Here again

Hello, I’m here again. I swore a while ago I would quit moaning and count my blessings, well I feel cursed rather than blessed. I have no family and the people I believed to be friends dropped me like a hot potato soon after my diagnosis. I know a lot of people, but don’t feel I can turn to any of them. My oldest friend lives thirty miles away, and she has enough on her plate with her husband’s disability without having to rescue me.

I am completely dependant on my husband, who is currently ill in bed. We’re waiting for a home visit from the doctor. We rang 111 at 6.45am they said they couldn’t get here before knocking off at 8am and to ring our surgery. It took numerous attempts to get through at 8am and we’ve been promised a visit between noon and 3pm. Clearly they don’t think his symptoms are as serious as he thinks they are, but he can be a bit of a drama queen. Best not to fall ill too close to knocking off time, and it appears our surgery doesn’t do morning house calls. No wonder people pitch up in A&E or ring 999 in desperation.

in the meantime, I’ve managed to get dressed, and I can just about lurch to the loo on crutches when I need it. I can’t make a drink, I can’t carry anything and my self propel wheelchair is in the garage, but even if it weren’t I doubt I could propel it on carpet anyway. I’ve got the attendant push wheelchair, but with no one to push that’s not much help. So, nothing to eat or drink, it sounds pathetic to say I can’t even manage to get myself a glass of water.

So, one way and another I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself, but maybe not as sorry as my husband is feeling for himself. He has a wife who can’t look after him, I think he’d be better off without me, other than I’m good for paying the bills! I’m a liability and a burden, but we can’t afford nursing home fees and for him to continue living in our (modest) bungalow. I’ll have to pay for carers, but that’s going to take time to organise, and I need help now.

if you’ve got to the end of this post I apologise, and I thank you for listening.

Flowerpot sorry to hear this. I know you said you need help now, could you phone you council’s adult social services team this afternoon and ask them for suggestions to help you today and over the next few days?

I was reading Age Concern and they mention Age UK or the Royal Voluntary Service may offer a little help at home. They might be able to organise it quickly. This is something I might use in the future, I don’t know what age range they help.

From Age UK website:

I only need a little help with housework and gardening. Is there any help available?

Most local councils don’t provide support if you just need a helping hand with your housework, gardening or shopping.

Contact a local voluntary organisation such as your local Age UK or the Royal Voluntary Service to see whether they may be able to provide services for you. To find your nearest Age UK you can phone Age UK Advice for free on 0800 169 65 65.

Royal Voluntary Service website.

I hope you manage too sort something out good advice from Lenny . I can’t add any more helpful advice just warm thoughts and perhaps you could ring your friend just for a chat she may come over if she knows how hard you are struggling .

All the best Katy

Oh gosh how awful. I wish I was your neighbour and could at least pop in and make you a cuppa and a sandwich!

Do get the doctor to help you a bit when they finally turn up. You need help too, so please don’t be afraid to ask. Have neither of you had anything to drink or eat all day?

Oh dear Flowerpot. I am sorry.

My own OH was struck down by a stomach bug a few weeks ago. I at least have a self propelling wheelchair that I already use in the house, and with a stomach bug he didn’t need feeding. I got my next door neighbour to collect some bread and things for us from the village so at least I could eat ham sandwiches and biscuits. And I can sit in the kitchen next to the coffee machine so there’s no need to transport any drinks around.

I also organised a Sainsburys delivery - maybe you could do this and order food and drinks that are tramsportable by a person on crutches (obviously there’s a cost element to this so it may not be suitable)?

Is there no one closer than 30 miles away to help?

The council surely can get some emergency care sorted. Or maybe call a private care agency (if you can afford it) to get some temporary assistance. You need to keep him hydrated (and yourself of course) even if you’re not able to provide food!!

I hope the doctor has called by now and there’s some light at the end of the tunnel.

Let us know

Sue x

Thank you. He’s got vertigo, and he can be something of a drama queen. I’m not good at asking for help, I’ve always valued my independence. Bloody MS put paid to that. But I’m probably too bloody minded for my own good, I’ve enlisted the help of a couple of neighbours, one picked up the prescription, another some bits from the shop. I’ll not starve, it’s getting from room to room that’s problematic and I’ve just about used up every ounce of strength for the day. I’ve had some breakfast and lunch. The invalid is declining offers of food, although how I would get it to him would be an issue. He’s not showing any signs of getting out of bed yet. I’m sitting here looking a picture of health and I find this so very frustrating.

Tomorrow is another day. xx

I just had a thought, whatever the result today, maybe you should think about getting a social services care assessment done. So that if this situation arose again, you would already have the means of getting assistance.

I am in the process of doing just that, for the same reasons.


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