Emotional problems

Everyday living
1

Hi

I was diagnosed with relapse/remitting two years ago after developing my first symptoms six years ago. After two attacks (optic neuritis/vertigo & bell’s palsy) I’m physically doing pretty well (pins and needles/numbness being my main symptoms).

However, emotionally, I go through periods of being a mess. There was the general anxiety of the initial period of living in limbo land and then the diagnosis, but I don’t see MS as a death sentence the way I did in the beginning and have been looking forward to the future and developing strategies to cope (i.e. healthy lifestyle).

But in other ways, I’m feeling down because I’ve faced a fair bit of turmoil in relationships over the last couple of years - I’ve fallen out with two colleagues, my longest friend and a new sister in law.

I’vee been feeling a lot of inner turmoil because I feel torn. I’m right to be disgusted by the way these people have treated me (e.g. at work, I’m talking bullying behaviour and a sister in law telling me to “get over” my MS as we all have ‘health scares’ ) and I’ve done nothing to provoke their initial bad behaviour. But on the other hand, I’m aware I’ve fallen out with a number of people and my reaction has been far too emotional, prompting them to say something back to me, and makin the situation worse. So these confrontations I’ve had have been ongoing (months/years) and I feel sick from the stress of it all (insomnia, lying awake feeling the whole world is ou to get me right now!). Last week I handed in my notice on a whim without finding another job, because I don’t feel that my boss is right in not disciplining my colleague (a manager, above me).

I’ve been bursting out crying most days too - this is two years after my MS diagnosis so I really want to move on from the upset now. Ironically, my relationship with my boyfriend, once a bit volatile (I’ve always had a slight temper with him, but no-one else) has calmed right down and we rarely row, because ultimately I do want a calmer life. (But instead, I’ve lost my sense of diplomacy with other people, I’m too ready to tell them to 'f off if their behaviours out of order, instead of being smart and letting it wash over me! An I’m sure my partner is probably fed up with me talking about problem after problem!)

I’ve been terrified that I have a mood disorder (I have a half brother with schizophrenia). Done a bit of googling and it seems people with MS can suffer from emotional problems due to physical changes in the brain i.e. lesions. This makes me feel less like beating myself up, as perhaps it’s not my fault. But on the other hand, concerned that I’ll have no control over overcoming this.

Is anyone else going through the same? Any tips for dealing with this please?!

2

Dear anon, yes I completely relate to what you have written about . I was diagnosed RRMS 16 months ago and to say its been an emotional rollercoster is an understatement . And although It was not a family member did have a falling out with someone who was my best friend who when I 1st told them that I had been diagnosed responded with " well I know someone who has that and they need a wheel chair so you can’t have that, it must be something else " at the time I was fuming and livid that I had informed her of something I was trying to deal with and she to put it one way s**t on it!!! A year has passed and I now right things off as people just don’t understand what it is or how it can effect you. I understand things better so I can explain it in under 2 mins now ( not that I no it all) . I also have had issue with work, mainly from 2 people who do know what has gone on but all ways kick off when I have time off, I got shingles at the beginning of the year and was off for 4 weeks, when I got back I had a lot of " ah did you have a nice rest" and a few snide comments . I have had to put them to one side as I will not leave my job and if they wish to be so small minded to think that I was having a great time then that’s there issue… I am not going anywhere. I regards to dealing with it, 1 day at a time is all you can do. I am heading back to my gp this week to see what they can give me , mainly to stop the random bursting in to tears . One thing that has helped me is ranting on here , everyone here gets it and suddenly you don’t feel so alone and I also take vitamin B6 and Vit D , which is meant to help. It may be worth a conversation with your gp though . Fingers crossed that karma slaps the people who have upset you ,lol XAnnax

3

Hi Anna
Yes you are right, taking things one day at a time is the best approach. That’s a shame your friend reacted in that way, and you’re right that it’s more about ignorance of the condition perhaps than having a pop/deliberate thoughtlessness. I feel that my sister in law has belittled what I’ve gone through by calling it a ‘scare’ (this was after my official diagnosis!) because I don’t ‘look’ ill! But in this case, hat was just one of many off things she’s said, so she was just being nasty!

Sometimes people can be strange when you tell them about your illness. I have been estranged from my father for the last 20 years and recently made contact with him and when I eventually told him about my illness, the first thing he said was ‘well I don’t mean to tug on your heart strings, but my dog may have cancer and may need to be put down’. Very odd reaction and I’ve not been in contact with him again as I can’t take any more thoughtlessness in my life right now!!

I guess you have to let it wash over you and try to focus on appreciating the people who are supportive, I have a wonderful partner so I’m lucky there :slight_smile:

I’m most disappointed by the people who know of my condition and still stress me out. You expect some compassion but I guess with MS or not, there’s always going to be these people around, just need to learn to rise above it!

