With scallops and giant prawns on top. And a fabulous bottle of wine. See what I mean about the gourmet cooking? He’s great at risotto.

And because we live near the sea, we do often get fresh fish, just landed. (Some comes from South America of course, even from our local fish shop!) We’re someway south of Gatwick, near the coast.

Obviously, if I were to be living alone, my gourmet lifestyle would end. I would be having ready meals day after day. I would have deliveries of everything. The wine from the posh wine shop would feature no more. Even the cat would find a change to his diet. Instead of ‘special cat food’ every day, it would be back to almost never. We’d probably both end up with malnutrition.

So it would be better all round if I were to die first. Yes, he’d have trouble deciding what to eat most days, but at least whatever he wanted, he could cook.

Sue

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When I married an older man I expected to have to look after him in his old age, not have him spend his old age looking after me! He does a great job, and is a really good cook, but I always have to decide what we’re going to eat, even to the point of deciding which can of soup to open.

I have had a look at Wiltshire Farm Foods and have ordered the brochure.

Eve xx

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Just some info regarding Wiltshire Farm Foods. I noticed when placing an order this week that they were warning that they were increasing their prices from March 6th.

As an alternative, another company that provides ready meals is Oakhouse Foods. They offer free delivery if your order is £30 or more, but if your order is less then delivery is only £1. I think they have a minimum order that is dependent on the local branch. For my local branch ( Middlesbrough) this is £10.

Neil

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Hi Flowerpot. I think my cousin waited for her pacemaker for about 6 weeks. My hubby was fitted with a pacemaker when he was 30. But it was done as an emergency procedure as his heart kept stopping almost every minute. He kept fainting all the time and I told him to go see a gp but he was like, no its just the shift work and I’ll cut down on coffee. Anyway he passed out at work and luckily a medic was on site with an ecg machine so she did a reading, he passed out while he was on the machine and when he woke up, she said you need to go to hospital NOW, your heart just stopped beating for a whole 8 seconds. Anyway he got to hospital and then monitored him for an hour, then he had the operation. And there he was thinking it was down to too much coffee. He isn’t able to come with me to my MRI appointments , but he does get to skip the queues at airport security, lol… My hubby is so much healthier now he has his pacemaker. They will soon get your hubby sorted too. xx

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Reading all these stories gives me the willies!

Being left alone by our main carers sure is a concern. One of mine too!

Hubby is my main carer, with 2 part timers. I have family who would be able to help me on a very temporary basis.

Our carers arent indespensible are they?

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