HAVING an emotional and physical meltdown

Everyday living
1

As some of you know i moved from my home of nearly 30 years to a small sheltered flat. I am in the process of selling my house.

I have the flat how i like it, one major issue was the heat, but we have sorted that.

Since moving i have been hit by a chest infection my doctor thinks it was triggered by the dry heat. Now believe me when i tell you i havent had one or a cold for over 20 years.

Its hit me hard with my MS, and i feel like I am loosing the plot. The doctor came out and said yes you have a bit of a crackle take these antibiotics, which promptly made me sick so had to get different ones.

I dont know what to do with myself, and yes probably behaving like a child but really the pain i have right now is enough to fell an elephant. my body is not happy and chucking all it can at me.

The reality is being sick on my own never had to endure that. I had forgotten how bad a cold was.

My family are being very inpatient with me, even my care worker is making me feel bad about myself.

I feel let down by my daughters as they make me feel bad about being scared and unwell.

EVERYONE feels like that they said, your getting yourself worked up because of Mike my husband.

I was so upset over that. They think i feel like this as i am scared i will end up like he did.

My eldest said to me “Mother people get chest infections all the time, you need to get over it and stop worrying”.

My husband did not have a chest infection when he passed away they still not sure what happened, but he had last stages of COPD, it hadnt even entered my mind. I am not worried about the chest infection so much is the aftermath of it on my MS. Yes a lot of people have chest infections but not a lot of them suffer with PPMS do they.

I feel alone and SCARED yes of being on my own really ill with something i haven’t had for years with MS.

My MS is kicking my arse so badly i can barely walk or eat. Its the first time for me in a strange place with non of my neighbour supports I am not surrounded by things that make me feel calm I am in a strange place with no one to talk too. I just feel terrible.

Even my care worker is being patronising how can we help if you don’t take a paracetamol talking about me behind my back to a friend of mine who has been supportive. Its not true, i do take them i am just not an idiot. I took one yesterday as i had a bad headache. I take my medication as I need it.

I feel so let down what’s it all for really. they don’t get it. I have moved from my home i was safe in after nearly 30 years and in a small flat with no one i know. its been way too hot. my daughter has only visited me once she lives 9 minutes walk away, i haven’t seen either grandsons. Yesterday they were all exasperated with me. I had to see the doctor again as the meds didnt suit me. I dont want to feel like this, i want to be well again, the daft thing is my careworker and my older daughter probably gave it me in the first place as they were both ill on the tail end.

My sister came further at least she seems to care.

My cleaner stayed with me on Thursday for 3 hours so i wasn’t on my own, i only pay her for 2, then she popped back yesterday to make sure i was ok. She cares obviously and is worried about me.

Am i being a child? I feel like i am having a mental breakdown or something as no one seems to care how i feel. I feel ill. I am scared, and lonely. I miss my home. I have been left in a flat all on my own ill and my daughters are making me feel like crap.

How can i get through this? I am taking lots of cold stuff, trying to drink loads of fluids, i can barely eat it sticks in my stomach but i am trying. I dropped a bowl of hot hot boiling soup on my lap the other day thank god i had a blanket over my legs, as my arms are weak.

Weirdly enough i had a small temp last week, but the one just gone it was normal again, so i hoped to feel better but if anything the chest seems worse to me.

I know it sounds bizarre how can you go without ever having a chest infection or flu. Well I have being pretty healthy. I had the chest infection when i was way younger and smoked but not for over 20 years was the last time i had cold/flu, and that was before the advent of MS.

Not sure why i have bothered to write this, i just feel so down in the dumps alone yes and scared. Not sure of what though.

Just read the above i can see why my daughters are getting exasperated with me, i do sound a bit whiny.

2

You’ve had a lot to deal with recently so IF you are whiny I for one think you’re entitled to whine. I can’t remember the last time I had a really bad cold but I do remember how bad they were and to top it off with a chest infection is simply cruel for someone with MS.

Sometimes families don’t know what to say or do to help so they either say nothing or they say they wrong thing. As for your carer, well it’s probably best I say nothing because a rant about paid workers won’t really help :slight_smile:

It doesn’t feel like it at the moment but your cold will get better as will your chest infection. Im not much good at expressing myself and offering sympathy but I’m thinking about you as will everyone else on here.

Jan x

2 Likes
3

Hi, As Jan says, You’ve had a lot to deal with in the last year and I don’t think you appreciate just how much emotional and mental strain this has cost you. Since last year when Mike died, you’ve sold your house and moved home. That is off the scale of some people could cope with. All this time you’ve been answering other people on this Forum and giving them your time, energy and support. This cold seems like the final straw and it’s time you realised just how much the last few months have drained you. It always comes as a surprise when the last straw turns up but that’s what has happened to you. So don’t apologise for sounding whiny and don’t let your daughters push you around. Wrap yourself up in your favourite dressing gown, get a big box of chocolates and treat yourself for a change. You’ve gotten used to looking after other people and it’s time you looked after yourself for a change. You know you have a lot of friends here so it’s a good idea to get things off your chest because you know that we’ll understand. Regards and best wishes. Anthony

