Hello, I’m here again. I swore a while ago I would quit moaning and count my blessings, well I feel cursed rather than blessed. I have no family and the people I believed to be friends dropped me like a hot potato soon after my diagnosis. I know a lot of people, but don’t feel I can turn to any of them. My oldest friend lives thirty miles away, and she has enough on her plate with her husband’s disability without having to rescue me.
I am completely dependant on my husband, who is currently ill in bed. We’re waiting for a home visit from the doctor. We rang 111 at 6.45am they said they couldn’t get here before knocking off at 8am and to ring our surgery. It took numerous attempts to get through at 8am and we’ve been promised a visit between noon and 3pm. Clearly they don’t think his symptoms are as serious as he thinks they are, but he can be a bit of a drama queen. Best not to fall ill too close to knocking off time, and it appears our surgery doesn’t do morning house calls. No wonder people pitch up in A&E or ring 999 in desperation.
in the meantime, I’ve managed to get dressed, and I can just about lurch to the loo on crutches when I need it. I can’t make a drink, I can’t carry anything and my self propel wheelchair is in the garage, but even if it weren’t I doubt I could propel it on carpet anyway. I’ve got the attendant push wheelchair, but with no one to push that’s not much help. So, nothing to eat or drink, it sounds pathetic to say I can’t even manage to get myself a glass of water.
So, one way and another I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself, but maybe not as sorry as my husband is feeling for himself. He has a wife who can’t look after him, I think he’d be better off without me, other than I’m good for paying the bills! I’m a liability and a burden, but we can’t afford nursing home fees and for him to continue living in our (modest) bungalow. I’ll have to pay for carers, but that’s going to take time to organise, and I need help now.
if you’ve got to the end of this post I apologise, and I thank you for listening.