I quite agree it has more to do with the state of mind of the dreamer. I don’t believe in dreams as prophecy, although it’s still not a positive thing that a friend “thought” you had died - and certainly not a very uplifting thing for them to share with you.
One thing I didn’t mention is it’s not the first time she’s done it. The first time was before I was ill - or at least before the penny dropped I might be - she told me then, too!
I could ask her what is the “real” problem, but I think I’ve enough to contend with, without trying to psycho-analyse others.
I don’t think she ever coped very well with my diagnosis - less well than I did - and I think her childish pretence that nothing would change, and the world was my oyster was partly a way to protect her, more than me. So at the back of her mind, it might be that her attempts to convince me - and herself - that it really wasn’t a big deal are starting to show the cracks. Obviously, for all her talk of “glittering new careers” and a fantastic future ahead, there must be some part of her that does appreciate the seriousness - and perhaps even that an illness like this might, in rare circumstances, be life-limiting.
I also wonder if she is sensing the loss of the friendship, but really, that was her own silly fault. I needed someone who would at least try to acknowledge how I was feeling (I know nobody who doesn’t have MS can truly understand), but I think she thought the way to stay positive about it was just to act as if nothing had happened!
She has “form” for that kind of approach. When I told her I was going to lose my dad (it was confirmed; doctors had told him it was terminal), her reaction was: “Oh, but you mustn’t worry; doctors will fix him up as right as rain, won’t they?”
That is NOT a helpful response to someone who’s having to confront the certain knowledge they will lose a parent - that he has something that’s not survivable. So it’s a strange business - almost as if she’s never grown up; never learnt to face the nasty things in life. She’d rather pretend they just aren’t there.
Don’t get me wrong - I DO think positive attitude is hugely important, but I think it consists of making the best of a bad situation, NOT believing the impossible - e.g. that terminal cancer can be “fixed up”.
It was just the same when I was being diagnosed too. I didn’t say much until it was confirmed I had both brain and spinal cord lesions, and then I began to raise the prospect it was looking like MS. She said: “Oh, you mustn’t worry, I’m sure it’s nothing!”
That’s just nonsense. I was telling her something had already been found that obviously wasn’t normal. I’m sure, even if it hadn’t been MS, having six brain lesions and a couple of spinal lesions wouldn’t have been “nothing”. What hope is there, when you tell someone: “They found lesions in my brain!”, and they reply: “Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing!”? Also, the week I was diagnosed, she totally ignored my diagnosis, and asked instead about my cold - which I happened to have too, but which was well down my list of health concerns! Just selectiveness blindness to facts she wouldn’t like.
It reminds me of Zaphod Beeblebrox’s glasses (dunno if you’re a Hitchiker’s fan?) which automatically turned black at the first hint of danger, to prevent you seeing anything that might alarm you. I think my friend must have a pair of those" “Might not like it? Just don’t see it then!”