1 Like
4

Aw CC. Don’t feel bad about feeling bad. It happens from time to time. And as for being "whiney"on here, well that’s allowed and that’s why this forum is a great gathering of virtual friends. Now pull up a virtual chair and take it easy. It’s true what they say about moving home, death or divorce being the highest root of stress and anxiety. Depression or feeling low. In the last year you’ve experienced all three! You’re husband passed away, you’ve had a stressful decision making process before you made the actual move and you probably have a feeling of being "divorced " from the friends and neighbours that surrounded you for all those years, in your old house. Divorced from your old life, in a way. You are still grieving for the loss of your husband and probably miss him dreadfully. No doubt you were on autopilot then, with everything that needed to be sorted out. It’s no wonder you’ve got this infection. Your resistance must be at rock bottom. Maybe your daughters do too? Maybe they thought once you were in the new place everything would be tickety boo and they wouldn’t be worried about you then. Now perhaps, it doesn’t appear to be that way. Do you think you could invite a couple of friends or neighbours from the old place for a cuppa one afternoon? Tell them you’d like to see them. Are there any gatherings as such, where you are now? A communal area, organised events? Even if you don’t feel like joining in at least it allows you to meet people. It must feel like being the new girl at school. Remember too, when you’re not well in yourself, nothing is right. Your mood, appetite, sleeping pattern. Buy yourself some potted snowdrops, daffodils or hyacinths and put them where you can see them all the time and look forward to the lighter, brighter days of spring. Can you put a bird feeder there? That’s a small neighbourhood in itself! I believe cc,by the time spring arrives in all her glory, you will be feeling better. Better in yourself and happy in your new chapter in life. Be gentle with yourself and take time to allow yourself to grieve, to cry and curse and swear. Be angry. With your husband for leaving you, with having to move house, with your daughters for not understanding. But only in your head of course. Not in their presence and remember CC, this too shall pass. Xx

1 Like
5

Dear CC

All of the above is absolutely true. You’ve had the worst things happen to you within the last year, and you have PPMS.

You are entitled to have a really good moan, whinge, complain, shout (if the illness will allow it, otherwise whisper) until the cows (sheep, pigs, chickens) come home, about your horrible, horrible cold / chest infection / flu.

What I would prescribe for you is some lemsip (if you have some in, otherwise a cup of tea and some paracetamol), some cough medicine, warm comfy clothes, a nice comfy bed, whatever makes you feel better in terms of mindless entertainment, TV, radio, a book. Climb into bed, with chocolates if you have them (and fancy them), or cough sweets, or something that makes you feel comforted. I’m sure your dog will give you plenty of canine affection, and will appreciate a day spent in bed.

See if you can snooze the afternoon away. If you can’t eat, maybe you’ve a can of soup you can heat up? Or a boiled egg and soldiers? Otherwise, a day without proper eating won’t do you any harm.

Keep warm, but not too warm (!). Ignore anyone who doesn’t give you love and kindness and rest.

You do plenty to keep other peoples spirits up, now it’s your time to be cared for.

You maybe have moved physically away from old friends and neighbours, but you still have us. We are a virtual family on here, and you are a much loved member of this family.

Get well soon.

Sue xx

6

When it’s all too much, and we feel awful and life feels like a crock of you-know-what, I don’t think there’s much point wondering why or wondering whether we are under/overreacting or whether others are. Sometimes things just suck and there’s nothing to be done but batten down the hatches and wait for the storm to pass. I am sorry that this is one of those time for you, and hope that the sun breaks through the clouds for you very soon.

Alison

1 Like
7

Anthony thank you your comments really helped. My daughter came to see me and talked to me about it. I think they both realised how they had overstepped the mark. Its sorted now hopefully. I am not going to put up with it.

i just chilled out in the afternoon and got giggly over Frankie and Grace on Netflix, so funny cheered me up so i went to bed a nicer person. x

8

Thanks guys its amazing how you all care so much, and it has helped.

I rang my daughters, and one came over and we talked. I told her she needs to just be more sensitive when talking to me at the moment. I am struggling with so many different things like one of those people with the balancing plates.

I have like you all said a lot to deal with.

If my care worker had stayed away for 2 weeks like i asked perhaps i would never have got her virus who knows.

I am a very strong person usually well we have to be dont we guys. Its just my brain snapped. I miss my mike so much more so now. he is with me, by my bedside. I find comfort in him to be honest.

I am frustrated too as i cant afford to meet new people at the moment here as they are vulnerable and i expect i am still infectious, so its like having a forced quarantine on myself.

They have fish and chips on Wednesday, one of my friends i have known years weirdly enough she comes on Wednesday and buys the fish and chips and the residents enjoy them together. I was so looking forward to that. I think once we get through this week i should be fine. My doctor said you can be infectious for 2 weeks.

so i just have to eat loads of fruit, drink tons of water which sees me rushing to the loo and hope my chest stops playing the bagpipes. I didnt wake up coughing last night so thats something.

Again thank you for all your support your all amazing and kind. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

1 Like