Hello everyone!
I’ve just gotten out of a pretty big and scary rut. I’ve noticed this cycle playing out time and time again since my body started malfunctioning. The never ending catastrophizing and cycles of grief have been exhausting, but I’d like to continue to move forward despite the fears I have. After all, as my great-great grandma always said, “You’re gonna live 'til you die.”
Regardless of what life has in store for me, I can’t let fear hold me back from love and happiness. I may not be able to tackle the biggest fears I have right now, but I can tackle small things that I’ve been afraid of for years. One of which is writing terrible poetry. I was the emo child who had composition notebooks filled with poems I never dared to show anyone because I was afraid they were trash. I’m going to write a poem right now, and post it here. It may still be trash, but it’ll be mine, and that’s enough. What is something that you all have been afraid of doing lately?
What I Wish I Knew Then
The hardest part is letting go.
But if you don’t you’ll never know,
how wonderful life could possibly be
once you’ve given yourself the time to grieve.
Life will be different, this is true.
But that’s not to say it’ll be over too.
Your soul can still be made anew,
by finding the joy in being you.
The hardest part isn’t losing control,
rather realizing it never existed.
Life can be cruel in the way she takes hold,
and time is her fickle mistress.
This fear and uncertainty that causes you pain,
feeds on your sadness, and taints you with shame,
will only cause you to go slowly insane
when you realize that worrying was all in vain.
The hardest part is loving a body
that no longer works like it should.
What used to be as simple as taking a step,
is no longer being understood.
Despite our efforts some things can’t change,
no matter how hard we fight.
Perhaps if we learned to rearrange
our thoughts instead we might
Discover that we are still people worth loving,
and deserving of a wonderful life.
It’s funny how a mere shift in perspective,
can give us so much insight.
Life isn’t something you can plan for.
She has her own rhyme and reason.
Time isn’t something you can restore,
when she comes and goes with the seasons.
Find the joy, the truth and light,
in the beauty found deep in your soul.
Everything’s going to be alright.
The hardest part is letting go.
)