Grieving for my Step Mum who died of MS

My step-mum recently passed away with the cause of death listed as Pneumonia and MS.

She had been declining over the past year and a half and her preliminary diagnosis was cancer. Due to her deteriorated state at that point (she was very thin, couldn’t use legs or right arm), they decided not to have further tests to properly diagnose it or even treat it.
So she eventually stopped eating and then drinking, and needed to be kept on morphine until she was at peace.
She had lost the ability to speak by the end and couldn’t swallow, was unable to move from the neck down.
My Dad (who also has MS) was her primary carer and she stayed at home until she passed.

She was diagnosed at age 30 and passed away at age 54.

It really did seem likely to be cancer judging by the way she seemed to waste away before my eyes. However they did autopsy her and could not find any cancer, therefore MS was determined to be a cause of death alongside Pneumonia.
After her autopsy, I did look up about people ‘dying of MS’ and found several articles and even pictures that mirror what I witnessed with my Step-Mum.

My Mum and my Dad also have MS and so I am terrified that the same thing will happen to them.

I am struggling to come to terms with it. I’m 32 and MS has been a part of my life since I was 10. My Dad was diagnosed first, then my Mum 6 months later. My Mum and Dad eventually separated and my Dad met my Step-Mum through an MS support group when I was around 11.

So I thought I knew MS relatively well as it has been a part of my life for 2/3s of my existence, and I have seen the havoc it has wreaked on my loved ones.
But I never imagined it could do what it did to my Step-Mum.
I miss her and I spent a lot of time with her in her final month’s. She was a sweet lady and MS took so much from her already.

If anyone has also lost a loved one to MS, I would really appreciate talking about it. Right now I feel like I will never come to terms with it.

Hello sweetheart.
I’m so sorry for your loss and situation.
I’ve had PPMS 25 years and know how devastating it can be.

Sending love

you dont technically die of MS but with it. it is usually a comorbidty that will shorten the life sadly, like Pneumonia. The body just gives up. she may well have had a cancer too but seems doctors were not interested in finding out, the biggest issue when diagnosed with MS is everything that ails us is down to MS.

My sisters MIL had MS and died at 80 with diabetic issues her MS put her in a wheelchair but it was the diabetisis which took her away.

If you have experience with this you could volunteer to help others there are organisations desperate for volunteers Peer Befrienders. there are support groups on internet. might be something you could do. bring your sad knowledge into something good perhaps. xxx i am so sorry you had to go through this its sad. xxx

i have had it since 2000. my issue is lonliness. even my family are tardy in supporting me, and now i am housebound i sit most of my days looking out my window. i lost my lovely dog in august she was with me 16 years, my husband 2017 and my mum 2016. had to move 3 times now. You will come to terms with it hun. big hugs. xx

My mum was 59 when she passed away from MS. I was diagnosed almost a year ago.

You don’t get over it, you just learn to make room for it and live with it. As time goes on, the negative memories will fade and the more precious ones will remain.

Sending hugs xx

Hi lovely
I’m so sorry for your loss
I lost my gran 11 weeks ago to ms I am more than happy to talk as I’m really struggling myself