My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years he has had ms for 14 years when I met him he could walk with a stick then bought a scooter so we could go further things were great then this past two years he has got worse he was in hospital about two years ago with urine infection when he got out his mobility wasn’t great but this last year he can’t move off sofa eats sleeps there I no he’s frustrated but he take sit out on me all the time I did contact relevant people ms nurse and doctor I can’t fault the doctor he got on top of it straight away but his ms nurse didn’t want to no he now has physio coming in which they want to bring in carers to get him to bed but he’s against this which makes it harder as they don’t no what else they can do to get him off sofa he throws stuff about when he’s in a mood and recently now he calls me everything under the sun it’s disgusting and a few times he has went to hit me but I have pulled away fast his family never offer to help but I’m getting stage do I want to be here I do love him but it impossible just seeing if anyone else has this sort of thing going on I don’t keep well myself I had copd and also arthritis so it’s not easy moving him about sorry about the rant but I’m at the end of my tether now
Hi what an awful situation you are in I really feel for you. MS has changed me and some of it is because my mental health has declined considerably. I snap and bicker but ultimately I know when to stop and not take my anger or frustrations further. He knows that and is choosing to hurt you whether it be mentally or physically.
I’m no expert but if I was in that situation regardless of how much I love him and sympathise with his illness I’d be out of that door. You have the right to feel safe, appreciated and cared for.
The realisation that you are not willing to accept his behaviour may make him accept help and counselling.
Please seek help for yourself not for him. Inform his family of his behaviour and then it’s their decision to act upon it. x
Really sorry to hear of your struggles. It must be hard to deal with mixed feelings of love , hoping things will improve and I guess anxiety about feeling guilty about leaving your boyfriend.
However, lots of people have MS without taking it out on their partners and many become more appreciative of their support and continuing love.
I do agree with @Fatgirlthin83 that at the end of the day you have to look after yourself. You could try telling him that you have had enough and that unless he changes his behaviour , gets support you can’t continue with the relationship ( and no one would blame you for that!)
Put him in a residential home,There is no excuse for abuse. I have been bullied for years by my ex type 1 diabetic POS. I finally got rid after involving the police. Seems to be a common theme with men treating women badly. Yet when we have something go wrong we are not ment to say a word. Too many men think they can treat women how they like because they can. Life is too short don’t waste anymore time on someone who treats you like this. You owe him nothing xxx
He has now agreed to carers coming in so a step forward I can’t help feel guilty as I couldn’t handle sitting on a sofa 24h a day had ot and physio out yesterday I have said to them about my concerns they are getting him into counselling as he needs it I have his mum coming over today and she is getting told I need time away as if I don’t get it I will walk out on him I have took as much as I can I was in abusive marriage before I met him I can’t believe it’s happening again like it’s his birthday and everything I gave him he was so ungrateful about instead just called me everything under the sun and slagging off my kids that’s one thing nobody will do as I never have a wrong thing to say about his as it in my nature thanks for everyone’s messages definitely going to do something about it
It would be good is someone could make him understand that from his MS point of view just lying/sitting down and getting angry is one of the worst things to do. Getting angry repeatedly fires up the immune system which in all likelihood will cause further inflammation, further lesions and increased disability. So far as I can see, he has a choice : try to get as much exercise possible and calm down or carry on with his behaviour and end up totally bed bound, increasing numbers of MS problems ( bladder and bowel incontinence, swallowing and eating problems and heading to a nursing home where he will spend his years before something like pneumonia kills him - this is exactly what happened to my Aunt). It’s his choice
Thanks I have been saying this for a while he needs to talk to someone about it he is bottling it all up he does have bladder problems as he has a catherter in all the time which gets him down as well just hoping things are going to change now with a lot of people involved in it all now
I really do hope that everything turns out OK for both you and him.
Fortunately I’ve managed to avoid a permanent catheter but when going out I do use a ‘sheath catheter’ - a very useful device like a thick condom with a tube at the end leading down to a bag. Relatively easy to put on and remove . All very humiliating but it does allow me to get out on my scooter.
How are you getting on? Are the carers coming round? Is he treating you better ? xxx
Hi the carers are at least another 6 weeks away before they can come in to help him get into bed he has been in a better mood this last week I had contacted him mum so she has been coming round so maybe having someone different in the house is helping but I have warned him anymore and I will be leaving so maybe he has realised I mean it as I can’t take anymore as my health is definitely being affected