4

Ah the " you don’t look Ill" stare you get lol, when I had an optical neuritis I found people trying to look in my eye like they could spot it!! Like they had some form of super power, my gp didn’t spot it at 1st so what makes them think they could. Or when my fatigue is so bad I sleep most of the weekend and I get the comments from people of " what a waste of a weekend" , “you should probabaly do something , once you get going it will be fine " ! ER NO I WONT!! If I’m sleeping its cause me body needs me to rest, so you go off down the gym for 3 hrs and I will stay here while my batteries re charge. But yes you are so right I appreciate those who have supported me, 1 who has been my complete saviour and in a million years I wouldn’t have thought it would be him that would be there for me. And sometimes all it takes is a text saying " how’s you today” is all you need . And in return I always make sure they know that I appreciate them. Me and my friends are not the big hugs type of people, but they know I love em,mi sent them all cards from moon pig, and ordered there fab hot sauces as gifts. I’ve even said I would support Chelsea today ( not that I actual care about football) lol lol , they people who I though were my friends I just give no time to now. I reply to texts and answer phone calls but my other friends are my priority . xAnnax

5

Not sure what you want to do about your job but it might possibly be argued as a case of constructive dismissal once you have left. Or you might be able to rescind it. Maybe check with your union.

6

I can sympathise with everything - I’ve been diagnosed almost 10 years now and was able to keep a lid on things up until the beginning of this year when I lost my temper completely. Luckily my friends stayed with me and the lid is back on now.

Re your work - I sued an employer for constructive dismissal - this was pre-diagnosis - I was being bullied to the extent that I couldn’t drive on the road that used to take me to work without feeling sick for about a year after I left. The case never got to the tribunal stage because the manager who instigated everything left the company, so they started offering me money and we settled before the tribunal. Write everything down and your first stop after your last day should be to a no win no fee person to discuss it.

Not sure what to do about your sis-in-law, she obviously doesn’t understand what you have. Is she your bro’s wife or your partner’s sister? If you’ve already tried explaining and not got anywhere, I would be tempted to cut her off, although this may be difficult to do without cutting off other relatives who you want to keep in contact with. Your father sounds like a total numpty, not surprised that you don’t want to contact him again.

Hope things improve,

Luisa x

7

Hello there, oh dear you are having some difficult issues to deal with, eh?

I wonder if a chat with your GP would be useful.

maybe you could try some anti depressants or similar.

Have you ever thought about anger management training? Hope you don`t mind me suggesting this.

we all meet awkward folk from time to time, and yes, it is harder when these people are in our family and we see them often, but being constantly irritated or angry certainly doesen`t give us the time we need to relax. having MS, or any chronic condition means we need to take time out to relax and become calmer.

Hope my suggestion helps in some way.

luv Pollx

8

Hi == I too have had emotional problems, diagnosed last June but been suffering for nearly 2 yrs now… I also fell out with 2 people in work, i’ve patched up with one of them but the other has gone to another job and I’m pleased that I dont have to look at her and see her pity me… My relationship has gone from bad to better, bad to better… we nearly split up before I was diagnosed, we were having lots of verbal arguments, accusations and day in day out, not speaking, which is no good for our 2 children, I just cant believe he’s still there to be honest, about a month ago, I sat down with him and had a chat and I said if he wants to go there’s the door, dont get more wrong, I would be devastated, he just knows how I work, we are a perfect match, physically and he can calm me down, but I’ve realised I’ve got to stop pushing him away, my friends tell me he’s there cos he wants to be, but I suppose lacking in confidence I believe he’s there for the children, he says he’s not… Anyway now its just one day at a time, I’ve been having awful dreams lately, think its the tablets but also the stress, had word with my nurse who advised me to get some counselling or talk to somebody… I also believe that I dont know where i’d be without this site… its an absolute god send… talking over problems with people who know how you feel - is great, if you want to contact me personally - feel free… take it easy, be strong and together we’ll fight it x

9

Hi there,

I too totally understand what’s been said here in this thread, a lot of it could be me writing it myself!. This MS life is a constant rollercoaster of emotions, questions, anger and confusion. I was diagnosed with RRMS in July 2011 and it’s been downhill or some kind of platau for me, no highs, I don’t laugh anymore, sometimes I try to just feel nothing, no emotion as it’s an easier, safer place to be than the place my MS seems to take me to. Like I’m in another place or I’m another person…

A lot of peple we come across just don’t have a clue how to react to us, I have a work colougue who when I told them, they said that they have a friend who as MS and she’s fine, just like anyone else, you’d never know she had anything wrong and that same girl make me feel uncomfortable when I’m off sick, as I am just now, because I apparently “looked fine at that meeting last week”.

Family can be hard to handle too, I really do understand, but can’t go there just now…

It seems to me MS takes us through this…

X