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Feeling alone and exhausted

It’s been over a year now since I went to my doctor and they said they wanted to test me for me. Since then I’ve had an mri which showed inflammatory lesions in my brain and some in my spinal cord, lots of blood tests and a lumbar puncture which I’m still waiting for the results of. A couple of months ago my symptoms were really bad and I was in a lot of pain and could hardly walk without getting exhausted, but then I started to feel a lot better again and got happier again. The past few days I have been getting exhausted so quickly again and it’s really hit my confidence. I just recently got my dream job and they’ve been brilliant but I’m scared of what my future is going to be. I’m 31 and before this all started my husband and I were planning on starting a family, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea anymore. I live a long way from my parents and they don’t talk to me that much and none of my close friends live nearby either. My husband has been great but I feel guilty for what he has had to do for me and that it’s always him I go to when I’m feeling down. Basically I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself and wanting this limbo to be over. Has anyone got any advice?

Aw Rosannee, poor you.

Waiting for results is absolute hell, and to have had this going on for a year is dreadful. Do you know how long you’ll have to wait for the LP result? Do you have an appointment booked with the neurologist?

I don’t think you should completely write off the idea of having a family, but really that’s something you and your husband will have to discuss after you get the final diagnosis decision.

I don’t think you should feel guilty for leaning on your husband, imagine if your situations were reversed, wouldn’t you want to be as helpful to him as possible? I’m sure that’s how he feels. Sometimes it’s almost worse to be the one who’s the partner of the person with a suspected nasty diagnosis. All you want to do is help. And to be there as support for your wife/husband/partner.

If you don’t have a date for your follow up with the neurologist following your LP, perhaps you should check as you how/when you’ll get the results. Try phoning the neurologists secretary to find out. If on the other hand you have a follow up but it’s some way away, again, try speaking to the secretary and see if you can get the appointment any sooner.

It sounds like apart from the ongoing health worries, you have a good life, your dream job and a man who loves you (who you conveniently also love!). Your friends and family may not be round the corner, but hopefully they’d be supportive should they be needed.

All you need is the last bit of evidence to slot into place, then you’ll know if it’s MS or not. And if it is, then you’ll deal with it. We do. We basically have no choice.

Best of luck.

Sue

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Hiya, Sounds terrible what you are going through. I also had just started a brand new career 9 months ago when I was diagnosed. I’m only 22 but it was the job I had always wanted and I thought it was going to kick start my future. I’ve come to the realisation in the past months since my MS diagnosis that nothing is as important as your health and the people you love around you. So try not to worry about work too much - stress is one of the worst things for your body, especially when you are suffering from other issues. I may not have had ms for very long but it does become easier to get your head around. I’ve struggled explaining how I feel to my partner and that’s something I really wish I could do better, so your husband sounds brilliant as a support. Also, I have jumped into research regarding everything to do with ms - on this website and the MS Trust - I find that having knowledge of certain aspects helps me to deal with them a lot better. Let yourself feel sorry for yourself- you’re allowed to. Try and focus on the things that help you most and relax you and do them as much as possible. And don’t forget there is a whole community of people on here who can try and offer even a small bit of support. Xx

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