First time visit


I do not have MS and I am not sure if I should be asking for help.

My oldest friend is French.We have known each other for 25 years and I am close to all her family. She was diagnosed with MS about 18 years ago and had been working and driving until last year.

Her parents have just written and told me that she has had a very bad year, where she was close to death, and is now non responsive. I am sorry if I am not using the correct terminology. I don’t want to offend anybody. The last time she was so sick she stopped her parents for telling me until she was recovering. But now they know she will not improve.

More recently we would see each other about every two years and not always write much in between so it was not unusual for us to be out of touch. But now this has come as a shock and I don’t know how to help them or her.

Will she be aware or have I lost her? Should I visit or stay away? I am sorry. I don’t really know what I am asking. I am feeling a bit lost and I know this is selfish.

I am not sure this is the right forum. Can someone point me in the right direction? Sorry.

Thank you Jo

I would be advised by her parents as to whether to visit or not. They seem to be the ones closest and more able to assess the situation.

Hello Jo

How very sad for you. It’s fine for you to ask this forum for help in trying to decide what to do.

Reddivine is right, asking her parents is a good pointer, but trusting your own instincts is good too.

If your friend is completely unresponsive, would she know you were there?

If she would know that you are there make her passing easier or not (for her)? If she won’t be aware, would you feel happier, just knowing you had said goodbye?

These are questions only you can know, perhaps with the help of her parents.

It is a very difficult situation, and perhaps you need to understand whether you would be visiting for your sake or hers. Either way, I am very sorry for your loss.


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Hi Jo,

If your friend was working up till last year then she must have had a catastrophic relapse. No parent should have to watch their child die in that way.

Will your friend’s mother and father appreciate your support at his time? Perhaps they will be grateful if you come to say farewell. It may be a comfort to them that they aren’t alone in this.

For your sake, it is always important to say “goodbye” to anyone you have know and loved for so long.

Best wishes,


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It may not be her MS that has done this. It could be something else triggered by her MS. she may have had a bad uti which turned sepsis. It is unusual to hit someone so hard. they may not be telling you all of it.

either way if it was my friend and i was that close i would be over there to see her. It could be your only chance to say a goodbye to her.

I would be gone now to be honest. she needs you. xxxx

I agree with other posters - I would go to see her because if you don’t I suspect you’ll regret it.