do people change

My wife was told 5 years ago she has MS. She has had it for over 20 years they said. But the last few months her personality seems to be changing. Is that possible > She will bite my head off for anything, sex maybe 4 times a year, and we dont say bad words in our family. Our marriage has always been solid. Well the other day she was at college and talking with male students about oral sex and dirty words in Italian. Then later one that day she tells me to suck her d***… She NEVER in 30 years did anything like these. She is 46 years old, mom of 3. Any advise ??

Hi there,

MS, due to its effects on the brain, CAN cause personality changes, and disinhibition. I’m sure at least one poster here (obviously I’m not going to name them) has experienced an urge to take their clothes off in public. Your wife’s “dirty talk” and bad language could be something similar.

However, it’s possible it’s also just the stress of living with an incurable and frequently challenging condition for years. I’m sure my language has got worse, and I’m afraid I don’t think I have some MS-induced form of autism. I think it’s just that I’m tired and in pain a lot of the time, so can have a bit of a short fuse. :frowning:

What does your wife herself think? Does she feel she has sometimes succumbed to “inappropriate” words or behaviour? Is she worried about it?


She seems to think it was nothing, no big deal. The next day or 2 she didn’t even remember it. She has over 26 leisons on her brain and some on her spine. I feel so bad for he. But she is doing good.Still has a active life style. Just has to be careful and not over do it.


i cant offer advice as such but maybe by sharing whats happened to me recently will help?

june 2012 i had a huge relapse-all right side,speech and thinking affected. 7/8 weeks ago another relapse-carers etc back in again but worse than the physical struggle is the emotional. i laugh hysterically or sobbing uncontrollably for no apparent reason-i can only guess my ‘emotion bit’ in brain has had further damage/new or bigger plaque.

i dunno how the emotions and speech bit are linked/conected but i can say from my own experience i do feel out of control sometimes and this can only be explained by physical damage/changes of which i have no control over. i have spent nearly 3 years practising meditation which i have found of great benefit. need to stick at it because just now my physical body is controlling my mind and i will get it back to how it should be-the mind being boss.

i hope some of this makes sense to you! i feel for ur wife and urself-this cr*p is so difficult to cope with…

ellie x

ps i am mum of 4 and have always been honest with kids otherwise their minds run riot!

Anger and frustration are common, which can cause us to behave irrationaly or lose our temper over trivial things. The problem is for us…even trivial things are difficult. I think ms can affect our personality, I know I am definitely struggling with some major emotional issues right now, which makes me quick tempered and irritable.

It’s a cruel illness, most disabled people deal with a physical disability which is isolated to a single area of their body, ms disables the entire body randomly and then starts work on the brain…the cruel part is nobody you know really understands what you are going through, even if they know you are ill, you look perfectly normal most of the time, because your nervous system is invisible.

Sorry, forgot to add, my advice would be to share your feelings with your partner, encourage her to share her feelings with you. Keeping such thoughts to yourself won’t help, you both need to understand how it affects the other, and be capable of discussing feelings which may be hurtful to express to one or both of you, without immediately taking offense.

Thanks to all of you. I am doing my best to help her. She says I am just jealous… ttyl

Hi I have SPMS and my wonderful husband tells me it’s like living with Jekyl and Hyde, i know that i can “turn” unexpectedly but i cant help it we both know it’s part of this b…y md.



I suspect a reason for it may well be part of the natural grieving process. Getting MS can be like suffering a bereavement, with our old relatively healthy life having died. And so it can be common to experience some of the stages of grief - denial, anger, depression etc. The good news it that the stages can be temporary, and things won’t necessarily always be like that. But when we are experiencing those feelings, it’s not much fun, either for us or those around us.

You’ve had some good advice already, and I agree being able to talk about things & to process them would be good. She may not want to of course, in which case I guess the challenge for you is to be patient & supportive of her, & create a safe space for her (whichis’nt always easy!)


Hi Tina,

Oh my goodness…did I tell you about Westminster bridge, around 1985? I thought nobody knew…

Mark: No, but feel free PM me!

P.S. - being a student doesn’t count. I think (almost) all students have had some kind of “disrobing incident” - although not all on Westminster Bridge!